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The One With All the Wedding Dresses
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Story by: Adam Chase
Teleplay by: Michael Curtis & Gregory S. Malins
Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
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[Scene: Joey抯 bedroom, he is asleep and snoring loudly. Chandler enters wondering who left their engine running.]
Chandler: Are you kidding me?! Joey. Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey!!
Joey: (joining in, in his sleep) Joey. Joey. Joey. Joey! Joey!!
(Chandler acts disgusted, but is happy that Joey has stopped snoring. However, just as he is about to leave, Joey starts snoring again. So to get him to stop, he slams the door shut, waking Joey.)
Chandler: Oh. Oh, did-did-did I wake you?
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is getting another cup of coffee.]
Chandler: Gunther, can I get another cup of coffee, please? (Gunther starts to pour him another cup.) So uh, what do you do when you抮e not working here?
Gunther: You don抰 need to fill these silences.
Chandler: Oh, okay, thanks. (He goes back to the couch and rejoins Monica, Joey, and Phoebe.)
Monica: Chandler, that抯 like your fourth cup of coffee!
Chandler: Well, I am drinking lots of cups of coffee because I抦 exhausted! Because Joey started snoring!
Monica: He抯 in a different room! He抯 really that loud?
Joey: (proudly) Oh, you should here me.
Chandler: It抯 not something to be proud of, okay? You have to go to a sleep clinic!
Joey: Look, I told ya, I抦 not going to any clinic! I don抰 have a problem, you抮e the one with the problem! You should go to a "Quit being a baby and leave me alone" clinic!
Chandler: They don抰 have those.
Joey: Yeah, they do! Quit being a baby and leave me alone! There, you抳e just had your first class!
Monica: Y択now I used to go out with this guy that was a really light sleeper, and whenever I started to snore, he would just roll me over?
Joey: Ohhh, yeah!
Monica: He would just roll me over and I would stop snoring.
Chandler: Next time you snore, I抦 rolling ya over!
Joey: I gotta do what I gotta do, you gotta do what you gotta do, you just do it.
Ross: (entering) Hey guys!
Chandler: Hey, all right!
Phoebe: Hey!
(Joey starts humming Here Come the Bride.)
Phoebe: Oh, the Olympics.
Monica: Have you guys picked a date yet?
Ross: Oh no, not yet.
Phoebe: I still cannot believe you抮e engaged! (Ross looks at her) Just 慶ause its happening so fast; not 慶ause you抮e such a loser.
Ross: Oh. Thanks. Uh, has anyone seen Rach?
Monica: Ugh, she抯 upstairs not doing the dishes! And I tell ya something! I抦 not doing them this time! I don抰 care if those dishes sit in the sink until they抮e all covered with桰抣l do them when I get home!
Ross: Yeah梠h! Hey listen umm, Emily found this wedding dress in London?
Phoebe: Already?!
Ross: Yeah, but it didn抰 fit. Well, luckily there抯 a store here that has one left in her size, but I抦 the groom, I抦 not supposed to see the dress?
Monica: I抣l pick it up for you!
Ross: Thank you.
Monica: Okay.
Chandler: Oh, she抯 got you running errands, y択now, picking up wedding dresses?(Laughs and makes like Indiana Jones and his whip) Wah-pah!
Ross: What抯 wah-pah?
Chandler: Y択now, whipped! Wah-pah!
Joey: That抯 not whipped! Whipped is wh-tcssh!
Chandler: That抯 what I did. Wah-pah!
Joey: You can抰 do anything!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is not doing the dishes. She hears someone coming up the stairs and quickly puts down her magazine and pretends like she抯 actually doing the dishes.]
Rachel: Hey, Mon, I was just doing the dishes!
Ross: Hey!
Rachel: Oh! It抯 you. (She stops doing the dishes.) Hi.
Ross: Hey, do uh, do you have a minute?
Rachel: Yeah, yeah, I was just about to take a break anyways, so?
