4 Steps to Discovering Who You're Meant to Be

 It's about figuring out what you're great at, what it takes to keep you moving forward, and exactly what you need to succeed.

1. Find Your Passion

The first part of figuring out how you want to spend your one and only life: identifying the activities that make you light up—the things you love to do more than anything else. Use this exercise to zero in on them.

Got your list? Great. Now whittle¹ it down.

Ask yourself, If I had to choose between the first activity and the second, which is more appealing to me? If you get stuck, close your eyes and envision a life in which the first activity plays a major role and the second doesn't exist. Now envision a life in which the second activity plays a major role and the first doesn't exist. Which image feels better? Once you have your answer, put your finger on the winner and compare that choice with the third activity.

Repeat this exercise all the way around the loop, moving your finger to the winning activity after each comparison; when you complete the loop, your finger will be on your number one passion. Write that activity at the top of the list below, and draw an X over the activity in the loop. Now repeat this process four more times (always starting from the top), and each time, skip the X-ed out activities.

You've just found your top five passions.

2. Take Stock of Your Strengths

Identifying your true talents isn't always easy. The trick: Let someone else do it for you.

How often have you gotten a compliment on your creativity or your patience or your resilience, only to wave it off, assuming that these strengths must come easily to everyone? In my 30 years as a lifestyle/career coach and author, the mistake I see people make time and again is failing to recognize their talents. An honest inventory² may be difficult—even impossible—for you to do yourself. So sit with a friend and try this exercise. It's a new twist on something I call the Self-Correcting Life Scenario³, and it's one of my favorites.—Barbara Sher

3. Tap Your Motivation

Having a goal is great. But as Martha Beck can tell you, making sure you have the incentive⁴ to stick with it is even better.

Now that you've framed your passion as a goal, it's time to think about what you'll need to stay passionate⁵ as you pursue it. Everyone has innate⁶ preferences for certain kinds of experience. Some people live to connect socially, others crave⁷ moments of personal insight, while still others thrive on the feeling of being the best. Whatever drives you, if you act in accordance with that drive as you move toward your goals, you'll tend to stay on track. If there's a disconnect, you're far more likely to find reasons to lose interest.

This part of our workbook will help you figure out, motivation-wise, what makes you tick. That insight will, in turn, help you reassess the feasibility of your goal. Think of it as a reality check for your dreams.

Reality-Check Your Goal

Write down the goal you created with your friend in Step 2.

Now, in light of your primary motivation style(s), reconsider this goal. How well does it correspond to the type of rewards and incentives⁸ you need?

You may find that your goal doesn't match your inner drive: You'd love to row across the Atlantic solo, say, but you're driven by Connection. Maybe in choosing, you were unconsciously influenced by other people's opinions, or by your own sense of what constitutes a "worthwhile" way to spend your time. Whatever the reason, if your goal simply doesn't match your heart's desires, now is the time to choose again. Go back and look at the second and third passions you identified in Step 1, and revisit your strengths in Step 2. Aligning⁹ your ambitions with your true personality is an important part of staying healthy, resilient, and enthusiastic.

Of course, there are also goals that seem an unlikely fit for a given motivation style but can be tweaked to give you more of the incentive you need. For example, if your goal is running a marathon but your motivation preference is Enlightenment, you could turn your training into "running meditation¹⁰." If you're an Accomplishment¹¹ junkie and you want to help victims of domestic violence, you could propose a specific goal-oriented project at a local shelter, or have two teams of volunteers compete to collect the most donations.

Even if your goal is well aligned¹² with your motivation style, you can probably amp it up. For example, if you value Connection and your goal involves saving oily seabirds from tanker¹³ accidents, can you bring your loved ones together to bond with you on a mercy mission? If you thrive on Influence and your goal involves working for civil rights, can you initiate¹⁴ a social-media outreach plan as part of the project?

If you're a Connection lover, ask yourself: How could I add more social interaction to my goal?

If you're a Security lover, ask yourself: How could I add more financial rewards to my goal?

If you're an Influence lover, ask yourself: How could I add more leadership to my goal?

If you're an Accomplishment lover, ask yourself: How could I add more competition to my goal?

If you're an Enlightenment lover, ask yourself: How could I add more freedom to my goal?

