感悟人生-Unit 23 A Simple Truth About Happiness 幸福其实

　　A Simple Truth about Happiness
By Dennis Prager
If you’re waiting for it, you’ve missed the point
After I gave a talk on the subject of happiness, a woman in the audience stood up and said, “I wish my husband had come." As much as she loved him, she explained, it wasn't easy being married to someone so unhappy.
This woman enabled me to put into words what I had been searching for the altruistic¹, as well as the personal reasons for taking happiness seriously. I told her that each of us owes it to our spouse², our children, our friends to be as happy as we can be. And if you don't believe me, ask a child what it's like to grow up with an unhappy parent, or ask parents what pain they suffer if they have an unhappy child
I was not a particularly happy child, and like most teenagers, I reveled in my angst. One day, however, it occurred to me that I was taking the easy way out. Anyone could be unhappy; it took no courage or effort. True achievement lay in struggling to be happy.
The notion that we have to work at happiness comes as news to many people. We assume it's a feeling that comes as a result of good things that just happen to us, things over which we have little or no control.
But the opposite is true: happiness is largely under our control. It is a battle to be waged and not a feeling to be awaited.
To achieve a happier life, it's necessary to overcome some stumbling blocks, three of which are:
Comparison With Others.
Most of us compare ourselves with anyone we think is happier-a relative, an acquaintance or, often, someone we barely know. I once met a young man who struck me as particularly successful and happy. He spoke³ of his love for his beautiful wife and their daughters, and of his joy at being a radio talk-show host in a city he loved. I remember thinking that he was one of those lucky few for whom everything goes effortlessly right.
Then we started talking about the Internet. He blessed its existence, he told me, because he could look up information on multiple sclerosis, terrible disease afflicting⁴ his wife. I felt like a fool for assuming nothing unhappy existed in his life.
Images of Perfection.
Almost all of us have images of how life should be. The problem, of course, is that only rarely do people's jobs, spouses⁵ and children live up to these imagined ideals.
Here's a personal example: No one in my family had ever divorced. I assumed that marriage was for life. So when my wife and I divorced after five years’marriage and three years after the birth of our son, my world caved in. I was a failure in my own eyes.
I later remarried but confided⁶ to my wife, Fran, that I couldn't shake the feeling that my family life had failed. She asked me what was wrong with our family now (which included her daughter from a previous marriage and my son). I had to admit that, aside from the pain of being with my son only half the time (my ex-wife and I shared custody), our family life was wonderful.
"Then why don't you celebrate it?" she asked.
That's what I decided⁷ to do. But first I get rid of the image of a "perfect" family.
“Missing Tile” Syndrome⁸.
One effective way of sabotaging⁹ happiness is to look at something and glanced on even the smallest flaw. It's like looking up at a tiled ceiling and concentrating on the space where one tile is missing. As a bald man told me, "Whenever I enter a room, all I see is hair.”
Once you've determined¹⁰ what your missing tile is, explore whether acquiring it will really make you happy. Then do one of three things: get it, replace it with a different tile, or forget about it and focus on the tiles in your life that are not missing.
I've spent years studying happiness, and one of the most significant conclusions I've drawn¹¹ is this: there is little correlation¹² between the circumstances of people's lives and how happy they are. A moment's reflection should make this obvious. We all know people who have had a relatively¹³ easy life yet are essentially¹⁴ unhappy. And we know people who have suffered a great deal but generally remain happy.
The first secret is gratitude¹⁵. All happy people are grateful. Ungrateful people cannot be happy. We tend to think that being unhappy leads people to complain, but it’s truer to say that complaining leads to people becoming unhappy.
The second secret is realizing that happiness is a byproduct of something else. The most obvious sources are those pursuits that give our lives purpose anything from studying insects to playing baseball. The more passions we have, the more happiness we're likely to experience.
Finally, the belief that our existence has some larger meaning can help us be happier. We need a spiritual or religious faith, or a philosophy of life.
Whaterver Your philosophy is , it should encompass¹⁶ this truism: if you choose to find the positive in virtually every situation, you will be blessed, and if you choose to find the awful, you will be cursed. As with happiness itself, this is largely your decision to make.