Ross: So listen uh, I know you and I haven抰 really had a chance to talk since uh, Emily and I decided to get married, and uh, I was just wondering how you were.
Rachel: Oh.
Ross: I know if you were getting married I抎 feel, kinda?. y択now.
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah. Definitely, well it definitely took me by surprise, but I抦 okay.
Ross: Yeah?
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: All right, I just wanted to check.
Rachel: Oh, that抯 sweet.
(He goes over to hug her.)
Ross: You抮e great. And I-I know someday this will happen for you too. You just hang in there.
Rachel: (breaking the hug) Uhh, hang in there?
Ross: Oh, no, I didn抰 mean, uh?
Rachel: I mean maybe you didn抰 hear about a serious relationship called me and Joshua?
Ross: Oh, I thought you guys had just been on like four dates, I didn抰 realise that had become anything, yet.
Rachel: Oh, no-no-no, no-no-no, it has become, it has梱eah. Oh no, those were four great dates.
Ross: Oh. Yeah?
Rachel: Yeah. Oh, yeah. And I mean, the connection, I mean y択now, emotionally, mentally, physically?
Ross: Wow, that抯-that抯-that抯 incredible.
Rachel: I know isn抰 it? It抯 like I抦 right there with Joshua.
Ross: Uh-huh.
Rachel: You are right there with Emily. And it抯 y択now, it抯 kinda like? it抯 a tie! Well, I gotta get, I gotta get back to the dishes.
Ross: I gotta get to work.
Rachel: Oh yeah? Fine.
Ross: Hey, y択now, y択now what would make me really happy?
Rachel: Oh yeah, no, what抯 that?
Ross: If like the four of us could all y択now, hang out together. Uh, in fact Emily抯 coming into town this weekend, why don抰 you say we all have dinner? Say, Sunday night?
Rachel: That would be great!
Ross: Yeah, all right, it抯 a date. (He leaves)
Rachel: (to the closed door) Hang in there. You hang in there. (Gives him the raspberry.)
Ross: (coming back in) Did you say something?
Rachel: No, just singing. (Does a little song.)
[Scene: Beatrice Bridal Shop, Monica and Phoebe are there to pick up Emily抯 dress.]
Monica: Oh my God! Ohh! Look at this one! It抯 so beautiful!
Phoebe: Yeah, but y択now, about have of these are gonna end up getting divorced.
The Saleslady: May I help you ladies?
Monica: Oh, yes, umm, I抦 here to pick up a dress that you have on hold.
The Saleslady: Yes, what抯 the name, please?
Monica: Emily Waltham.
The Saleslady: Yes! I have it right here. (Phoebe and Monica both gasp at the dress.) Would you like to try it on Ms. Waltham?
Monica: (laughs) Okay.
[Time lapse. Monica is wearing the dress and starring at herself in the mirror.]
Phoebe: You抮e the most beautiful bride I抳e ever seen.
Monica: I am, aren抰 I?
The Saleslady: Ms. Waltham?
Monica: Yes?
The Saleslady: We抮e closing.
Monica: All right. (Goes to take off the dress.)
The Saleslady: And could I get my ring back?
(She disgustedly takes the ring off and gives it back.)
[Scene: Joey抯 bedroom, he抯 snoring again and Chandler is there to roll him over.]
Chandler: All right buddy, time to roll over. (Rolls him over, and discovers a surprise) (Looking down) No-no! (Covers his eyes) No, no-n-n-n-no!! You are going to a clinic! You抮e going to a clinic, and a pyjama store!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is doing the dishes.]
Monica: Does she use the cups? Yes! I believe she does. Does she use the plates? Yes! I believe she does. (Looks at the wedding dress and stops.)
[Time lapse, Monica is now wearing the dress while doing the dishes and is making like she is thanking her guests for coming to her wedding. Paging Dr. Crane. Dr. Fraiser Crane!]