Restate your goal here, modifying it to increase the reward that motivates you most.

Forging Ahead

As you move toward your goal, make sure to fill every possible step with the rewards that motivate you best.

If you crave Connection, look for mentors¹⁵ who can guide you, a group that can support you, and ways to get your family involved in your activities. Say your goal is learning to knit: Find out if there's a knitting circle at your local yarn¹⁶ store; join ravelry.com, a social network for needlework aficionados¹⁷; try to get your mother or daughter to learn alongside you.

If Security is what drives you, avoid risks and embrace structure so you can relax and enjoy what you're doing, feeling safe and worry-free. If your goal is doing yoga but the cost of classes stresses you out, offer to assist the teacher before class in exchange for free lessons. If you long to travel, start with all-inclusive packages that take care of the details for you.

If you're motivated by a need for Accomplishment, try to make everything a game in which you can shoot for a clear goal and compete, even if you're only competing with yourself. If your goal is writing poetry, start taking part in poetry slams. If your goal is becoming fluent in Chinese, enlist¹⁸ a like-minded buddy¹⁹ and see who can get through language-learning software with the highest score.

If you're an Influence lover, don't hesitate to set group goals and galvanize others to help you achieve them. Why just volunteer to help famine victims in Somalia when you can organize a fund-raiser yourself? Why just master a new skill—whether it's composting or woodcarving—when you can launch a blog that tells others how they can do it, too? Waiting for other people to set the agenda will only frustrate²⁰ you. Leadership will fulfill²¹ you.

If you're most engaged by the quest for Enlightenment, don't put yourself in situations that compromise your sense of freedom: getting in shape by joining a fierce "boot camp" class at your gym, plowing²² through a book you don't like because everyone else in your club is reading it. Instead, devote yourself to meaningful pursuits—taking self-guided nature hikes, perhaps, or cooking mindfully with plants you've grown yourself. Everything you do can fuel your sense of inner awakening²³, and when it does, you'll be up and running.

4. Go!

Your passion—bolstered by strengths, fueled by motivation—is crystallizing into a plan. Now what?

1 whittle   

v.削（木头），削减；n.屠刀

参考例句：

• They are trying to whittle down our salaries.他们正着手削减我们的薪水。
• He began to whittle away all powers of the government that he did not control.他开始削弱他所未能控制的一切政府权力。

2 inventory   

n.详细目录，存货清单

参考例句：

• Some stores inventory their stock once a week.有些商店每周清点存货一次。
• We will need to call on our supplier to get more inventory.我们必须请供应商送来更多存货。

3 scenario   

n.剧本，脚本；概要

参考例句：

• But the birth scenario is not completely accurate.然而分娩脚本并非完全准确的。
• This is a totally different scenario.这是完全不同的剧本。

4 incentive   

n.刺激；动力；鼓励；诱因；动机

参考例句：

• Money is still a major incentive in most occupations.在许多职业中，钱仍是主要的鼓励因素。
• He hasn't much incentive to work hard.他没有努力工作的动机。

5 passionate   

adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的

参考例句：

• He is said to be the most passionate man.据说他是最有激情的人。
• He is very passionate about the project.他对那个项目非常热心。

6 innate   

adj.天生的，固有的，天赋的

参考例句：

• You obviously have an innate talent for music.你显然有天生的音乐才能。
• Correct ideas are not innate in the mind.人的正确思想不是自己头脑中固有的。

7 crave   

vt.渴望得到，迫切需要，恳求，请求

参考例句：

• Many young children crave attention.许多小孩子渴望得到关心。
• You may be craving for some fresh air.你可能很想呼吸呼吸新鲜空气。

8 incentives   

激励某人做某事的事物( incentive的名词复数 )； 刺激； 诱因； 动机

参考例句：

• tax incentives to encourage savings 鼓励储蓄的税收措施
• Furthermore, subsidies provide incentives only for investments in equipment. 更有甚者，提供津贴仅是为鼓励增添设备的投资。 来自英汉非文学 - 环境法 - 环境法

9 aligning   

n. (直线)对准 动词align的现在分词形式

参考例句：

• There are signs that the prime minister is aligning himself with the liberals. 有迹象表明首相正在与自由党人结盟。
• ToolTips provide textual hints that assist in drawing lines and aligning objects. 工具提示提供了协助画线和对象对齐的文本提示。 来自About Face 3交互设计精髓

