每个人都需要有的7个失败

 　　Nobody likes to crash and burn. Some meltdowns, however, wise us up to new possibilities. Columnist¹ Leigh Newman reveals the most illuminating².

　　1. The "Everything's Fine" Failure

　　Let's say you lose the job you've had for the past 20 years. In fact, let's say it wasn't even due to layoffs³ or the recession. It was your fault. You got overwhelmed, forgot about the quarterly numbers report and got canned. Of course, you don't want to tell your family or friends about it. It's embarrassing. So you sit at home cringing⁴, only perking⁵ up when people call to see how you are. "Everything's fine!" you say. You may even repeat this line to yourself—until the credit card and mortgage payments are due. All of sudden, your original failure is not so tough to deal with when compared with the new slide-for-life failure you're now facing. Figuring your way out of this kind of compounded mess is rough, but at one point or another, however, we all have to go through it—otherwise, how we would we ever learn to utter that most revealing and intimate word? I'm talking about the one that binds⁶ us to other people via trust, need and honesty, the one also known in the dictionary as "help."

　　2. The Photo of Nicolas Cage Failure

　　Everyone who's ever had a computer has had a Nicolas Cage Failure. Your version may have gone like this: You forwarded the gossipy email to the exact friend who should have never, ever read it. Or: You sent out a group invite to a fundraiser without using a bcc, thus making 300 people's most private address public. Or: You were this woman, who sent that photo of Nicolas Cage to a potential boss instead of her résumé. Whoops⁷! Thankfully, this is the kind of mishap⁸ that only needs to happen once, because after that first awful flub, you will learn to revere⁹ the send button. By revere, I mean, you will consider the awesome¹¹ power of that electronic tool before placing your cursor on top of it and hurtling your message into the world.

　　3. The Jumpsuit Failure

　　You got the date! With the sexy, funny guy five years younger! But the two of you made a lunch date, and you're not sure what to wear. You're worried, maybe, that if you dress the way you normally dress—sheath, hose, heels—you'll look too frumpy, too straitlaced. So you stop by a store thumping¹² with music loud and forceful enough to dislodge your contact lens and ask the 15-year-old clerk for something cool and casual. She has just the thing!!!

　　Which is how you end up walking into the restaurant in an electric-pink jumpsuit with a thick gold zipper¹³ that goes from neck to belly¹⁴ button. Does this sound like it really happened? That's because it did, to a wonderful woman whose name will remain unmentioned. Sadly, the pain of watching the sexy, funny guy blink in horror, then put on his sunglasses so as not to be blinded by the fluorescent¹⁵ power of the jumpsuit (which had looked so hip¹⁶ and mod inside the store but, outside, so like a wearable traffic cone) can never be undone¹⁷. But the takeaway also remains¹⁸: Dressing¹⁹ has nothing to do with some mythic notion of your being hip or in the know. It has to do with you. Next time, you will throw on that classy, comfortable sheath and stride into the room and look the way you are—sexy, funny and a just a little bit wiser.

　　4. The Drumroll Failure

　　Do you remember all those years ago when Geraldo Rivera opened Al Capone's vault²⁰ and found nothing there? Most of us don't put our life-defining moments on TV. But we may announce to everyone we know that we're up for a big promotion²¹ or that we're applying to grad school. We usually do this because we're nervous; telling people makes us feel like we're doing something about the situation, even if it's only talking. This technique can be helpful. All those listeners can calm us down. But it also means that all those listeners are going to check in with us, because we've set up an emotional drumroll that is rat-a-tat-tat-ing toward the grand finale, in which we go bust²².

　　How much savvier, and safer, we feel when this same kind of situation comes to pass a few months or years later, when we know to discuss our concerns with just the few key people who can help us with something tangible²³, like advice or a support—influencing the outcome of our situation and not just our feelings about it.

　　5. The "It's All His Fault" Failure

　　The fiasco here comes in when—crappity crap—it turns out it's all your fault. Let's skip over the larger ethical²⁴ point, which is that finger-pointing is beneath you. Finger-pointing is also dangerous. Thankfully, the one time you do it and it boomerangs back in your face inevitably²⁵ wakes you up to the fact that you never, ever have to assign blame. You can ask the whole room, "What went wrong here?" The truth will come out—usually in a way that results in a solution to the problem.

