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Mr. Pan was worried about his mother. He had been worried about her when she was in China, and now he was worried about her in New York although he had thought that once he got her out of his ancestral village in the province of Szechuen and safely away from the local bullies1, who took over when the distant government fell, his anxieties would be ended. To this end he had risked his own life and paid out large sums of sound American money, and he felt that day when he saw her on the wharf2, a tiny, dazed little old woman, in a lavender silk coat and black skirt, that now they would live happily together, he and his wife, their four small children and his beloved mother, in the huge safety of the American city.
It soon became clear, however, that safety was not enough for old Mrs. Pan. She did not even appreciate the fact, which he repeated again and again, that had she remained in the village, she would now have been dead, because she was the widow of the large landowner who had been his father and therefore deserved death in the eyes of the rowdies in power.
Old Mrs. Pan listened to this without reply, but her eyes, looking very large in her small withered4 face, were haunted with homesickness.
"There are many things worse than death, especially at my age," she replied at last, when again her son reminded her of her good fortune in being where she was . He became impassioned when she said this. He struck his breast with his clenched5 fists and he shouted, "Could I have forgiven myself if I had allowed you to die? Would the ghost of my father have given me rest?"
" I doubt his ghost would have traveled over such a wide sea," she replied. "That man was always afraid of the water."
Yet there was nothing that Mr. Pan and his wife did not try to do for his mother in order to make her happy. They prepared the food that she had once enjoyed, but she was now beyond the age of pleasure in food, and she had no appetite. She touched one dish and another with the ends of her ivory chopsticks, which she had brought with her from her home, and she thanked them prettily7. "It is all good," she said, "but the water is not the same as our village water; it tastes of metal and not of earth, and so the flavor is not the same. Please allow the children to eat it."
She was afraid of the children. They went to an American school and they spoke8 English very well and Chinese very badly, and since she could speak no English, it distressed9 her to hear her own language maltreated by their careless tongues. For a time she tried to coax10 them to a few lessons, or she told them stories, to which they were too busy to listen. Instead they preferred to look at the moving pictures in the box that stood on a table in the living room. She gave them up finally and merely watched them contemplatively when they were in the same room with her and was glad when they were gone.
She liked her son's wife. She did not understand how there could be a Chinese woman who had never been in China, but such her son's wife was. When her son was away, she could not say to her daughter-in-law, "Do you remember how the willows11 grew over the fate?" For her son's wife had no such memories. She had grown up here in the city and she did not even hear its noise. At the same time, though she was so foreign, she was very kind to the old lady, and she spoke to her always in a gentle voice, however she might shout at the children, who were often disobedient.
The disobedience of the children was another grief to old Mrs. Pan. She did not understand how it was that four children could all be disobedient, for this meant that they had never been taught to obey their parents and revere13 their elders, which are the first lessons a child should learn.
"How is it, " she once asked her son, "that the children do not know how to obey?'
Mr. Pan had laughed, though uncomfortably. "Here in America the children are not taught as we were in China," he explained.
"But my grandchildren are Chinese nevertheless," old Mrs. Pan said in some astonishment14.
"They are always with Americans," Mr. Pan explained. "It is very difficult to teach them."
Old Mrs. Pan did not understand, for Chinese and Americans are different beings, one on the west side of the sea and one on the east, and the sea is always between. Therefore, why should they not continue to live apart even in the same city? She felt in her heart that the children should be kept at home and taught those things which must be learned, but she said nothing. She felt lonely and there was no one who understood the things she felt and she was quite useless. That was the most difficult thing: She was of no use here. She could not even remember which spout15 the hot water came from and which brought the cold. Sometimes she turned on one and them the other, until her son's wife came in briskly and said, "Let me, Mother."
So she gave up and sat uselessly all day, not by the window, because the machines and the many people frightened her. She sat where she could not see out; she looked at a few books, and day by day she grew thinner and thinner until Mr. Pan was concerned beyond endurance.
One day he said to his wife, "Sophia, we must do something for my mother. There is no use in saving her from death in our village if she dies here in the city. Do you see how thin her hands are?"
