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时间:2007-01-10 16:00来源:互联网 提供网友:jimhe   字体: [ ]

  The Emotional Bank Account
-- Secrets of Happy Families
by Stephen R. Covey
The Emotional Bank Account is like a financial bank account in one way: you can make "deposits" -- actions that build trust -- or you can make "withdrawals1" that decrease it. It represents the quality of the relationship you have with other people. If you have a high balance, then communication is open and free.
Let me share ideas for "deposits" you can make in your family:
1. Cultivate Kindness / 培养爱心
Many years ago I spent an evening out with two of my sons. In the middle of the movie, Sean, then four, fell asleep. His older brother Stephen, six, stayed awake, and we watched the rest of the movie together. When it was over, I carried Sean to the car. It was cold, so I took off my coat and gently put it over him. When we arrived home, I carried Sean in, then lay down next to Stephen to talk. Suddenly he asked, "Daddy, if I were cold, would you put your coat around me, too?"
Of all the events of our night out together, the most important was a little act of kindness -- a showing of love to his brother.
In relationships, the little things are the big things. They go a long way toward building trust and unconditional2 love. Just think about the impact in your family of using words of courtesy such as thank you and please. Or unexpected acts of service, such as taking children shopping for something that's important to them. Or finding little ways to express love, such as leaving a note in a lunch box or briefcase3.
2. Earn an "A" : apologize / 学会一个"A" : 即道歉
Perhaps nothing tests our capacity to initiate4 change as much as saying "I'm sorry I embarrassed you in front of your friends. That was wrong of me."
"Sweetheart, I apologize for cutting you off. I was so rude. Please forgive me."
Sometimes apologizing is incredibly hard, but the effort says, "Our relationship is very important to me." And that kind of communication builds the Emotional Bank Account.
有时道歉是难以想象的困难,但是这种努力表明:"我们之间的关系对我来说很重要。" 这种交流能够增加感情储蓄。
3. Learn loyalty5 / 学会忠诚
Next to apologizing, one of the most important deposits a person can make is to be loyal to family members when they are not present.
In other words, talk about others as if they were there. That doesn't mean you're unaware6 of their weaknesses. It means, rather, that you focus on the positive -- and that if you do talk about weaknesses, you do it in such a way that you wouldn't be ashamed to have the person overhear it.
A friend had an 18-year-old son whose habits annoyed his brothers and sisters. When the boy wasn't there, the family often talked about him. At one point, this friend decided7 to follow the principle of being loyal to those not present. When such conversations developed, he gently interrupted and said something good that he had observed his son doing. Soon the conversation would shift to more interesting subjects.
Our friend said he soon felt that the others began to connect with this principle of family loyalty. They realized that he'd also defend them if they were not present. And in some unexplainable manner -- perhaps because he started seeing his son differently -- this change improved his Emotional Bank Account.
4. Make -- and keep -- promises / 做出承诺并兑现
Over the years people have asked if I had one simple idea that would help others cope with problem, seize opportunities and make their lives successful. I gave a four-word answer: "make and keep promises."
My daughter, Cynthia, recalls something that happened when she was 12 years old: Dad promised to take me with him on a business trip to San Francisco. We talked about the trip for months. After his meeting, we planned to take a cab to Chinatown and have our favorite food and see a movie, I was dying with expectation."
"The day finally arrived. The hours dragged by as I waited for Dad to finish work. At about 6:30, he arrived with an influential8 business acquaintance who wanted to take us to dinner. My disappointment was bigger than life."
"I will never forget Dad saying to him,'I'd love to see you, but this is a special time with my girl. We've got it planned to the minute.' We did everything. That was just about the happiest time of my life. I don't think any young girl ever loved her father as much as I loved mine that night."
I'm convinced that you would be hard pressed to come up with a deposit that has more impact in the family than making and keeping promises.
5. Don't forget to forgive / 记住要宽恕别人
For many, the ultimate deposit to the Emotional Bank Account comes in forgiving.
When you forgive, you open the channels for trust and unconditional love. You cleanse9 your heart. You also remove a major obstacle that keeps others from changing -- because when you don't forgive, you put yourself between people and their conscience. Instead of spending their energy on work with their own conscience, they spend it defending and justifying10 their behavior to you.
In everything you do for your family, keep in mind the miracle of the Chinese bamboo. After the seed is planted, new, taller shoots appear until the bamboo reaches full height. But the most dramatic growth is underground, where the roots grow very strong. With this support, the bamboo can reach a height of 120 feet!
The Emotional Bank Account can be like that. As you begin to make deposits, you may see positive results immediately. More often it will take weeks, months, even years. But results will come, and you will be astonished at the change.


1 withdrawals e8b79ee63bd5060c582d7b93a43ec3dd     
n.收回,取回,撤回( withdrawal的名词复数 );撤退,撤走;收回[取回,撤回,撤退,撤走]的实例;推出(组织),提走(存款),戒除毒瘾,对说过的话收回,孤僻
  • He has made several withdrawals from his bank account. 他从银行账户上提了几次款。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • It is not the bank's policy to deduct interest on withdrawals. 提款需扣除利息这并非是本银行的政策。 来自辞典例句
2 unconditional plcwS     
  • The victorious army demanded unconditional surrender.胜方要求敌人无条件投降。
  • My love for all my children is unconditional.我对自己所有孩子的爱都是无条件的。
3 briefcase lxdz6A     
  • He packed a briefcase with what might be required.他把所有可能需要的东西都装进公文包。
  • He requested the old man to look after the briefcase.他请求那位老人照看这个公事包。
4 initiate z6hxz     
  • A language teacher should initiate pupils into the elements of grammar.语言老师应该把基本语法教给学生。
  • They wanted to initiate a discussion on economics.他们想启动一次经济学讨论。
5 loyalty gA9xu     
  • She told him the truth from a sense of loyalty.她告诉他真相是出于忠诚。
  • His loyalty to his friends was never in doubt.他对朋友的一片忠心从来没受到怀疑。
6 unaware Pl6w0     
  • They were unaware that war was near. 他们不知道战争即将爆发。
  • I was unaware of the man's presence. 我没有察觉到那人在场。
7 decided lvqzZd     
  • This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
  • There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。
8 influential l7oxK     
  • He always tries to get in with the most influential people.他总是试图巴结最有影响的人物。
  • He is a very influential man in the government.他在政府中是个很有影响的人物。
9 cleanse 7VoyT     
  • Health experts are trying to cleanse the air in cities. 卫生专家们正设法净化城市里的空气。
  • Fresh fruit juices can also cleanse your body and reduce dark circles.新鲜果汁同样可以清洁你的身体,并对黑眼圈同样有抑制作用。
10 justifying 5347bd663b20240e91345e662973de7a     
证明…有理( justify的现在分词 ); 为…辩护; 对…作出解释; 为…辩解(或辩护)
  • He admitted it without justifying it. 他不加辩解地承认这个想法。
  • The fellow-travellers'service usually consisted of justifying all the tergiversations of Soviet intenal and foreign policy. 同路人的服务通常包括对苏联国内外政策中一切互相矛盾之处进行辩护。
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