10 meditation   

n.熟虑，（尤指宗教的）默想，沉思，（pl.）冥想录

参考例句：

• This peaceful garden lends itself to meditation.这个恬静的花园适于冥想。
• I'm sorry to interrupt your meditation.很抱歉，我打断了你的沉思。

11 accomplishment   

n.完成，成就，（pl.）造诣，技能

参考例句：

• The series of paintings is quite an accomplishment.这一系列的绘画真是了不起的成就。
• Money will be crucial to the accomplishment of our objectives.要实现我们的目标，钱是至关重要的。

12 aligned   

adj.对齐的，均衡的

参考例句：

• Make sure the shelf is aligned with the top of the cupboard.务必使搁架与橱柜顶端对齐。

13 tanker   

n.油轮

参考例句：

• The tanker took on 200,000 barrels of crude oil.油轮装载了二十万桶原油。
• Heavy seas had pounded the tanker into three parts.汹涌的巨浪把油轮撞成三载。

14 initiate   

vt.开始，创始，发动；启蒙，使入门；引入

参考例句：

• A language teacher should initiate pupils into the elements of grammar.语言老师应该把基本语法教给学生。
• They wanted to initiate a discussion on economics.他们想启动一次经济学讨论。

15 mentors   

n.（无经验之人的）有经验可信赖的顾问( mentor的名词复数 )v.（无经验之人的）有经验可信赖的顾问( mentor的第三人称单数 )

参考例句：

• Beacham and McNamara, my two mentors, had both warned me. 我的两位忠实朋友，比彻姆和麦克纳马拉都曾经警告过我。 来自辞典例句
• These are the kinds of contacts that could evolve into mentors. 这些人是可能会成为你导师。 来自互联网

16 yarn   

n.纱，纱线，纺线；奇闻漫谈，旅行轶事

参考例句：

• I stopped to have a yarn with him.我停下来跟他聊天。
• The basic structural unit of yarn is the fiber.纤维是纱的基本结构单元。

17 aficionados   

n.酷爱…者，…迷( aficionado的名词复数 )； 爱看斗牛的人

参考例句：

• West Coast aficionados of postwar coffee-shop architecture(Karal Ann Marling) 西海岸战后咖啡店式建筑的狂热追随者（卡拉尔安马林） 来自互联网
• Clay developed a radical style which appalled boxing aficionados. 克莱发展出一种震惊拳击迷的全新风格。 来自互联网

18 enlist   

vt.谋取(支持等)，赢得；征募；vi.入伍

参考例句：

• They come here to enlist men for the army.他们来这儿是为了召兵。
• The conference will make further efforts to enlist the support of the international community for their just struggle. 会议必将进一步动员国际社会，支持他们的正义斗争。

19 buddy   

n.（美口）密友，伙伴

参考例句：

• Calm down,buddy.What's the trouble?压压气，老兄。有什么麻烦吗？
• Get out of my way,buddy!别挡道了，你这家伙！

20 frustrate   

v.使失望；使沮丧；使厌烦

参考例句：

• But this didn't frustrate Einstein.He was content to go as far as he could.但这并没有使爱因斯坦灰心，他对能够更深入地研究而感到满意。
• They made their preparations to frustrate the conspiracy.他们作好准备挫败这个阴谋。

21 fulfill   

vt.履行，实现，完成；满足，使满意

参考例句：

• If you make a promise you should fulfill it.如果你许诺了，你就要履行你的诺言。
• This company should be able to fulfill our requirements.这家公司应该能够满足我们的要求。

22 plowing   

v.耕( plow的现在分词 )；犁耕；费力穿过

参考例句：

• "There are things more important now than plowing, Sugar. "如今有比耕种更重要的事情要做呀，宝贝儿。 来自飘（部分）
• Since his wife's death, he has been plowing a lonely furrow. 从他妻子死后，他一直过着孤独的生活。 来自辞典例句

23 awakening   

n.觉醒，醒悟 adj.觉醒中的；唤醒的

参考例句：

• the awakening of interest in the environment 对环境产生的兴趣
• People are gradually awakening to their rights. 人们正逐渐意识到自己的权利。