Monica: Oh. Thank you. Ohhh, thank you very much. Oh, thank you for coming. (There抯 a knock on the door.) Uh, just a second!
Phoebe: No-no, let me in!
Monica: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Yeah!
Monica: Can you just hold on for one minute?
Phoebe: No, you have to let me in right now!!
Monica: Are you alone?
Phoebe: Yes!
Monica: All right.
(She goes over and lets Phoebe bounce in wearing her own wedding dress.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is complaining about going to the clinic.]
Joey: This sucks! I didn抰 know I had to stay up all night before I went to this stupid sleep clinic! I抦 so tired!
Chandler: It抯 6:00.
Joey: Yeah, well?
Rachel: (entering) Hi!
Chandler: Hey, I hear that you and Joshua are going out to dinner with Ross and Emily, and I think that抯, I think that抯 really cool.
Joey: Yeah, Rach, I think you抮e handling that really well.
Rachel: Handling it? What do you mean, handling it? There抯 nothing to handle. Now, maybe I would have a problem with this if it wasn抰 for me and Joshua. Y択now, they抮e not gonna get married anyway!
Chandler: What?
Rachel: Come on! They rushed into this thing so fast it抯 ridiculous! I mean, they抮e gonna be engaged for like what? A year? And somewhere along the way, one of them is gonna realise what they抳e done and they抮e call the whole thing off. I抦 telling ya, you抮e gonna be dancing at my wedding before you抮e dancing at there抯.
Chandler: Yeah, well, I don抰 dance at weddings.
Rachel: Why not?
Chandler: Because weddings are a great place to meet women, and when I dance, I look like this?(Starts to dancing really, really, really badly. Ross enters behind him and he stops.)
Ross: Hey man.
Chandler: Hey!
Ross: So, what are you guys doing four weeks from today?
Chandler: Nothing.
Rachel: Nothing.
Joey: I am?(Looks in his date book.) free!
Ross: Great! Because Emily and I are getting married in a month!
Joey and Chandler: What?!
Ross: Yep!
Rachel: In a month?
Ross: Yeah!
Rachel: You mean, you mean 30 days?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: From now?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Well, that抯 great.
Ross: Yeah! Yeah, Emily always wanted to get married in this beautiful place that her parents got married, but it抯 going to be torn down, so?I mean, I-I know it抯 crazy, but everything up 憈il now has been so crazy, and I don抰 know, this just feels right. Y択now?
Joey: (still looking in date book) Hey! That抯 the day after I stop menstruating! (They all look at him.) This isn抰 mine.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is waiting impatiently for Joshua.]
Joshua: (entering) Hey, Rachel.
Rachel: Hi!
Joshua: What抯 up? You抮e voice sounded all squeaky on the phone.
Rachel: Ohh, nothing, I just wanted to see you. See you and hug you. (Hugs him) See you.
Joshua: Great!
Rachel: Yeah! (She sits down) Sit!
Joshua: (sitting) You okay?
Rachel: I抦 more than okay, I am really, really happy! Wanna know why?
Joshua: Do I?
Rachel: 慍ause I am really happy about us. I think we are, I think we are so on the right track! Y択now? I mean, I think we are working, I think we are clicking. Y択now?
Joshua: Yeah, sure-sure, yeah, we抮e-we抮e-we抮e-we抮e-we抮e clicking.
Rachel: Yeah-yeah, y択now if-if there was just like one little area where I梩hat I think we need梬e would need to work on; I-I would think it was we抮e just not crazy enough!
Joshua: I-I gotta say, I-I-I-I抦 not too sure I agree with that.
Rachel: Well, yeah, right, y択now what? Yeah, you抮e right, I mean, we no, we have our fun. Yeah! But if (Grunts uncomprehensively)厖I mean, I mean like craaaazy! Y択now? Okay, all right. This is gonna, this is gonna sound y択now, a little umm, hasty, but uh, just go with it. Umm. Ugh. What if we got married?