I have seen," his good young wife said. "But what can we do
"Is there no woman you know who can speak Chinese with her?" Mr. Pan asked, "She needs to have someone to whom she can talk about the village and all the things she knows. She cannot talk to you because you can only speak English, and I am to busy making our living to sit and listen to her."
Young Mrs. Pan considered. "I have a friend," she said at last, "a schoolmate whose family compelled her to speak Chinese. Now she is a social worker here in the city. She visits families in Chinatown and this is her work. I will call her up and ask her to spend some time here so that our old mother can be happy enough to eat again."
"Do so," Mr. Pan said.
That very morning, when Mr. Pan was gone, young Mrs. Pan made the call and found her friend, Lili Yang, and she explained everything to her.
"We are really in very much trouble," she said finally. "His mother is thinner every day, and she is so afraid she will die here. She has made us promise that we will not bury her in foreign soil but will send her coffin16 back to the ancestral village. We have promised, but can we keep this promise, Lili? Yet I am so afraid, because I think she will die, and Billy will think he must keep his promise and he will try to take the coffin back and then he will be killed. Please help us, Lili."
Lili Yang promised and within a few days she came to the apartment and young Mrs. Pan led her into the inner room, which was old Mrs. Pan's room and where she always sat, wrapped in her satin coat and holding a magazine at whose pictures she did not care to look. She took up that magazine when she did not want to hurt her feelings, but the pictures frightened her. The women looked bold and evil, their bosoms17 bare, and sometimes they wore only a little silk stuff over their legs and this shocked her. She wondered that her son's wife would put such a magazine into her hands, but she did not ask questions. There would have been no end to them had she once begun, and the ways of foreigners did not interest her.
Most of the time she sat silent and still, her head sunk on her breast, dreaming of the village, the big house there where she and her husband had lived together with his parents and where their children were born. She knew that the village had fallen into the hands of their enemies and that strangers lived in the house, but she hoped even so that the land was tilled. All that she remembered was the way it had been when she was a young woman and before the evil had come to pass.
She heard now her daughter-in-law's voice. "Mother, this is a friend. She is Miss Lili Yang. She has come to see you."
Old Mrs. Pan remembered her manners. She tried to rise but Lili took her hands and begged her to keep seated.
"You must not rise to one so much younger," she exclaimed.
Old Mrs. Pan lifted her head. "You speak such good Chinese!"
"I was taught by my parents," Lili said. She sat down on a chair near the old lady.
Mrs. Pan leaned forward and put her hand on Lili's knee. "Have you been in our country?" she asked eagerly.
Lili shook her head. "That is my sorrow. I have not and I want to know about it. I have come here to listen to you tell me." "Excuse me," young Mrs. Pan said, "I must prepare the dinner for the family."
She slipped away so that the two could be alone and old Mrs. Pan looked after her sadly. "She never wishes to hear; she is always busy."
"You must remember in this country we have no servants," Lili reminded her gently.
"Yes," old Mrs. Pan said, "and why not?" I have told my son it is not fitting to have my daught-in-law cooking and washing in the kitchen. We should have at least three servants: one for me, one for the children and one to clean and cook. At home we had many more but here we have only a few rooms."
Lili did not try to explain. "Everything is different here and let us not talk about it," she said. "Let us talk about your home and the village. I want to know how it looks and what goes on there."
Old Mrs. Pan was delighted. She smoothed the gray satin of her coat as it lay on her knees and she began.
"You must know that our village lies in a wide valley from which the mountains rise as sharply as tiger's teeth."
"Is it so? Lili said, making a voice of wonder.
"It is, and the village is not a small one. On the contrary, the walls encircle more than one thousand souls, all of whom are relatives of our family,"
"A large family," Lili said.
"It is," old Mrs. Pan said, "and my son's father was the head of it. We lived in a house with seventy rooms. I was in the midst of the village. We had gardens in the courtyards. My own garden contained also a pool wherein are aged18 goldfish, very fat. I fed them millet19 and they knew me."