　　6. The Bad Love Math Failure

　　When you're very, very close to people, you tend to feel what they feel. For example, if somebody makes a joke about your husband's big nose—which is big, but in a distinguished²⁶ way that was handed down from his grandfather—you may want to also punch that person in their cute snub schnoz. But where your empathy can occasionally go wrong is when your husband's business fails or your teenager goes into rehab or your mom admits she's a shoplifter. All of a sudden, some confused calculations take over your brain, like: the failure of someone you love = the failure of you or your family or your life.

　　Doing this once—taking a deep dive into panic and depression—leaves you with an understanding that can change the course of your life: You did not steal a dress from Saks or take heroin²⁷. You're fine. And you need to keep on being fine in order to help those people you love get back to being fine with you.

　　7. The Freedom Failure

　　So you opened a hotdog stand on the beach the very day the tsunami²⁸ struck, and you lost all your savings²⁹. So you married the love of your life, and he turned out to be a con¹⁰ man in charge of a pyramid scheme, and even the cops said there was no way you could have ever known. Sometimes in life we get knocked down by things we have no control over. This is awful...for a good long while.

　　But experiences like those do wise us up to the control we actually have, as opposed to the control we want. There are things we can plan for. But when it comes to weather, sickness, other people and even the arrival of the ice cream truck on a really hot day, we get no say. Though this lack of power can bedevil us, it can also free us, by allowing us to realize that some failures—just like successes—are flukes. These screwups aren't a reflection of us or our actions. And the more we understand this principle, the more quickly we tend to shelve those disappointing experiences and move on to ones that uplift us, ones that are all about who we are and who we want to be.

1 columnist   

n.专栏作家

参考例句：

• The host was interviewing a local columnist.节目主持人正在同一位当地的专栏作家交谈。
• She's a columnist for USA Today.她是《今日美国报》的专栏作家。

2 illuminating   

a.富于启发性的，有助阐明的

参考例句：

• We didn't find the examples he used particularly illuminating. 我们觉得他采用的那些例证启发性不是特别大。
• I found his talk most illuminating. 我觉得他的话很有启发性。

3 layoffs   

临时解雇( layoff的名词复数 )； 停工，停止活动

参考例句：

• Textile companies announced 2000 fresh layoffs last week. 各纺织公司上周宣布再次裁员两千人。
• Stock prices broke when the firm suddenly announced layoffs. 当公司突然宣布裁员时，股票价格便大跌

4 cringing   

adj.谄媚，奉承

参考例句：

• He had a cringing manner but a very harsh voice.他有卑屈谄媚的神情，但是声音却十分粗沙。
• She stepped towards him with a movement that was horribly cringing.她冲他走了一步，做出一个低三下四，令人作呕的动作。

5 perking   

（使）活跃( perk的现在分词 )； （使）增值； 使更有趣

参考例句：

• The weather seems to be perking up. 天气似乎要变好。
• She is perking herself at mirror. 她正对镜化妆。

6 binds   

v.约束( bind的第三人称单数 )；装订；捆绑；（用长布条）缠绕

参考例句：

• Frost binds the soil. 霜使土壤凝结。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Stones and cement binds strongly. 石头和水泥凝固得很牢。 来自《简明英汉词典》

7 whoops   

int.呼喊声

参考例句：

• Whoops! Careful, you almost spilt coffee everywhere. 哎哟！小心点，你差点把咖啡洒得到处都是。
• We were awakened by the whoops of the sick baby. 生病婴儿的喘息声把我们弄醒了。

8 mishap   

n.不幸的事，不幸；灾祸

参考例句：

• I'm afraid your son had a slight mishap in the playground.不好了，你儿子在操场上出了点小意外。
• We reached home without mishap.我们平安地回到了家。

9 revere   

vt.尊崇，崇敬，敬畏

参考例句：

• Students revere the old professors.学生们十分尊敬那些老教授。
• The Chinese revered corn as a gift from heaven.中国人将谷物奉为上天的恩赐。

10 con   

n.反对的观点，反对者，反对票，肺病；vt.精读，学习，默记；adv.反对地，从反面；adj.欺诈的

参考例句：

• We must be fair and consider the reason pro and con.我们必须公平考虑赞成和反对的理由。
• The motion is adopted non con.因无人投反对票，协议被通过。

11 awesome   

adj.令人惊叹的，难得吓人的，很好的

参考例句：

• The church in Ireland has always exercised an awesome power.爱尔兰的教堂一直掌握着令人敬畏的权力。
• That new white convertible is totally awesome.那辆新的白色折篷汽车简直棒极了.