Joshua: What?! (Gunther is listening in.)
Rachel: Oh, I know, I know, it抯-it抯 so, it抯 so totally like, "Whoa! Can we do this?" Y択now, I mean, but I mean it just feels right! Don抰 you think? It does! I mean, it just feels right, don抰 you think?
Joshua: Wow! Uhh, Rachel uhh, you抮e a real special lady, but my divorce isn抰 final yet and, and, and we抳e been on four days, so I抦 thinking "No, but thanks."
Gunther: YOU IDIOT!!!!!
[Scene: The Sleep Clinic, Joey is having trouble staying awake.]
Sleep Clinic Worker: Your name, please?
Joey: Joey Tribbiani.
Sleep Clinic Worker: Um-hmm, and did you stay up all night in preparation for your sleep study. (Joey doesn抰 answer) Uh, sir? (Joey starts snoring)
Chandler: (answering for him) Yes he did.
Sleep Clinic Worker: Alll right, we抣l call you in a few minutes.
(As she leaves, a beautiful woman enters and sits down across from the boys.)
Chandler: (waking Joey) Hey, check out that girl! She is really hot!
Joey: (sleepily) Yeah, she is. Wow! (Falls back asleep, loudly) How you doin?
(Chandler wakes him up, again.)
Joey: What?!
Chandler: You抮e coming on to the entire room! (He goes over to pick up a stack of magazines next to her, and to get her attention, he throws them back down.) I抦 Chandler.
Woman: I抦 Marjorie.
Chandler: Hi.
Marjorie: Hi.
Chandler: You mind if I?
Marjorie: No, please.
(He sits down next to her.)
Chandler: So uh, what are you in for?
Marjorie: I talk in my sleep.
Chandler: What a coincidence, I listen in my sleep.
Joey: (asleep) So why don抰 you give me your number?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe, still defying reality, are now throwing a bouquet at each other, pretending to catch the actual bouquet at an actual wedding.]
Monica: Okay, ready?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Monica: Okay.
(She turns around and throws the bouquet to Phoebe.)
Phoebe: (catching it) I got it! Mine! (They both hug)
Monica: Congratulations!
Phoebe: Thank you!
Monica: Okay! My turn! My turn!
Phoebe: Okay! (Gets into position) Okay, ready?
Monica: (cocking her head from side to side in some pre-bouquet-catching ritual) Yeah.
Phoebe: Okay. (Phoebe turns and throws it on the couch.)
Monica: (upset) That was a terrible throw!!
Phoebe: I抦 not gonna right to you! That抯 not real!
Monica: Look at me! My big concern is what抯 real?! (Finally realises) Oh my God. We抮e really sad, aren抰 we?
Phoebe: Yeah, I think we are.
Monica: This isn抰 even my dress.
Phoebe: Well, at least you didn抰 rent yours from a store called, "It抯 Not Too Late."
Monica: I抦 changing out of this.
Phoebe: Me too.
Monica: In like a half-hour?
Phoebe: Me too.
Monica: Okay, throw it straight this time.
Phoebe: Okay.
(She throws it straight, and Monica makes a big deal about catching it.)
Monica: I抦 getting married next!!
Phoebe: Yay!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe, back to reality, are sitting in normal clothes.]
Phoebe: I hate my regular clothes now! Y択now? I look down and-and I know that this isn抰 gonna be the most special day of my life.
Monica: Yeah. I mean it was kinda fun for a while, but didn抰 you start feeling silly?
Phoebe: I guess.
(Monica crosses her legs and is still wearing the garter belt.)
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Monica: Oh God.
Phoebe: Oh, you抮e such a cheater!
Chandler: (entering) Hello! Little ones.
Monica: Hey!
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: So, is Joey gonna stop snoring?
Chandler: Yep! And! A beautiful woman agreed to go out with me. (They抮e stunned.) Joey wanted to ask her out, but uh, she picked me.
Phoebe: Oh, how抎 that happen?
