记住这些秘密，拥有幸福婚姻

 　　一桩美满的婚姻并不仅仅意味着两人间的资源共享，它还会给予你更多的感情支持并赋予你迈向成功的勇气。以下是我在婚姻生活中会定期做的12件事。只要你合理地最大化地运用它们，就可以收获一桩美满的婚姻。

　　From my perspective, once you enter into the realm of marriage, building and maintaining a successful marriage is actually a big part of personal and financial success. A solid marriage not only results in people sharing resources together, but a marriage also provides a lot of emotional support, cheerleading, and encouragement to succeed.

　　What follows are twelve little things I do quite regularly in my marriage. Please, use as many of these as seem reasonable.

　　I tell my wife I love her every single day. I usually do it in the morning before she leaves the bedroom, and on weekdays I'll also tell her when I see her in the evening for the first time. I usually couple it with a kiss. It's so simple, but it's a constant reminder¹ of the fact that I do love her, no matter what.

　　I ask about her day, listen, and ask follow up questions. I do this not only so I can keep tabs on her professional life, but also to give her a great chance to vent² about her situation. Everyone needs to talk about themselves sometimes to someone who is interested - I try to provide that for her as often as I can.

　　I try to surprise her on a regular basis. I'll spend an hour preparing a really excellent supper when she doesn't expect it. I'll spontaneously³ give the kids a bath when she's comfortable on the couch⁴ under a blanket, even if it's her turn. Doing these little unexpected things not only shows her I care, but also often compels her to do similar things for me.

　　I hold her hand. I do this all the time, whenever it crosses my mind and seems appropriate. I'll just hold her hand gently while we're talking or we're riding in the car or we're waiting for an appointment or we're sitting on the couch in the evenings.

　　I talk about EVERYTHING with her and let her determine what's interesting. If something is concerning me, I don't hide it from her. I tell her about it. Most of the time she's interested and we'll discuss it - sometimes she's not and I let it drop (this is key - if she's not into the topic, I don't push it). Either way, though, she gets the message that I'm making an effort to share and be open.

　　I work on building a positive relationship with her family. Whenever I visit or see anyone in her family, I make a special effort to try to establish or build upon a strong relationship with them. This accomplishes several things: it makes her more at ease in a family situation, it helps me to build stronger ties with people that are important to her, and it helps me to understand the influences that were around her as she grew up.

　　I send her messages during the day.

　　About once a week, during a time where my wife is really present in my thoughts, I send her a little simple note by email. All it says is something along the lines of "I was thinking about you just now. I can't wait until I see you this evening." It's just a very simple way of letting her know she's on my mind and in my heart.

　　I put careful thought into gifts I give her. Sure, it's easy to just run out and get a generic⁵ gift to cover yourself during an anniversary or a birthday. However, a gift with some real thought behind it means substantially more than an obviously off-the-cuff gift.

　　I encourage her to follow her passions and interests, even if they don't inspire or interest me. If my wife chooses to spend significant time on a project, it's obviously something that's important to her. That doesn't imply at all that it has to be important to me. If she's involved in her own project, I give her positive encouragement and then work on my own interests instead of saying things like "that seems like a waste of time."If she needs me, I willingly contribute to those passions. If something genuinely excites her and she wants me to experience it, I willingly involve myself in whatever it may be: a particular type of art, a craft project, a yard project, whatever. Even if I don't enjoy it, I do have the opportunity to learn more about my wife and what she's passionate⁶ about, which means that my understanding of her grows.

　　I look for opportunities to build mutual⁷ friendships. The idea that there is a group of people that are "my" friends and another group that is "her" friends can be a big dividing factor between us. Instead, I often focus on building friendships and relationships that we share with others so that something of a community of friendship and love grows up around us.

　　I hold her every night, even if it's just for a moment. I might be completely exhausted⁸ when I go to bed in the evening, but I take a moment to move close to her, put my arm around her, and hold her close, even if it's just for a minute or so. That moment of physical contact to end the day is a simple sign of love.

1 reminder   

n.提醒物，纪念品；暗示，提示

参考例句：

• I have had another reminder from the library.我又收到图书馆的催还单。
• It always took a final reminder to get her to pay her share of the rent.总是得发给她一份最后催缴通知，她才付应该交的房租。

2 vent   

n.通风口，排放口；开衩；vt.表达，发泄

参考例句：

• He gave vent to his anger by swearing loudly.他高声咒骂以发泄他的愤怒。
• When the vent became plugged,the engine would stop.当通风口被堵塞时，发动机就会停转。

3 spontaneously   

ad.自发地

参考例句：

• We decided spontaneously to board a train for Geneva. 我们自行决定搭乘去日内瓦的火车。
• Opportunities for learning occur spontaneously every day. 学习的机会每天都会自然而然地出现。

4 couch   

n.睡椅，长沙发椅；vt.表达，隐含

参考例句：

• Lie down on the couch if you're feeling ill.如果你感觉不舒服就躺到沙发上去。
• The rabbIt'sprang from its grassy couch.兔子从草丛中跳出。

5 generic   

adj.一般的，普通的，共有的

参考例句：

• I usually buy generic clothes instead of name brands.我通常买普通的衣服，不买名牌。
• The generic woman appears to have an extraordinary faculty for swallowing the individual.一般妇女在婚后似乎有特别突出的抑制个性的能力。

6 passionate   

adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的

参考例句：

• He is said to be the most passionate man.据说他是最有激情的人。
• He is very passionate about the project.他对那个项目非常热心。

7 mutual   

adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的

参考例句：

• We must pull together for mutual interest.我们必须为相互的利益而通力合作。
• Mutual interests tied us together.相互的利害关系把我们联系在一起。

8 exhausted   

adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的

参考例句：

• It was a long haul home and we arrived exhausted.搬运回家的这段路程特别长，到家时我们已筋疲力尽。
• Jenny was exhausted by the hustle of city life.珍妮被城市生活的忙乱弄得筋疲力尽。