"How amusing." Lili saw with pleasure that the old lady's cheeks were faintly pink and that her large beautiful eyes were beginning to shine and glow. "And how many years did you live there, Ancient One?"
"I went there as a bride. I was seventeen." She looked at Lili, questioning, "How old are you?"
Lili smiled, somewhat ashamed, "I am twenty-seven."
Mrs. Pan was shocked. "Twenty-seven? But my son's wife called you Miss."
"I am not married." Lili confessed.
Mrs. Pan was instantly concerned. "How is this?" she asked. "Are your parents dead?"
"They are dead," Lili said, "but it is not their fault that I am not married."
Old Mrs. Pan would not agree to this. She shook her head with decision. "It is the duty of the parents to arrange the marriage of the children. When death approached, they should have attended to this for you. Now who is left to perform the task? Have you brothers?'
"No," Lili said, "I am an only child. But please don't worry yourself, Madame Pan. I am earning my own living and there are many young women like me in this country."
Old Mrs. Pan was dignified20 about this. "I cannot be responsible for what other persons do,, but I must be responsible for my own kind," she declared. "Allow me to know the names of the suitable persons who can arrange your marriage. I will stand in the place of your mother. We are all in a foreign country now and we must keep together and the old must help the young in these important matters."
Lili was kind and she knew that Mrs. Pan meant kindness. "Dear Madame Pan," she said. "Marriage in America is very different from marriage in China. Here the young people choose their own mates."
"Why do you not choose, then?" Mrs. Pan inquired.
"They wait," Lili confessed.'"And if they are not asked?"
"They continue to wait," Lili said gently.
"How long?" Mrs. Pan demanded.
"As long as they live."
Old Mrs. Pan was profoundly shocked. "Do you tell me that there is no person who arranges such matters when it is necessary?"
"Such an arrangement is not thought of here," Lili told her.
"And they allow their women to remain unmarried?" Mrs. Pan exclaimed. "Are there also sons who do not marry?"
"Here men do not marry unless they wish to do so."
Mrs. Pan was even more shocked. "How can this be?" she asked. "Of course, men will not marry unless they are compelled to do so to provide grandchildren for the family. It is necessary to make laws and create customs so that a man who will not marry is denounced as an unfilial son and one who does not fulfill21 his duty to his ancestors."
"Here the ancestors are forgotten and parents are not important," Lili said unwillingly22.
"What a country is this," Mrs. Pan exclaimed. "How can such a country endure?"
Lili did not reply. Old Mrs. Pan had unknowingly touched upon a wound in her heart. No man had ever asked her to marry him. Yet above all else she would like to be married and to have children. She was a good social worker, and the head of the Children's Bureau sometimes told her that he would not know what to do without her and she must never leave them, for then there would be no one to serve the people in Chinatown. She did not wish to leave except to be married, but how could she find a husband? She looked down at her hands, clasped in her lap, and thought that if she had been in her own country, if her father had not come here as a young man and married here, she would have been in China and by now the mother of many children. Instead what would become of her? She would grow older and older, and twenty-seven was already old, and at last hope must die.
She knew several American girls quite well; they liked her, and she knew that they faced the same fate. They, too, were waiting. They tried very hard; they went in summer to hotels and in winter to ski lodges23, where men gathered and were a leisure enough to think about them, and in confidence they told one another of their efforts. They compared their experiences. "Do you think men like talkative women or quiet ones?" "Do you think men like lipstick24 or none?" Such questions they asked of one another and who could answer them? If a girl succeeded in winning a proposal from a man, then all the other girls envied her and asked her special questions and immediately she became someone above them all, a successful woman. The job which had once been so valuable then became worthless and it was given away easily and gladly. But how could she explain this to old Mrs. Pan?
