词汇大师--What Sisters Say About Each Other

　　AA: I'm Avi Arditti with Rosanne Skirble, and this week on WORDMASTER: We're joined by Deborah Tannen, the Georgetown University linguist¹ and author of best-selling books on how we communicate. Her early work focused on the different conversation styles of men and women. Later came mothers and daughters.
Deborah Tannen's most recent book, now in paperback², is called "You Were Always Mom's Favorite! Sisters in Conversation Throughout Their Lives."
DEBORAH TANNEN: "For this book I interviewed over one hundred women. It was not a formal interview; I didn't have a set of questions or anything like that. I just started with people I knew. They recommended people they knew. And I wasn't looking to say anything general about particular groups, but I included people from many groups: Asian-Americans, African-Americans, Italian-Americans, European-Americans. But I was just listening to hear anecdotes³ and see patterns in the anecdotes that I heard.
"And I got such a range. Everything from 'My sister is myself, I can't imagine life without her,' and then I also heard 'I don't want anyone to kill my sister because I want that pleasure myself.'" [Laughter]
RS: "Quite a range."
AA: "Which is interesting, because you are a linguist, after all, and so you're hearing, but then maybe you're hearing also at a deeper level. And, in fact, there's one line in your book here, you say 'Separating messages from metamessages in conversation can help dispel⁴ unnecessary hurts.' What do you mean by that?"

　　DEBORAH TANNEN: "This is a theme that runs through every book I've written. Message and metamessage are present in everything we say. Message would be the meaning of the words. The metamessage is what we think it says about the relationship and about your intentions that you say something in this way at this time.
"Often when there were conflicts, again, in any family relationship or any relationship at all, people agreed on the message if we spoke⁵ the same language. But they disagreed on the metamessage: What did it mean that you said that? Now, frequently, this happened especially between oldest and younger ones, but could happen in any close relationship.
"So the older sister, I was frequently told, is judgmental. Where did that come from? She was being helpful, from her point of view, telling you how you could improve. And we frequently see how other people could improve their lives -- things they should be doing they're not doing, things they could do better -- "
AA: "That we think they could be doing better."
DEBORAH TANNEN: "We think they could be doing better. Normally we don't say anything, but if it's someone close to you that you love, many people feel they have a right, maybe an obligation⁶ to say it."
RS: "And what patterns emerged⁷?"
DEBORAH TANNEN: "The most striking⁸ thing was almost everybody started by telling me they're different. And it might be 'We've always been close even though we're very different.' Or it might be 'We were never very close. We're very different.' And that made me wonder, why is being different the starting point? And so the pattern was that people seem to think of their lives in comparison to their sister's life.
"A woman told me she graduated number ten in a graduating class, high school class, of two hundred, but she still thought she was not smart because her sister had graduated number one. So in many cases it's not always, are we tall or short [but] are we taller or shorter than our sisters? So that was one pattern that emerged quickly."
RS: "And competition would follow right on that."
DEBORAH TANNEN: "One of the reasons that sisters fascinated⁹ me, everything that we do and every conversation we have, we're balancing two dynamics¹⁰: how close or distant do we want to be and the competition. Who has more power?
"We often think, and I have written myself, that women tend to focus more on the connection level. But sisters are always competitive¹¹ as well. So they're very connected and the competition and the hierarchy¹² is always there because of the order by age. So that was fascinating.
"Competition -- sometimes it was good-natured. A woman said she had a conversation with her sister. Her sister said 'I spoke to Mom twice yesterday.' She said 'Well, I spoke to her once, but we had a better conversation.'"
AA: We'll be back next week with linguist Deborah Tannen, author of "You Were Always Mom's Favorite! Sisters in Conversation Throughout Their Lives." In case you're wondering, she has two older sisters and says they have always been a cherished¹³ part of her life.
And that's WORDMASTER for this week. With Rosanne Skirble, I'm Avi Arditti.

1 linguist   

n.语言学家；精通数种外国语言者

参考例句：

• I used to be a linguist till I become a writer.过去我是个语言学家，后来成了作家。
• Professor Cui has a high reputation as a linguist.崔教授作为语言学家名声很高。

2 paperback   

n.平装本，简装本

参考例句：

• A paperback edition is now available at bookshops.平装本现在在书店可以买到。
• Many books that are out of print are reissued in paperback form.许多绝版的书籍又以平装本形式重新出现。

3 anecdotes   

n.掌故，趣闻，轶事( anecdote的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• amusing anecdotes about his brief career as an actor 关于他短暂演员生涯的趣闻逸事
• He related several anecdotes about his first years as a congressman. 他讲述自己初任议员那几年的几则轶事。 来自《简明英汉词典》

4 dispel   

vt.驱走，驱散，消除

参考例句：

• I tried in vain to dispel her misgivings.我试图消除她的疑虑，但没有成功。
• We hope the programme will dispel certain misconceptions about the disease.我们希望这个节目能消除对这种疾病的一些误解。

5 spoke   

n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说

参考例句：

• They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
• The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。

6 obligation   

n.（法律、道德上的）义务，责任

参考例句：

• Every player is under an obligation to keep the rules.每个选手都必须遵守这些规则。
• It is the obligation of citizens to perform military service.服兵役是每个公民的义务。

7 emerged   

vi. 浮现, (由某种状态)脱出, (事实)显现出来

参考例句：

• They emerged from the church into the bright daylight. 他们走出教堂来到明亮的日光下。
• The swimmer emerged from the lake. 游泳者从湖水中浮出来。

8 striking   

adj.显著的，惹人注目的，容貌出众的

参考例句：

• There is a striking difference between Jane and Mary.简和玛丽之间有显著的差异。
• What is immediately striking is how resourceful the children are.最令人注目的是孩子们的机智聪明。

9 fascinated   

a.被强烈地吸引住，感到着迷的

参考例句：

• China has always fascinated me. 中国一直令我心驰神往。
• The children watched, fascinated, as the picture began to appear. 电影开始以后孩子们入迷地观看着。

10 dynamics   

n.力学，动力学，动力，原动力；动态

参考例句：

• In order to succeed,you must master complicated knowledge of dynamics.要取得胜利，你必须掌握很复杂的动力学知识。
• Dynamics is a discipline that cannot be mastered without extensive practice.动力学是一门不做大量习题就不能掌握的学科。

11 competitive   

adj.竞争的，比赛的，好竞争的，有竞争力的

参考例句：

• Some kinds of business are competitive.有些商业是要竞争的。
• These businessmen are both competitive and honourable.这些商人既有竞争性又很诚实。

12 hierarchy   

n.等级制度；统治集团，领导层

参考例句：

• There is a rigid hierarchy of power in that country.那个国家有一套严密的权力等级制度。
• She's high up in the management hierarchy.她在管理阶层中地位很高。

13 cherished   

v.珍爱( cherish的过去式和过去分词 )；怀有；爱护；抚育

参考例句：

• Children need to be cherished. 儿童需要无微不至的爱护。
• She cherished a deep resentment under the rose towards her employer. 她暗中对她的雇主怀恨在心。 来自《简明英汉词典》