学会这4个爱情秘诀 让你永远处在热恋期

 Relationships are love and war. Until you get to the war part of it, it's hard to realize how much work is actually required to maintain your patience, affection and commitment. There are ways you can reinforce and strengthen your relationship so both of you can bounce back from difficult phases as painlessly as possible. Here are five tips:

感情关乎爱和战争。直到参与了这场“战争”，你才会意识到为了保持你的耐心、对另一半的爱慕以及兑现那些曾经许下的诺言，你需要付出多少。以下有5个方法，能够使你们的感情更加坚固，从而尽快脱离感情低潮。

1. Small gestures count big-time. Consistent 'little things' can add up to one resilient relationship. I'm a believer in Dr. Gottman's 5:1 ratio. The theory is: for every negative action, it takes five positive actions to restore stability in a relationship. Therefore, it's important to build up that positivity whenever you can. Frequent small gestures, such as"thinking of you" text messages, love notes and more are great ways to do this.

1. 小行动，大作用。那些“小小行为”不断地累计，就会使你的感情迅速恢复。我笃信戈特曼博士的五比一概率理论。理论的内容是：要恢复感情的稳定，五个积极的行动才能抵消一个消极的行动。因此，尽可能的保持你的积极性就显得很重要。经常性的小动作，比如那些“我想你了”之类的短信或者是爱的便条，亦或其他行为都可以起到相同的作用。

2. Talk, don't read. Ever have a hunch¹ that your significant other isn't telling you something? Because relationships (and people) go through phases. It's your time to let the other know that you're feeling left out, or disconnected. Most importantly, remember to open the conversation from a curious standpoint, not confrontational² or accusatory.

2. 说，不要读。 是不是总觉得你的另一半根本什么都不讲给你听呢？因为感情（或是人）会经历不同的阶段。是时候让你的另一半知道，你感觉自己被TA忽略了，没有感觉到彼此的关联。更重要的是，记住要以好奇的角度而不是以一种对抗和指责的氛围开启谈话。

3. Listen, don't talk. It's easy to get caught up in multi-tasking. All of these things can prevent couples from hearing each other completely and communicating well. Always listen to what your loved one is telling you. Four tips for listening better are: focus on your partner, don't interrupt, pay attention to their body language and validate³ what they said- before you respond.

3. 听，不要说。人们很容易被很多事务缠身。这些事情使得夫妻俩不能互相倾听，也不能够很好地沟通和交流。要经常听听你的挚爱对你的倾诉。最好的4个倾听方式是：注意力集中到你爱人的身上、不要打断、注意他们的肢体语言以及在你回应之前要确认他们说的是什么。

4. Put up a good fight. Love is wonderful, but it can also be emotionally exhausting. The popular saying 'Don't go to bed angry' can put pressure on a couple to resolve something that doesn't always have a quick solution. By following that rule, you may be at the giving or receiving end of lip service. Take time to authenticaly resolve a problem. It could take hours or days, and several heated conversations, but do not give up when your relationship is worth fighting for.

4. 为爱而战。爱情是很美妙的，但是爱情也很耗精力。那句很流行的说法“不要带着怨气去睡觉”，给了夫妻俩压力，得去解决那些无法快速解决的问题。这样，你们或许最终通过口头上说些好听话而平息了争吵。真正花时间去解决问题吧。或许是几个小时、几天的时间也或许要几经激烈的争论，但只要是感情值得抗争，那就别轻言放弃。

1 hunch   

n.预感，直觉

参考例句：

• I have a hunch that he didn't really want to go.我有这么一种感觉，他并不真正想去。
• I had a hunch that Susan and I would work well together.我有预感和苏珊共事会很融洽。

2 confrontational   

adj.挑衅的；对抗的

参考例句：

• Fans love rappers partly because they strike such a confrontational pose. 乐迷热爱这些饶舌艺人一定程度上是因为他们所采取的那种战斗姿态。 来自互联网
• You prefer a non confrontational approach when it comes to resolving disputes. 面对争端，你不喜欢采用对抗性的手段来解决。 来自互联网

3 validate   

vt.（法律）使有效，使生效

参考例句：

• You need an official signature to validate the order.你要有正式的签字，这张汇票才能生效。
• In order to validate the agreement,both parties sign it.为使协议有效，双方在上面签了字。