Meanwhile Mrs. Pan had been studying Lili's face carefully and with thought. This was not a pretty girl. Her face was too flat, and her mouth was large. She looked like a girl from Canton and not from Hangchow or Soochow. But she had nice skin, and her eyes, though small, were kind. She was the sort of girl, Mrs. Pan could see, who would make an excellent wife and a good mother, but certainly she was one for whom a marriage must be arranged. She was a decent, plain, good girl and, left to herself, Mrs. Pan could predict, nothing at all would happen. She would wither3 away like a dying flower.
Old Mrs. Pan forgot herself for the first time since she had been hurried away from the village without even being allowed to stop and see that the salted cabbage, drying on ropes across the big courtyard, was brought in for the winter. She had been compelled to leave it there and she had often thought of it with regret. She could have brought some with her had she known it was not to be had here. But there it was, and it was only one thing among the others that she had left undone25. Many people depended upon her and she had left them, because her son compelled her, and she was not used to this idleness that was killing26 her day by day.
Now as she looked at Lili's kind, ugly face it occurred to her that here there was something she could do. She could find a husband for this good girl, and it would be counted for merit when she went to heaven. A good deed is a good deed, whether one is in China or in America, for the same heaven stretches above all.
She patted Lili's clasped hands. "Do not grieve anymore," she said tenderly. "I will arrange everything."
"I am not grieving," Lili said.
"Of course, you are," Mrs. Pan retorted. "I see you are a true woman, and women grieve when they are not wed6 so that they can have children. You are grieving for your children."
Lili could not deny it. She would have been ashamed to confess to any other person except this old Chinese lady who might have been her grandmother. She bent27 her head and bit her lip; she let a tear or two fall upon her hands. Then she nodded. Yes, she grieved in the secret places of her heart, in the darkness of the lonely nights, when she thought of the empty future of her life.
"Do not grieve," old Mrs. Pan was saying, "I will arrange it; I will do it."
It was so comforting a murmur28 that Lili could not bear it. She said, "I came to comfort you, but it is you who comfort me." Then she got up and went out of the room quickly because she did not want to sob12 aloud.
She was unseen, for young Mrs. Pan had gone to market and the children were at school, and Lili went away telling herself that it was all absurd, that an old woman from the middle of China who could not speak a word of English would not be able to change this American world, even for her.
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1
bullies
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| n.欺凌弱小者, 开球 vt.恐吓, 威胁, 欺负 | |
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2
wharf
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| n.码头，停泊处 | |
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3
wither
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| vt.使凋谢，使衰退，(用眼神气势等)使畏缩；vi.枯萎，衰退，消亡 | |
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4
withered
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| adj. 枯萎的，干瘪的，（人身体的部分器官）因病萎缩的或未发育良好的 动词wither的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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5
clenched
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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6
wed
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| v.娶，嫁，与…结婚 | |
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7
prettily
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| adv.优美地；可爱地 | |
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8
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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9
distressed
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| 痛苦的 | |
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10
coax
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| v.哄诱，劝诱，用诱哄得到，诱取 | |
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11
willows
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| n.柳树( willow的名词复数 )；柳木 | |
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12
sob
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| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
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13
revere
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| vt.尊崇，崇敬，敬畏 | |
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14
astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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15
spout
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| v.喷出，涌出；滔滔不绝地讲；n.喷管；水柱 | |
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16
coffin
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| n.棺材，灵柩 | |
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17
bosoms
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| 胸部( bosom的名词复数 )； 胸怀； 女衣胸部（或胸襟）； 和爱护自己的人在一起的情形 | |
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18
aged
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| adj.年老的，陈年的 | |
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19
millet
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| n.小米，谷子 | |
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20
dignified
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| a.可敬的，高贵的 | |
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21
fulfill
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| vt.履行，实现，完成；满足，使满意 | |
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22
unwillingly
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| adv.不情愿地 | |
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23
lodges
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| v.存放( lodge的第三人称单数 )；暂住；埋入；（权利、权威等）归属 | |
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24
lipstick
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| n.口红，唇膏 | |
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25
undone
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| a.未做完的，未完成的 | |
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26
killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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27
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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28
murmur
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| n.低语，低声的怨言；v.低语，低声而言 | |
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