A Dead Hamster
[00:27.09]John owned a German shepherd.
[00:32.05]The people next door owned a hamster they kept in a cage.
[00:37.69]John came home one day,
[00:41.17]and his dog was running around the yard with that hamster in his mouth.
[00:47.52]The hamster had mud on it;it was dead.
[00:53.29]Instead of telling the people what happened,John panicked.
[00:59.25]He took the hamster away from the dog,took it into the house,
[01:05.18]washed it off with soap and water,and dried it with a hair dryer.
[01:12.12]He waited until it got dark,
[01:16.67]sneaked the hamster back over next door,
[01:21.71]put it in the cage as if it had a heart attack.
[01:26.75]A few days later he was out in his yard and saw the lady from next door.
[01:33.73]She came over to the fence and said,
[01:37.67]"I guess you heard what happened."
[01:41.33]He said,"No,what?"
[01:45.69]"You have a great dog there."She said.
[01:50.24]"Yeah,"but he did not know exactly what she was saying.
[01:57.08]She continued,"Stubby died.
[02:02.04]And after we buried him,Johnny saw your dog have him in his mouth the other day.
[02:09.18]He must've dug him back up.
[02:13.04]Then what happened was he must've washed him clean in the creek,
[02:19.49]licked him dry,and put him back in his cage again."
[02:24.85]Three Guys on the Road
[02:53.61]Mark drives down a highway to visit a nearby lake and relax.
[03:00.27]On the way one guy dressed from head to toe in red
[03:06.75]standing on the side of the highway gestures him to stop.
[03:12.50]Mark rolls down the window."How can I help you?"
[03:17.93]"Hi,there.You got something to eat?"
[03:22.89]With a smile in his face
[03:26.55]Mark hands one of his sandwiches to the red dressed guy and drives away.
[03:33.21]Not even five minutes later he comes across another guy.
[03:39.06]This time the guy is dressed full in yellow,
[03:44.13]standing on the side and waving him to stop.
[03:48.99]A bit irritated,Mark stops and cranks down the window.
[03:54.84]"What can I do for you?"
[03:58.39]"Hello.You've got something to drink?'
[04:02.65]Hardly managing to smile this time,
[04:07.01]Mark hands to the guy a can of coke
[04:11.25]and then stomps on the pedal and takes off again.
[04:16.21]In order to make it to the ladeside before sunset,
[04:21.46]he decides to go faster and not to stop no matter what.
[04:27.94]To his frustration he sees another guy on the roadside,
[04:33.68]dressed all in blue,making a hand signal to stop him.
[04:39.33]Not quite willing,Mark decides to stop a last time,
[04:45.49]rolls down the window,and yells to the guy,
[04:50.46]"God damn it.What the hell do you want?"
[04:55.52]"Driver's license and registration,please."
[04:59.78]A Hard-nosed Boss
[05:27.94]Mr.Smith was known far and wide as a hard-nosed boss
[05:34.71]who watched his employees like a hawk.
[05:39.25]He was making one of his regular tours of the factory
[05:44.92]when he spotted a young man leaning against a pile of boxes
[05:50.77]just outside the foreman's office.
[05:55.34]Since Frank,the foreman,wasn't around,
[06:00.20]Smith stood off to the side
[06:04.15]and watched to see just how long the young man would stand around doing nothing.
[06:10.91]The young man yawned,scratched his head,looked at his watch,and sat on the floor.
[06:18.85]He took out a nail file and began cleaning his nails.
[06:24.50]Then he stretched,yawned again,and leaned back on the pile of boxes.
[06:32.25]Smith stepped from his hiding place,red with anger,
[06:38.50]and walked up to the young man.
[06:42.16]"You!"he boomed."How much do you make a week?"
[06:48.03]The young man looked up indifferently.
[06:52.29]"Two hundred and fifty dollars,"he said.
[06:57.33]Smith marched into the cashier's office,
[07:03.11]took $250 from the cash box,and returned.
[07:09.35]"Take it,"he said,"and get out!Don't let me see you around here again!"
[07:17.21]The young man took the cash,put it in his pocket,
[07:23.27]walked to the parking lot,got onto a delivery truch,and drove away.
[07:30.93]He had been there waiting for the sixty dollars the factory owed him
[07:37.27]for the spring water he had delivered.
[07:41.32]The Bet
[08:07.29]The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around
[08:14.73]that they offered a standing $1,000 bet for anyone who could squeeze
[08:22.18]just one more drop of juice from a lemon,
[08:26.93]after the bartender had finished squeezing it into a glass.
[08:32.29]Many people had tried over time(like weight-lifters,longshoremen,etc)
[08:39.84]but to date none was able to win the bet.
[08:44.88]One day a little man came into the bar,
[08:50.44]wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit,
[08:55.48]and said in a tiny squesky voice"
[08:59.95]"I'd like to try the bet!"
[09:03.40]After the laughter had died down,the bartender said,"OK".
[09:09.96]The bartender grabbed a lemon and squeezed it
[09:15.00]until only the wrinkled remains of the lemon were left in his hand,
[09:21.35]and he handed this to the little man.
[09:25.92]As the crowd stood and watched,laughter turning to silence,
[09:32.58]the little man clenched his fist around the lemon,and to everyone's amazement,
[09:39.11]three drops fell into the glass.
[09:43.55]As the crowd cheered,the bartender paid the $1,000,
[09:49.79]and asked the little man"what do you do for a living?"
[09:55.67]"Are you a lumberjack,a weight-lifter,or what?"
[10:01.23]The man replied"I work for teh IRS." |