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2007年NPR美国国家公共电台三月-The Person I'm Supposed to Be

时间:2007-07-21 02:48来源:互联网 提供网友:joly   字体: [ ]
Welcome to This I Believe, an NPR series presenting the personal philosophies of remarkable1 men and women from all walks of life. Support for NPR Podcasts comes from Visa, offering the Visa signature card featuring concierge2 services for travel, dining and entertainment at Visa signature.com.

I'm Robert Seagal.
And I Michelle Norahson. And this is all things considered from NPR news.

I believe in figuring out my own way to do things.
I believe in the power of numbers.
I believe in barbecue.
Well, I believe in friendliness3.
I believe in mankind.
This I believe.

For our Monday series This I Believe we invite you to send us statements of your personal beliefs. Today's comes from Andy Blowers,who lives with his wife and son in Fairfax, Virginia. He's employed as a software developer and he's working toward a graduate degree at George Mason University. Here is our series curator independent producer Jay Allison.

People who send us their writing are sometimes compelled to do so by hearing the beliefs of others'. Andy Blowers said he'd heard other essays talk about their beliefs in daily pleasures and celebrations, but he felt he couldn't write something like that. Blowers has clinical depression and is forced to find his belief in the context of his illness. Here's Andy Blowers with his essay for This I Believe.

There's a wretched place depression drags me off to after taking control of my thoughts and feelings. It's the place where the longing4 for relief mutes every other desire, even the desire to wake up in the morning. There are days when I wonder if I'll lose everything: my job, my relationships, my last stitch of sanity5. It feels as though I'm breathing hot black smoke. Yet I believe the same depressions that pin me to the mat so often also serve a bigger purpose in my life. They don't come empty-handed. I believe the purpose of suffering is to strengthen us and help us understand the suffering of others.

At 16, my first episode hit me hard enough to think I'd literally6 gone to hell. Now, at 35, when I start dreaming of haunted houses and worrying uncontrollably about the future, I know another episode is looming7. I've got a week's notice, maybe two. And then it's as if I'm drifting off to exile inside myself with only a shell remaining. It used to be that rising from the ash after the depression cleared was like resurrection. The burial over, I'd catch myself laughing or looking forward to the next day. I'd pig out at my favorite deli. But now, when I look closely I find mental illness leaving other significant gifts in its wake, things I didn't discern when I was younger. The discovery is like that scene from The Matrix when Neo finally comprehends his identity. Through the whole film he's been beaten up by evil agents, but the fighting transforms him into a warrior8. And at the right time he understands and uses his power. He's peaceful, even when confronting an enemy. I believe my own years of struggling with depression have left me with similar gifts: Inner strength and calm I can rely on, diminished fear and compassion9.

I believe the painful nights that close in on all of us, in some form, are the cocoons10 from which we might shed our weaknesses. I believe pain tells us something critical about ourselves and life: that developing strength and empathy and bravery is more essential than our personal comfort. And when I think it of like that, I'm more willing to accept suffering on its terms. That's important because if my pattern holds consistent, my next episode is due to arrive soon. I live with this reality, but I'm no longer afraid of it. The depression has, in the end, equipped me for its next visit. And that's enough. Of course, I'll take my medicine, I'll talk to my gifted psychiatrist11. But when the dark does come, I'll stand up and breathe deeply knowing I'm becoming the person I'm supposed to be.

Andy Blowers with his essay for This I Believe. Blowers said he thought there would be some risk in making this public declaration about his mental illness. But in order to honor the bravery he writes about, he felt he ought to do it. We hope you'll consider sending your own statement of belief. Find out more at NPR.org. For This I Believe, I'm Jay Allison.

Next Monday on morning edition, a This I Believe essay from California listener William Noonan on his belief in randomness12 and choice.

Support for This I Believe comes from Capella University.

This I Believe is produced for NPR by This I Believe incorporated at Atlanta Public Media. For more essays in the series please visit NPR.org/Thisibelieve.

Support for NPR Podcasts comes from Acura featuring the all-new turbocharged Acura RDX with available voice-activated navigation. More at Acura.com/RDX.


1 remarkable 8Vbx6     
  • She has made remarkable headway in her writing skills.她在写作技巧方面有了长足进步。
  • These cars are remarkable for the quietness of their engines.这些汽车因发动机没有噪音而不同凡响。
2 concierge gppzr     
  • This time the concierge was surprised to the point of bewilderment.这时候看门人惊奇到了困惑不解的地步。
  • As I went into the dining-room the concierge brought me a police bulletin to fill out.我走进餐厅的时候,看门人拿来一张警察局发的表格要我填。
3 friendliness nsHz8c     
  • Behind the mask of friendliness,I know he really dislikes me.在友善的面具后面,我知道他其实并不喜欢我。
  • His manner was a blend of friendliness and respect.他的态度友善且毕恭毕敬。
4 longing 98bzd     
  • Hearing the tune again sent waves of longing through her.再次听到那首曲子使她胸中充满了渴望。
  • His heart burned with longing for revenge.他心中燃烧着急欲复仇的怒火。
5 sanity sCwzH     
  • I doubt the sanity of such a plan.我怀疑这个计划是否明智。
  • She managed to keep her sanity throughout the ordeal.在那场磨难中她始终保持神志正常。
6 literally 28Wzv     
  • He translated the passage literally.他逐字逐句地翻译这段文字。
  • Sometimes she would not sit down till she was literally faint.有时候,她不走到真正要昏厥了,决不肯坐下来。
7 looming 1060bc05c0969cf209c57545a22ee156     
n.上现蜃景(光通过低层大气发生异常折射形成的一种海市蜃楼)v.隐约出现,阴森地逼近( loom的现在分词 );隐约出现,阴森地逼近
  • The foothills were looming ahead through the haze. 丘陵地带透过薄雾朦胧地出现在眼前。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • Then they looked up. Looming above them was Mount Proteome. 接着他们往上看,在其上隐约看到的是蛋白质组山。 来自英汉非文学 - 生命科学 - 回顾与展望
8 warrior YgPww     
  • The young man is a bold warrior.这个年轻人是个很英勇的武士。
  • A true warrior values glory and honor above life.一个真正的勇士珍视荣誉胜过生命。
9 compassion 3q2zZ     
  • He could not help having compassion for the poor creature.他情不自禁地怜悯起那个可怜的人来。
  • Her heart was filled with compassion for the motherless children.她对于没有母亲的孩子们充满了怜悯心。
10 cocoons 5dceb05da0afff0d0dbbf29f10373b59     
n.茧,蚕茧( cocoon的名词复数 )v.茧,蚕茧( cocoon的第三人称单数 )
  • The silkworms have gone into the bushes to spin their cocoons. 蚕上山了。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
  • In two more days the " little darlings" would spin their cocoons. 再得两天,“宝宝”可以上山。 来自汉英文学 - 春蚕
11 psychiatrist F0qzf     
  • He went to a psychiatrist about his compulsive gambling.他去看精神科医生治疗不能自拔的赌瘾。
  • The psychiatrist corrected him gently.精神病医师彬彬有礼地纠正他。
12 randomness af1c2e393e31ba3c5a65a5ccc64d0789     
  • The randomness is attributed to the porous medium. 随机性起因于多孔介质。 来自辞典例句
  • Einstein declared that randomness rather than lawfulness is the characteristic of natural events. 爱因斯坦宣称自然现象的特征为不可测性而不是规律化。 来自辞典例句
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