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The other forgiveness

To forgive may be divine, but no one ever said I was easy. When someone has deeply hurt you, it can be surprisingly beneficial to your grudge. But forgiveness is possible, and it can be surprisingly beneficial to your physical and mental health.

“People who forgive show less depression, anger and stress and more hopefulness,” says Frederic, Ph. D., author of Forgive for Good, “So it can help save on the wear and tear on our organs, reduce the wearing out of the immune system and allow people to feel more vital.”

So how do you start the healing? Try the following steps:

Calm yourself To defuse your anger, try a simple stress-management technique. “Take a couple of breaths and think of something that gives you pleasure: a beautiful scene in nature, or someone you love.” Frederic says.

Don’t wait for an apology “Many times the person who hurt you has no intention of apologizing,” Frederic says, “they may have wanted to hurt you or they just don’t see things the same way. So if you wait for people to apologize, you could be waiting an awfully long time.” Keep in mind that forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person who upset you or condoning of his or her action.

Take the control away from your offender Mentally replaying your hurt gives power to the person who caused you pain. “Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you,” Frederic says.

Try to see things from the other person’s perspective If you empathize with that person, you may realize that he or she was acting out of ignorance, fear, even love. To gain perspective, you may want to write a letter to yourself from your offender’s point of view.

Recognize the benefits of forgiveness Research has shown that people who forgive report more energy, better appetite and better sleep patterns.

Don’t forget to forgive yourself “For some people, forgiving themselves is the biggest challenge,” Frederic says, “but it can rob you of your self-confidence if you don’t do it.”

宽恕

宽恕或许是神圣的，但是，没有人认为宽恕是件容易的事。有人深深伤害你时，你很难做到不记恨心头。然而，如果心存宽恕，这点就不难做到，它会为你的身心健康带来意想不到的益处。

《宽恕的好处》一书的作者弗雷德里克博士说：“怀有宽仁之心的人很少会有沮丧、愤怒和压抑，他们更易满怀希望。由此看来，宽恕可以减少我们的疲惫和悲伤，减轻免疫系统的疲劳，使人们更有活力。”

那么，如何调整自己呢？试试下面的方法吧：

使自己冷静下来 试着以一种简单的压力管理方法来浇灭你得愤怒，听听弗雷德里克的建议吧——“做几次深呼吸，想一想能给你带来快乐的事物：自然界的美丽景色，或者是你深爱的人。“

不要期盼道歉 弗雷德里克说：“很多时候，伤害你的人是不会向你道歉的。他们可能是有意伤害你，或者，看待问题的角度与你截然相反。倘若你期盼他们的道歉，你会等待很长时间。”要记住，宽恕并不一定是与伤害你的人和好如初或原谅他（她）的行为。

将注意力从伤害你的人身上移开 总是想着自己的伤痛只会让自己更加痛苦。弗雷德里克说：“你不应该关注自己受伤的情绪，而应学会去寻找周围的爱、善、美。”

试着从别人的角度来考虑问题 如果你站在他（她）的角度，就会明白，他（她）那么做是出于无知、害怕，甚至是爱。换个角度，你可能从伤害你的人的角度出发，给自己写一封信。

认识宽恕的好处 研究表明，怀有宽恕之心的人精力充沛，胃口和睡眠更好。

不要忘记宽恕自己 弗雷德里克说：“对有些人来说，宽恕自己是最大的挑战。如果不宽恕自己，自信心便会受到打击。”