万万没想到：职场人见人爱只要六招

 　　So you want to know how to make people like you? It's easier than you think.Here are six research-backed tips:

　　你想知道如何让别人喜欢你吗？其实比你想的要容易的多。研究得出以下6条结论：

　　1. Encourage people to talk about themselves1. 鼓励人们谈论他们自己

　　It gives their brain as much pleasure as food or money:

　　这种做法给大脑带来的愉悦相当于食物或者金钱：

　　Talking about ourselves - whether in a personal conversation or through social media sites like Facebook and Twitter - triggers the same sensation of pleasure in the brain as food or money, researchers reported.

　　研究者们的报告称，无论是在私人谈话还是通过脸书推特这些社交媒体交流时，谈论自我总会激发类似于食物和金钱给大脑带来的愉悦感。

　　"Self-disclosure is extra rewarding," said Harvard neuroscientist Diana Tamir, who conducted the experiments with Harvard colleague Jason Mitchell. Their findings were published in the Proceedings¹ of the National Academy of Sciences. "People were even willing to forgo² money in order to talk about themselves," Ms. Tamir said.“自我表露会带来超级多的满足感。”哈佛大学神经系统科学家黛安娜·塔米尔说。她和她哈佛的同事詹森·米切尔共同完成了这个实验，他们的科研结果发表在《美国国家科学院院刊》上。她说：“人们甚至不要钱，也想要表露自己。”

　　2. To give feedback, ask questions

　　2. 提供反馈，询问问题

　　If you use questions to guide people toward the errors in their thinking process and allow them to come up with the solution themselves, they're less likely to feel threatened and more likely to follow through.

　　如果你使用问题来引导人们发现他们在思考过程中的错误，允许他们自己想出解决办法，人们更不容易感受到威胁，且更愿意跟随你的引导。

　　It's not you searching for problems; it's him searching for gaps in his thinking process. The more you can help people find their own insights, the easier it will be to help others be effective, even when someone has lost the plot on an important project. Bringing other people to insight means letting go of "constructive³ performance feedback," and replacing it with "facilitating positive change."不是你来寻找问题，而是他来寻找自身思考过程中的缺漏。你越能帮助他们找到自己的见解，就更能有效的帮助他人，即使在他压根没意识到一个重要项目的情况到底是怎样时。让他人找到正确的见解意味着“促进积极的改变”，而不是“建设性的表现反馈”。

　　3. Ask for advice

　　3. 寻求建议

　　Stanford professor Jeffrey Pfeffer, persuasion⁴ expert Robert Cialdini and many others have all recommended asking for advice as a powerful way to influence others and warm them to you.

　　斯坦福教授杰弗里·普费弗、谈判专家罗伯特·恰尔迪尼以及其他专业人士都推荐过询问他人的建议是一种很有力的影响他人并且让他人喜欢你的好方法。

　　Wharton professor Adam Grant breaks down the science behind it:New research shows that advice seeking is a surprisingly effective strategy for exercising influence when we lack authority. In one experiment, a researcher had people negotiate the possible sale of commercial property. When the sellers focused on their goal of getting the highest possible price, only eight percent reached a successful agreement. When the sellers asked the buyers for advice on how to meet their goals, 42 percent reached a successful agreement. Asking for advice encouraged greater cooperation and information sharing, turning a potentially contentious⁵ negotiation⁶ into a win-win deal. Studies demonstrate that across the manufacturing, financial services, insurance and pharmaceutical⁷ industries, seeking advice is among the most effective ways to influence peers, superiors, and subordinates.

　　沃顿商学院的亚当·格兰特解释了这背后的道理：新研究显示当我们缺乏权威的时候，询问他人建议是一种影响他人的有效手段。在一次实验中，一名实验员让人们来谈论一处房地产的销售。当销售人员只专注于想要卖出尽可能的高的价格的时候，只有8％的人达到了目标。当销售人员询问顾客如何才能满足他们的要求时，42％的销售人员最后达到了卖出房产的目的。寻求建议鼓励了人们之间更多的合作以及信息的共享，把潜在的有争议的协商变成一个双赢的局面。研究显示，在制造业、金融服务业、保险业和医药行业，询问对方的建议都是最有效影响同事、上司和下属的方法。

　　4. The two-question technique

　　4. “两个问题”的技巧

　　Ask them about something positive in their life. Only after they reply should you ask them how they're feeling about life in general.Sounds silly, but this method is based on research by Nobel Prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman.A positive answer on the first question will lead to them feeling more positive about their life in general when you ask the second question:

　　询问他人生活中积极的东西，在他们回答后再询问他们对于生活什么看法。这个方法是基于诺贝尔奖心理学家丹尼尔·卡内曼的研究。对于第一个问题的积极回答会引导人们在回答第二个问题的时候也感到积极：

　　The same pattern is found if a question about the students' relations with their parents or about their finances immediately precedes the question about general happiness. In both cases, satisfaction in the particular domain⁸ dominates happiness reports. Any emotionally significant question that alters a person's mood will have the same effect.