12 thumping   

adj.重大的，巨大的；重击的；尺码大的；极好的adv.极端地；非常地v.重击(thump的现在分词)；狠打；怦怦地跳；全力支持

参考例句：

• Her heart was thumping with emotion. 她激动得心怦怦直跳。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• He was thumping the keys of the piano. 他用力弹钢琴。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

13 zipper   

n.拉链；v.拉上拉链

参考例句：

• The zipper is red.这条拉链是红色的。
• The zipper is a wonderful invention.拉链是个了不起的发明。

14 belly   

n.肚子，腹部；(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分，膛

参考例句：

• The boss has a large belly.老板大腹便便。
• His eyes are bigger than his belly.他眼馋肚饱。

15 fluorescent   

adj.荧光的，发出荧光的

参考例句：

• They observed the deflections of the particles by allowing them to fall on a fluorescent screen.他们让粒子落在荧光屏上以观察他们的偏移。
• This fluorescent lighting certainly gives the food a peculiar color.这萤光灯当然增添了食物特别的色彩。

16 hip   

n.臀部，髋；屋脊

参考例句：

• The thigh bone is connected to the hip bone.股骨连着髋骨。
• The new coats blouse gracefully above the hip line.新外套在臀围线上优美地打着褶皱。

17 undone   

a.未做完的，未完成的

参考例句：

• He left nothing undone that needed attention.所有需要注意的事他都注意到了。

18 remains   

n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹

参考例句：

• He ate the remains of food hungrily.他狼吞虎咽地吃剩余的食物。
• The remains of the meal were fed to the dog.残羹剩饭喂狗了。

19 dressing   

n.(食物)调料；包扎伤口的用品，敷料

参考例句：

• Don't spend such a lot of time in dressing yourself.别花那么多时间来打扮自己。
• The children enjoy dressing up in mother's old clothes.孩子们喜欢穿上妈妈旧时的衣服玩。

20 vault   

n.拱形圆顶，地窖，地下室

参考例句：

• The vault of this cathedral is very high.这座天主教堂的拱顶非常高。
• The old patrician was buried in the family vault.这位老贵族埋在家族的墓地里。

21 promotion   

n.提升，晋级；促销，宣传

参考例句：

• The teacher conferred with the principal about Dick's promotion.教师与校长商谈了迪克的升级问题。
• The clerk was given a promotion and an increase in salary.那个职员升了级，加了薪。

22 bust   

vt.打破；vi.爆裂；n.半身像；胸部

参考例句：

• I dropped my camera on the pavement and bust it. 我把照相机掉在人行道上摔坏了。
• She has worked up a lump of clay into a bust.她把一块黏土精心制作成一个半身像。

23 tangible   

adj.有形的，可触摸的，确凿的，实际的

参考例句：

• The policy has not yet brought any tangible benefits.这项政策还没有带来任何实质性的好处。
• There is no tangible proof.没有确凿的证据。

24 ethical   

adj.伦理的，道德的，合乎道德的

参考例句：

• It is necessary to get the youth to have a high ethical concept.必须使青年具有高度的道德观念。
• It was a debate which aroused fervent ethical arguments.那是一场引发强烈的伦理道德争论的辩论。

25 inevitably   

adv.不可避免地；必然发生地

参考例句：

• In the way you go on,you are inevitably coming apart.照你们这样下去，毫无疑问是会散伙的。
• Technological changes will inevitably lead to unemployment.技术变革必然会导致失业。

26 distinguished   

adj.卓越的，杰出的，著名的

参考例句：

• Elephants are distinguished from other animals by their long noses.大象以其长长的鼻子显示出与其他动物的不同。
• A banquet was given in honor of the distinguished guests.宴会是为了向贵宾们致敬而举行的。

27 heroin   

n.海洛因

参考例句：

• Customs have made their biggest ever seizure of heroin.海关查获了有史以来最大的一批海洛因。
• Heroin has been smuggled out by sea.海洛因已从海上偷运出境。

28 tsunami   

n.海啸

参考例句：

• Powerful quake sparks tsunami warning in Japan.大地震触发了日本的海啸预警。
• Coastlines all around the Indian Ocean inundated by a huge tsunami.大海啸把印度洋沿岸地区都淹没了。

29 savings   

n.存款，储蓄

参考例句：

• I can't afford the vacation,for it would eat up my savings.我度不起假，那样会把我的积蓄用光的。
• By this time he had used up all his savings.到这时，他的存款已全部用完。