Why Men Are Becoming More Like Women

Why Men Are Becoming More Like Women

 In its recent special on the state of American women, Time magazine announced that the gender¹ wars were over and declared a tie. "It's no longer a man's world," Time concluded. "Nor is it a woman's nation. It's a cooperative, with bylaws under constant negotiation² and expectations that profits be equally shared."

I'm not so sure. In a war, no matter the outcome of a certain skirmish or battle, the winner is the party whose attitudes, behaviors and preoccupations come to dominate the postwar landscape. By this measure, the outcome of the gender wars, if wars they were, is clear: Women won.

Men's attitudes more and more resemble women's attitudes. In 1977, for example, 72 percent of men believed men should be the primary breadwinners and women should be the primary caretakers of home and family. Today, only 42 percent of men hold those opinions, which happens to be almost exactly the same as the percentage of women who feel that way (38 percent).

Men's behaviors are becoming more and more like women's. In 1977, men spent, on average, only six hours a week doing housework, as compared to 21 hours for women. Today, when it comes to the "second shift," men look a lot like women—men now spend 13 hours a week on housework, while women spend 17. Similarly, 40 years ago, the average Don Draper spent only two hours a day caring for his nonteen kids, while the average Betty devoted³ almost twice that much time to her kids—3.8 hours per day. Today, Betty's kid time is exactly the same, while Don's has climbed to three hours per day. Gen Y dads have taken it up a notch⁴. They now spend more than four hours a day on childcare.

"To know a culture, look to its heroes," goes the saying, and here, too, we see change and new models of leadership. Gone are the macho monarchs—Jack "Neutron⁵" Welch, George "The Decider" Bush, Michael "Micromanager" Eisner and Carly "The Fighter" Fiorina (not all male models are masculine). In their place, we now honor a new style of leader, no less visionary, but more pragmatic, more conciliatory, building consensus⁶ as they quietly get things done—in the Oval Office, Barack Obama; at Hewlett Packard, Mark Hurd; at Disney HQ, Bob Eiger; and at the Welch mansion⁷, the softer, friendlier hybrid⁸, JackandSuzy.

Even our entertainment heroes have lost their masculine muscle. Arnold, Bruce and Stallone are long gone from the screen, but even the flirty⁹, flaky, funny adolescents—Tom, Brad, Jim, and Will—no longer charm us quite as much as they once did. Instead, our leading men are the likes of Zac Efron who, though he can still "Michael Jordan" it on the court, now has to sing and dance charmingly to earn our affection. Or the dangerous but effete¹⁰ and oh-so-delicate Robert Pattinson of Twilight¹¹ fame. Or the gender-bending, pirate-styling and pretty Johnny Depp. Even James Bond has found his feminine side—all he wants is a quantum of solace¹², crushed as he is at the thought that the one he loved, really truly loved, betrayed him.

The war is over. Women won. And, as ever, to the victor go the spoils.

And what are the spoils of this particular war?

The spoils are choices. Women have more choices than ever before in their work, home and lifestyles. And yes, men are becoming more like women, and so men are starting to face the same multitude of choices that women tackle.

Today, with many companies offering paternal¹³ leave, men now have the choice to stay at home after the birth of their newborn—which, as any dad will tell you, is a wondrous¹⁴ gift. But they also have the choice to take advantage of this leave and stay at home wondering whether this absence will hurt their careers.

Men have the choice to stay at home even longer and assume the chief caregiver role—this happens in 40 percent of U.S. households, either through choice or circumstance (in 40 percent of U.S. households, the woman is the primary wage earner). But they have to face the fact that, in making this choice, their skills might become obsolete¹⁵ and their wages, when they re-enter the workforce¹⁶, will wind up reflecting their out-of-date proficiency¹⁷. According to recent research, this kind of career interruption with its attendant decline in relevant skills, rather than pure gender discrimination, accounts for almost all of the fabled¹⁸ 77 cents-on-the-dollar male/female wage gap.

Men have the choice to arrange their schedules so they can pick up the kids from school twice a week. And they have the choice not to, and then to feel guilty about this choice.

The choice-filled world that women have bestowed¹⁹ on men is a tough world. Tough on women; even tougher on men. At least that's what the data reveal. In 1977, 41 percent of women reported feeling some level of work/life conflict, whereas only 35 percent of men did. Today, about the same percentage of women report work/life conflict, but 59 percent of men are now similarly torn.

Or maybe it's not tougher on men. It's just that men aren't used to it, and so they feel it more. And so they complain more, as all novices²⁰ do.

The victors are leading men into a new world, a world devoid²¹ of narrow paths and clear finish lines, a world of broad expanses of choice and role, a world where you, not society, can decide your definitions of success and fulfillment. In its abundance, it is a wonderful world. It is also a world where, as women have found, if you possess a poor internal compass, you can wind up utterly²² lost.

So wake up, men. Whatever women are feeling, you are now free to feel it too.