　　同样的模式也表现在询问学生和父母的关系或者经济情况如何。在这两个例子里，报告显示满意度在特定领域会主宰幸福，任何情感上的重大问题对于改变一个人的情绪都有着同样的作用。

　　5. Repeat the last three words

　　5. 重复最后三个词

　　Active listening has incredible power, and hostage negotiators use it to build rapport⁹. What's the quick and dirty way to do active listening without training? Social skills expert and author Leil Lowndes recommends simple repetition: "…simply repeat - or parrot - the last two or three words your companion said, in a sympathetic, questioning tone. That throws the conversational¹⁰ ball right back in your partner's court."积极的倾听具有不可思议的力量，人质谈判人员用它来建立融洽的关系。未经过培训有什么快速直接的方法积极的倾听吗？社交技能专家和作家 莱·朗兹推荐的是简单的重复，简单的重复或者鹦鹉学舌般的重复你的小伙伴说的最后两个或者三个字，使用一种同情或者质疑的语气。这样会把对话重新丢会到你的小伙伴那边。

　　It shows you're listening and interested, and it lets them get back to telling their story. You've got to be slightly savvy¹¹ about this one, but it's surprisingly effective.

　　这样显示你在听，而且你很感兴趣，也会让你的小伙伴有兴致把接下来的故事说完。使用这个方法的时候你需要稍微精明点，但是效果很好。

　　6. Gossip - but positively¹²

　　6. 积极八卦

　　Research shows what you say about others colors how people see you. Compliment other people, and you're likely to be seen positively. Complain, and you're likely to be associated with those negative traits you hate:

　　研究显示你如何评论他人，也会影响让人如何评价你。赞美他人，你留下的也许是个积极的印象。而抱怨，会把你和这些不好的负面的影响都联系起来。

　　When you gossip about another person, listeners unconsciously associate you with the characteristics you are describing, ultimately leading to those characteristics' being "transferred" to you. So, say positive and pleasant things about friends and colleagues, and you are seen as a nice person. In contrast, constantly complain about their failings, and people will unconsciously apply the negative traits and incompetence¹³ to you.

　　当你说别人的八卦的时候，听者会无意识的把你和你所描述的性格联系起来，最终导致这些不好的人格转移到你的身上。所以尽量讨论同事朋友积极愉快的事情，你看上去就会使个很好的人。相反的话，经常抱怨他人的失败，他人也会无意识的把这些失败和你联系起来。

 

1 proceedings   

n.进程，过程，议程；诉讼(程序)；公报

参考例句：

• He was released on bail pending committal proceedings. 他交保获释正在候审。
• to initiate legal proceedings against sb 对某人提起诉讼

2 forgo   

v.放弃，抛弃

参考例句：

• Time to prepare was a luxuary he would have to forgo.因为时间不够，他不得不放弃做准备工作。
• She would willingly forgo a birthday treat if only her warring parents would declare a truce.只要她的父母停止争吵，她愿意放弃生日宴请。

3 constructive   

adj.建设的，建设性的

参考例句：

• We welcome constructive criticism.我们乐意接受有建设性的批评。
• He is beginning to deal with his anger in a constructive way.他开始用建设性的方法处理自己的怒气。

4 persuasion   

n.劝说；说服；持有某种信仰的宗派

参考例句：

• He decided to leave only after much persuasion.经过多方劝说，他才决定离开。
• After a lot of persuasion,she agreed to go.经过多次劝说后，她同意去了。

5 contentious   

adj.好辩的，善争吵的

参考例句：

• She was really not of the contentious fighting sort.她委实不是好吵好闹的人。
• Since then they have tended to steer clear of contentious issues.从那时起，他们总想方设法避开有争议的问题。

6 negotiation   

n.谈判，协商

参考例句：

• They closed the deal in sugar after a week of negotiation.经过一星期的谈判，他们的食糖生意成交了。
• The negotiation dragged on until July.谈判一直拖到7月份。

7 pharmaceutical   

adj.药学的，药物的；药用的，药剂师的

参考例句：

• She has donated money to establish a pharmaceutical laboratory.她捐款成立了一个药剂实验室。
• We are engaged in a legal tussle with a large pharmaceutical company.我们正同一家大制药公司闹法律纠纷。

8 domain   

n.(活动等)领域，范围；领地，势力范围

参考例句：

• This information should be in the public domain.这一消息应该为公众所知。
• This question comes into the domain of philosophy.这一问题属于哲学范畴。

9 rapport   

n.和睦，意见一致

参考例句：

• She has an excellent rapport with her staff.她跟她职员的关系非常融洽。
• We developed a high degree of trust and a considerable personal rapport.我们发展了高度的互相信任和不错的私人融洽关系。

10 conversational   

adj.对话的，会话的

参考例句：

• The article is written in a conversational style.该文是以对话的形式写成的。
• She values herself on her conversational powers.她常夸耀自己的能言善辩。

11 savvy   

v.知道，了解；n.理解能力，机智，悟性；adj.有见识的，懂实际知识的，通情达理的

参考例句：

• She was a pretty savvy woman.她是个见过世面的漂亮女人。
• Where's your savvy?你的常识到哪里去了？

12 positively   

adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实

参考例句：

• She was positively glowing with happiness.她满脸幸福。
• The weather was positively poisonous.这天气着实讨厌。

13 incompetence   

n.不胜任，不称职

参考例句：

• He was dismissed for incompetence. 他因不称职而被解雇。
• She felt she had been made a scapegoat for her boss's incompetence. 她觉得，本是老板无能，但她却成了替罪羊。