1 altruistic   

adj.无私的，为他人着想的

参考例句：

• It is superficial to be altruistic without feeling compassion.无慈悲之心却说利他，是为表面。
• Altruistic spirit should be cultivated by us vigorously.利他的精神是我们应该努力培养的。

2 spouse   

n.配偶(指夫或妻)

参考例句：

• Her spouse will come to see her on Sunday.她的丈夫星期天要来看她。
• What is the best way to keep your spouse happy in the marriage?在婚姻中保持配偶幸福的最好方法是什么？

3 spoke   

n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说

参考例句：

• They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
• The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。

4 afflicting   

痛苦的

参考例句：

• Violent crime is only one of the maladies afflicting modern society. 暴力犯罪仅仅是困扰现代社会的严重问题之一。
• Violent crime is only one of the maladies afflicting modern society. 暴力犯罪仅仅是危害社会的弊病之一。

5 spouses   

n.配偶，夫或妻( spouse的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Jobs are available for spouses on campus and in the community. 校园里和社区里有配偶可做的工作。 来自辞典例句
• An astonishing number of spouses-most particularly in the upper-income brackets-have no close notion of their husbands'paychecks. 相当大一部分妇女——特别在高收入阶层——并不很了解他们丈夫的薪金。 来自辞典例句

6 confided   

v.吐露（秘密，心事等）( confide的过去式和过去分词 )；（向某人）吐露（隐私、秘密等）

参考例句：

• She confided all her secrets to her best friend. 她向她最要好的朋友倾吐了自己所有的秘密。
• He confided to me that he had spent five years in prison. 他私下向我透露，他蹲过五年监狱。 来自《简明英汉词典》

7 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

8 syndrome   

n.综合病症；并存特性

参考例句：

• The Institute says that an unidentified virus is to blame for the syndrome. 该研究所表示,引起这种综合症的是一种尚未确认的病毒。
• Results indicated that 11 fetuses had Down syndrome. 结果表明有11个胎儿患有唐氏综合征。

9 sabotaging   

阴谋破坏（某事物）( sabotage的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• Mr Smith fiercely denied any question of sabotaging the talks. 史密斯先生坚决拒绝任何企图阻挠谈话的提问。
• Failed in sabotaging APEC summit in Sydney of Australia. 澳大利亚悉尼APEC会议遭遇惨败。

10 determined   

adj.坚定的；有决心的

参考例句：

• I have determined on going to Tibet after graduation.我已决定毕业后去西藏。
• He determined to view the rooms behind the office.他决定查看一下办公室后面的房间。

11 drawn   

v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的

参考例句：

• All the characters in the story are drawn from life.故事中的所有人物都取材于生活。
• Her gaze was drawn irresistibly to the scene outside.她的目光禁不住被外面的风景所吸引。

12 correlation   

n.相互关系，相关，关连

参考例句：

• The second group of measurements had a high correlation with the first.第二组测量数据与第一组高度相关。
• A high correlation exists in America between education and economic position.教育和经济地位在美国有极密切的关系。

13 relatively   

adv.比较...地，相对地

参考例句：

• The rabbit is a relatively recent introduction in Australia.兔子是相对较新引入澳大利亚的物种。
• The operation was relatively painless.手术相对来说不痛。

14 essentially   

adv.本质上，实质上，基本上

参考例句：

• Really great men are essentially modest.真正的伟人大都很谦虚。
• She is an essentially selfish person.她本质上是个自私自利的人。

15 gratitude   

adj.感激，感谢

参考例句：

• I have expressed the depth of my gratitude to him.我向他表示了深切的谢意。
• She could not help her tears of gratitude rolling down her face.她感激的泪珠禁不住沿着面颊流了下来。

16 encompass   

vt.围绕，包围；包含，包括；完成

参考例句：

• The course will encompass physics,chemistry and biology.课程将包括物理、化学和生物学。
• The project will encompass rural and underdeveloped areas in China.这项工程将覆盖中国的农村和不发达地区。