1 gender   

n.（生理上的）性，（名词、代词等的）性

参考例句：

• French differs from English in having gender for all nouns.法语不同于英语，所有的名词都有性。
• Women are sometimes denied opportunities solely because of their gender.妇女有时仅仅因为性别而无法获得种种机会。

2 negotiation   

n.谈判，协商

参考例句：

• They closed the deal in sugar after a week of negotiation.经过一星期的谈判，他们的食糖生意成交了。
• The negotiation dragged on until July.谈判一直拖到7月份。

3 devoted   

adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的

参考例句：

• He devoted his life to the educational cause of the motherland.他为祖国的教育事业贡献了一生。
• We devoted a lengthy and full discussion to this topic.我们对这个题目进行了长时间的充分讨论。

4 notch   

n.(V字形)槽口，缺口，等级

参考例句：

• The peanuts they grow are top-notch.他们种的花生是拔尖的。
• He cut a notch in the stick with a sharp knife.他用利刃在棒上刻了一个凹痕。

5 neutron   

n.中子

参考例句：

• Neutron is neutral and slightly heavier than the proton.中子是中性的，比质子略重。
• Based on the neutron energy,the value of weighting factor was given.根据中子能量给出了相应的辐射权重因子的数值。

6 consensus   

n.(意见等的)一致，一致同意，共识

参考例句：

• Can we reach a consensus on this issue?我们能在这个问题上取得一致意见吗？
• What is the consensus of opinion at the afternoon meeting?下午会议上一致的意见是什么？

7 mansion   

n.大厦，大楼；宅第

参考例句：

• The old mansion was built in 1850.这座古宅建于1850年。
• The mansion has extensive grounds.这大厦四周的庭园广阔。

8 hybrid   

n.(动，植）杂种，混合物

参考例句：

• That is a hybrid perpetual rose.那是一株杂交的四季开花的蔷薇。
• The hybrid was tall,handsome,and intelligent.那混血儿高大、英俊、又聪明。

9 flirty   

adj.爱调戏的，轻浮的

参考例句：

• Add a flirty blouse and cardigan for a super chic weekend look. 再穿一件风情万种的衬衫，搭配开襟羊毛衫，就是超级有型的周末装了。 来自互联网

10 effete   

adj.无生产力的，虚弱的

参考例句：

• People said the aristocracy was effete.人们说贵族阶级已是日薄西山了。
• During the ages,Greek civilization declined and became effete.在中世纪期间，希腊文明开始衰落直至衰败。

11 twilight   

n.暮光，黄昏；暮年，晚期，衰落时期

参考例句：

• Twilight merged into darkness.夕阳的光辉融于黑暗中。
• Twilight was sweet with the smell of lilac and freshly turned earth.薄暮充满紫丁香和新翻耕的泥土的香味。

12 solace   

n.安慰；v.使快乐；vt.安慰(物)，缓和

参考例句：

• They sought solace in religion from the harshness of their everyday lives.他们日常生活很艰难，就在宗教中寻求安慰。
• His acting career took a nosedive and he turned to drink for solace.演艺事业突然一落千丈，他便借酒浇愁。

13 paternal   

adj.父亲的，像父亲的，父系的，父方的

参考例句：

• I was brought up by my paternal aunt.我是姑姑扶养大的。
• My father wrote me a letter full of his paternal love for me.我父亲给我写了一封充满父爱的信。

14 wondrous   

adj.令人惊奇的，奇妙的；adv.惊人地；异乎寻常地；令人惊叹地

参考例句：

• The internal structure of the Department is wondrous to behold.看一下国务院的内部结构是很有意思的。
• We were driven across this wondrous vast land of lakes and forests.我们乘车穿越这片有着湖泊及森林的广袤而神奇的土地。

15 obsolete   

adj.已废弃的，过时的

参考例句：

• These goods are obsolete and will not fetch much on the market.这些货品过时了，在市场上卖不了高价。
• They tried to hammer obsolete ideas into the young people's heads.他们竭力把陈旧思想灌输给青年。

16 workforce   

n.劳动大军，劳动力

参考例句：

• A large part of the workforce is employed in agriculture.劳动人口中一大部分受雇于农业。
• A quarter of the local workforce is unemployed.本地劳动力中有四分之一失业。

17 proficiency   

n.精通，熟练，精练

参考例句：

• He plied his trade and gained proficiency in it.他勤习手艺，技术渐渐达到了十分娴熟的地步。
• How do you think of your proficiency in written and spoken English?你认为你的书面英语和口语熟练程度如何？

18 fabled   

adj.寓言中的，虚构的

参考例句：

• For the first week he never actually saw the fabled Jack. 第一周他实际上从没见到传说中的杰克。
• Aphrodite, the Greek goddness of love, is fabled to have been born of the foam of the sea. 希腊爱神阿美罗狄蒂据说是诞生于海浪泡沫之中。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

19 bestowed   

赠给，授予( bestow的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• It was a title bestowed upon him by the king. 那是国王赐给他的头衔。
• He considered himself unworthy of the honour they had bestowed on him. 他认为自己不配得到大家赋予他的荣誉。

20 novices   

n.新手( novice的名词复数 )；初学修士（或修女）；（修会等的）初学生；尚未赢过大赛的赛马

参考例句：

• The Russians are such novices in Africa. 在非洲的俄国人简直都是些毫无经验的生手。 来自辞典例句
• Where the primary track all novices, screams everywhere, ha ha good terror. 那里的初级道上全是生手，到处都是尖叫声，哈哈好恐怖的。 来自互联网

21 devoid   

adj.全无的，缺乏的

参考例句：

• He is completely devoid of humour.他十分缺乏幽默。
• The house is totally devoid of furniture.这所房子里什么家具都没有。

22 utterly   

adv.完全地，绝对地

参考例句：

• Utterly devoted to the people,he gave his life in saving his patients.他忠于人民，把毕生精力用于挽救患者的生命。
• I was utterly ravished by the way she smiled.她的微笑使我完全陶醉了。