人人都应该拥有的六种朋友（在线收听）

 The six types of friends everyone should have

Alison Stephenson

JUST like a band or gang of superheroes needs members who have different talents and powers, a circle of friends should have exactly the same thing.

"It's important to have diversity and to be able to look for support from a variety of sources," says clinical and coaching psychologist and founder of the The Positivity Institute, Dr. Suzy Green. "They also help us to keep broader perspective on life."

Domonique Bertolucci, life coach and author of The Happiness Code, agrees.

"You need different types of friends in the same way that you need food from different food groups. Different types of friends serve different purposes and nourish and enrich our lives in different ways."

While many of us are lucky to count our real friends on one hand, there are certain types of people it’s good to have around. So, how many do you know?

THE FRIEND WHO'S COOLER THAN YOU

The world changes quickly and some people are just that little bit better at keeping up with what's hip than we are. Like those friends who know that NO ONE EVER says "hip" any more, for instance. We like to be around these people, because they're a beacon of cool. Cool things just flock to them. These are the people who help you to open your eyes, have a flow-on effect for introducing you to other cool people and help to unstick yourself from the rut that's all too easy to get bogged in. "These people enrich your life by exposing you to things that may have otherwise have passed you by," says Bertolucci.

THE FRIEND WHO IS UP FOR ANYTHING

People are busy, we get it. But there's nothing more frustrating than having to reschedule your re-re-re-scheduled catch-up. Everyone needs a friend who you can call at the drop of a hat. A friend who says "hell yeah, I'm up for that". That's why it's good to have a mate who you don't need to issue a 28-day notice to just to meet for a frappuccino. It's refreshing (the friend, that is, not necessarily the frappuccino.) "This friend is the flexible, no frills friend who makes your life a breeze. Nothing is ever too hard and they're open to doing new things and changing plans at short notice,” says Dr. Green. While Bertolucci agrees, "Their enthusiasm is contagious and you always have more fun when they are around."

THE FRIEND WHO YOU ASPIRE TO BE

Oprah Winfrey once said: "Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher". And we all need to live life a little bit closer to Oprah. These people challenge you to be the best version of yourself. The only downside is that sometimes they can be infuriating and inspiring in equal measure. Dr. Green's advice: "This friend is only an important role model if they behave in ways that are authentic and genuine. They will see the best in you and give you important feedback on both your strengths and weaknesses."

THE FRIEND WHO DOESNT KNOW ANY OF YOUR OTHER FRIENDS

We like integration. We like killing two birds with one stone by catching up with several groups of friends at once. But there are times when you need to make an S.O.S call to a friend who is completely uninvolved and removed from a situation who can offer objective advice so it a bonus that your friendship exists without orbiting around your other ones. "There is a level of privacy to this friendship that doesn't exist in friendship circles,” says Bertolucci. “It will be easier to share some of your hopes and dreams, fears and concerns knowing that they are not going to be discussed when you're not around.”

THE FRIEND WHO'S PAINFULLY HONEST

An honest friend will not always tell you what you want to hear, but they'll certainly tell you what you need to know like if he/she is really that into you. When you've got a crisis on your hands or need to make a quick decision they are your go-to. They're also there to keep you away from mixing paisleys and stripes. This type of friend has the strength of "feedback" and "is a pearl who will tell it to you straight when others won't or will sugarcoat things at the very least," says Dr. Green. But she warns that this friend is someone who does it with good intentions and for your own benefit.

THE FRIEND YOU’VE KNOWN LONGER THAN YOU’VE KNOWN YOURSELF

 History. Sometimes it works to your advantage, other times it doesn't. This is that friend who sees you out of the context of your job, your relationship, your other friends and your life as it is now. This is the friend who knew you when you had pimples and a bowl cut. There is something special about this person because they feel like home. It's nice and comforting to be around someone who has known you forever. "This is a friend you never have to put on a brave face for,” says Bertolucci. “They know you better than you know yourself and accept you unconditionally.”

