婚恋:80后剩女最怕听到的五句话

 　　1 ：好好争取

　　2 ：多化化妆

　　3 ：多出去接触人群

　　4 ：你太挑剔了

　　5 ：要求低一点

　　1) What’s Said: “Maybe you’re not trying hard enough.”

　　What’s Heard: “This can come off sounding like you’re passing judgment¹ on effort,” says Anderson. “It’s better to encourage a single person to explore new relationships to the extent they are comfortable and to extend themselves in ways that feel natural and not forced.”

　　说者：也许你没好好争取。

　　听者：你在贬低她的个人能力，你觉得她是个不上进的人。

　　2) What’s Said: “Wear more makeup².”

　　What’s Heard: More than implying that the search for Mr. Right is as easy as brushing a spot of color onto the cheeks, this comment offends further by actually attacking a person’s core identity.

　　“A woman presents herself according to what she defines as meaningful. Whether her style is glamorous³ belle⁴ or au naturelle, every woman should be allowed to be herself. There’s a man out there who is going to be attracted to her style, whatever it is. If she’s presenting herself as anyone other than who she really is, that’s false advertising⁵ and that’s going to backfire.”

　　说者：多化化妆

　　听者：找男朋友像涂口红一样简单，同时你也质疑了对方的外表。

　　3) What’s Said: “Get back out there!”

　　What’s Heard: This can send the signal that the single person is simply not doing enough speed or Internet or blind dating, or worse, that she isn’t living a full enough life.

　　“Singles are not by definition hiding out in their closets curled up in the fetal position all day,” says Anderson. “Most are likely working, meeting friends out for dinner and events, working out.”

　　说者：多出去接触人群

　　听者：我单身因为我不喜欢和人打交道，我不喜欢上网，我没有相亲，总而言之，我是个失败的人。

　　4) What’s Said: “You’re too picky”

　　What’s Heard: This implies that at some point, a point that the single friend or loved one has reached, she is no longer allowed to be discriminating⁶, says Anderson. “This sends single women the message that their time to be choosy is up, that it’s now time to go out and pick up any chump.”

　　说者：你太挑剔了

　　听者：我以前太挑剔，现在连挑剔的机会都没有了。

　　5) What’s Said: “Tone it down a notch⁷.”

　　What’s Heard: You ask too many questions. You’re too intimidating⁸. You’re overly opinionated. You’re too consumed with work.

　　“This is interpreted by single women to mean that they have to dial down their core identity a notch in order to attract potential suitors and make them feel comfortable,” says Anderson.

　　“Suggesting that a woman reduce the fullness of who she is to lure⁹ a mate will lead to an inauthentic connection, and is a recipe for a disastrous¹⁰ relationship or marriage. Because really, how long can any person fake it and maintain a facade¹¹?”

　　说者：要求低一点

　　听者：我问的问题太多了，我的要求太高了。我放下身段就可以吸引异性，让他们对我有好感。

1 judgment   

n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见

参考例句：

• The chairman flatters himself on his judgment of people.主席自认为他审视人比别人高明。
• He's a man of excellent judgment.他眼力过人。

2 makeup   

n.组织；性格；化装品

参考例句：

• Those who failed the exam take a makeup exam.这次考试不及格的人必须参加补考。
• Do you think her beauty could makeup for her stupidity?你认为她的美丽能弥补她的愚蠢吗？

3 glamorous   

adj.富有魅力的；美丽动人的；令人向往的

参考例句：

• The south coast is less glamorous but full of clean and attractive hotels.南海岸魅力稍逊，但却有很多干净漂亮的宾馆。
• It is hard work and not a glamorous job as portrayed by the media.这是份苦差，并非像媒体描绘的那般令人向往。

4 belle   

n.靓女

参考例句：

• She was the belle of her Sunday School class.在主日学校她是她们班的班花。
• She was the belle of the ball.她是那个舞会中的美女。

5 advertising   

n.广告业；广告活动 a.广告的；广告业务的

参考例句：

• Can you give me any advice on getting into advertising? 你能指点我如何涉足广告业吗?
• The advertising campaign is aimed primarily at young people. 这个广告宣传运动主要是针对年轻人的。

6 discriminating   

a.有辨别能力的

参考例句：

• Due caution should be exercised in discriminating between the two. 在区别这两者时应该相当谨慎。
• Many businesses are accused of discriminating against women. 许多企业被控有歧视妇女的做法。

7 notch   

n.(V字形)槽口，缺口，等级

参考例句：

• The peanuts they grow are top-notch.他们种的花生是拔尖的。
• He cut a notch in the stick with a sharp knife.他用利刃在棒上刻了一个凹痕。

8 intimidating   

vt.恐吓，威胁( intimidate的现在分词)

参考例句：

• They were accused of intimidating people into voting for them. 他们被控胁迫选民投他们的票。
• This kind of questioning can be very intimidating to children. 这种问话的方式可能让孩子们非常害怕。

9 lure   

n.吸引人的东西，诱惑物；vt.引诱，吸引

参考例句：

• Life in big cities is a lure for many country boys.大城市的生活吸引着许多乡下小伙子。
• He couldn't resist the lure of money.他不能抵制金钱的诱惑。

10 disastrous   

adj.灾难性的，造成灾害的；极坏的，很糟的

参考例句：

• The heavy rainstorm caused a disastrous flood.暴雨成灾。
• Her investment had disastrous consequences.She lost everything she owned.她的投资结果很惨，血本无归。

11 facade   

n.(建筑物的)正面，临街正面；外表

参考例句：

• The entrance facade consists of a large full height glass door.入口正面有一大型全高度玻璃门。
• If you look carefully,you can see through Bob's facade.如果你仔细观察，你就能看穿鲍勃的外表。