Catching a Rabbit

    The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove thatthey are the best at apprehending¹ criminals. The Presidentdecides to give them a test.  He releases a rabbit into aforest and has each of them try to catch it.
    The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations² they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
    Then the FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads theyburn the forest, filling everything in it, including therabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
    Then the LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with abadly beaten raccoon. The raccoon is yelling: "Okay! Okay!
    I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

1 apprehending   

逮捕，拘押( apprehend的现在分词 )； 理解

参考例句：

• China has not been totally unsuccessful apprehending corruption suspects. 在逮捕腐化分子方面，中国并非毫无进展。
• Apprehending violence is not an easy task. 惧怕暴力不是一件容易的事。

2 investigations   

（正式的）调查( investigation的名词复数 )； 侦查； 科学研究； 学术研究

参考例句：

• His investigations were intensive and thorough but revealed nothing. 他进行了深入彻底的调查，但没有发现什么。
• He often sent them out to make investigations. 他常常派他们出去作调查。