人人都应该拥有的六种朋友

正如乐队或者是超级英雄小团伙需要不同才华和能力的团员一样，朋友圈也需要这些。

“有不同种类的朋友很重要，它能让你从不同的渠道获得帮助。”临床指导心理医生、The Positivity Institute的创始人苏士 格林（Dr. Suzy Green）博士说到：“他们还能帮助我们拓宽对生命的看法。”

生活导师以及《幸福密码》的作者多.贝托鲁奇（Domonique Bertolucci）十分同意这一观点。

“你需要不同种类的朋友，正如你需要不同种类的食物。不同的朋友有不同的功能，他们通过不同的方法滋养、丰富着我们的生活。”

很多人很幸运有几个数的来的知心朋友，但是跟某些人做朋友也不错。那么，你了解多少呢？

比你酷的朋友

世界瞬息万变，有些人就是比我们擅长紧跟这些改变，例如，那些知道没有人会再说'潮流”这个词的人。我们喜欢和他们打交道，因为他们指引着酷的时尚。他们身上到处是时尚的气息。这些人帮你开拓眼界，把你介绍给别的潮人，帮你从极易陷入的常规中解救出来。“这些人让你看到了你以前不会留心的事情，丰富了你的生活。”贝托鲁奇说到。

“时刻准备着”的朋友

我们都知道人们很忙。世界上最令人沮丧的事情莫非是你得一直一直一直一直调整自己的进度表。大家都需要一通电话就随时能现身的朋友，一个说“恩，我马上过来”的朋友。这就是有一个你无须提前28天预约只为喝杯咖啡的好朋友的好处了。这能让人放松（跟这类朋友不是只能喝咖啡）。“他们很随和，不做作，让你的生活过得轻松。任何事情都难不倒他们，他们乐于挑战新事物，一接到通知，他们就会改变原有计划。”格林博士说到。贝托鲁奇也同意这种说法：“他们的热情会感染你，在他们身边，你总是觉着有乐趣。”

你想成为他那样的人的朋友

欧普拉.温弗瑞曾说：“在你身边的人应该是能提升你的人。”我们都需要过着欧普拉说到的那种生活。这些人让你成为最好的自己。唯一的缺陷就是有时他们令人气恼，有时又给人力量。格林博士的意见：“如果他们表现出诚实可靠的一面，那么他们才是一个重要的榜样。他们能看到你身上最好的一面，同时对于你的长处及缺陷都能给出重要的反馈。”

不认识你其他友人的朋友

我们都喜欢整合。我们喜欢同时拥有多个朋友圈子以达到一石二鸟的目的。但是，有时你需要给一个身处事外的朋友打一通求救电话，征得他客观的意见，你们的友谊可以长存而不必围绕别的友谊存在，这是一个好处。“这种友情之间有种隐私，不存在于朋友圈里，”贝托鲁奇说到：“你不在场的时候他们不会讨论你，这使人们更乐于分享自己的愿景、梦想、担忧和顾虑。”

十分诚实的朋友

诚实的朋友不会一直说你爱听的，但是他们肯定会告诉你你需要了解的事情，他们真的关心你。当你身陷危机，需要迅速做决定的时候，你就应该去找他们。他们让你从一团乱麻中脱身。这种朋友有“评断”的能力，“是当别人不会告诉你事实或者粉饰事实时，他们会跟你实话实说的珍宝。”格林博士说到。但是她提醒到，这种朋友这么做一定是出于良好的目的，确实是为你好的。

你了解他更甚于了解自己的朋友

历史，有时对你有利，有时则不然。这种朋友会跳出你现有的工作、感情、其他友人以及你的生活的框架来看你。他们非常了解你。他们很特别，因为他们像家人。跟了解你的人在一起感觉很舒服。“在他们面前你无须故作坚强，”贝托鲁奇说到：“他们比你更了解你自己，并且无条件的接受了你。”