Chandler: Because I抦 cooler.
Monica: No, seriously.
Chandler: Well she抯, she抯 the kinda girl桱oey was unconscious.
(Joey enters, wearing a mouth guard like boxers wear.)
Joey: (muffled by the mouth guard) Hey you guys! What抯 happening?
Monica: Oh my God!
Phoebe: What is that?
Joey: (muffled) Oh, they gave it to me at the sleep clinic, and it抯 gonna help me not to snore.
Monica: Well, are you asleep right now, Joe? 慍ause I don抰 think you have to wear it unless you are!
Joey: (takes out the mouth guard) I know I don抰 have too! It tastes good. (Puts it back in.)
Chandler: Plus, you look cool.
(Joey totally agrees with this statement and kicks his feet up.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is putting away the wedding dress, finally.]
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) Well, I just called Joshua?
Phoebe: Oh, how did it go?
Rachel: Well, I did my best to convince him that I抦 not some crazy girl who is dying to get married桰抦 just going through a hard time.
Phoebe: What did he say?
Rachel: Well uh, his answering machine was very understanding. Ugh. I feel blue.
Monica: Ohh, sweetie! (Goes to comfort her.) Hey, I bet you anything that he抯 gonna call you again.
Rachel: Yeah, maybe, but I don抰 think I even care. I don抰 think he抯 the one I抦 sad about. Y択now, I know that I said that I am totally okay with Ross getting married, but as it turns out, I don抰 think I抦 handling it all that well.
Phoebe: Yeah, maybe.
Rachel: And I-I am just trying to figure out why.
Phoebe: Any luck?
Rachel: Well, yeah, y択now how Ross and I were on again, off again, on again, off again? I guess I just figured that somewhere down the road, we would be on again.
Monica: Again. Y択now what? I think we all did.
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hey! (She jumps up and throws Emily抯 wedding dress into Rachel抯 room.)
Ross: So, I got us some reservations for Sunday night, okay? How about, Ernie抯 at 9 o抍lock?
Rachel: Yeah, well, you uh, better make it for three.
Ross: Oh, see I-I don抰 know if we抮e gonna be hungry at three.
Rachel: Three people. Joshua抯 not gonna be there.
Ross: What happened?
Rachel: Uh, well, I think, I think he broke up with me.
Ross: Noo. Why?
Rachel: Well, apparently he scares easy.
Ross: Oh, Rachel, I抦-I抦 sorry.
Rachel: It抯 okay. Sometimes, things don抰 work out the way you抎 thought they would.
Ross: Come here.
(They hug.)
Rachel: (breaking the hug) Oh, hey, don抰 you have to go pick up Emily?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: You okay?
Rachel: Yeah! I got my girls.
(He leaves.)
Rachel: Ugh. (She goes over and lays her head on Phoebe抯 lap.)
Phoebe: (looks at Monica) Hey, y択now what might cheer you up?
Rachel: What?
[Time lapse, all three girls are now wearing wedding dresses, eating popcorn, drinking beer, and watching TV.]
Rachel: Y択now, I gotta tell ya, this really does put in a better mood.
Monica: Oh, I wish there was a job where I could wear this all the time. (Pause) Maybe someday, there will be.
(There抯 a knock on the door.)
Monica: Oh God! He抯 gonna come by and borrow some candles for his big date!
Rachel: Oh, okay! (She goes to answer the door.)
Monica: No-no, Rachel, don抰 get it! He can抰 see us!
Phoebe: No, yeah! The groom cannot see the bride!
Rachel: I抦 not gonna marry Chandler!
Phoebe: Not after this!
Rachel: Okay, you guys, just relax. (She goes over to open the door, and as she does, she says.) I doooo. (Sees that it抯 Joshua, not Chandler that knocked on the door.)
Joshua: I gotta go.
Rachel: Oh, wait, Joshua! Joshua! (Pause) (Comes back inside) Yeah, well, that oughta do it.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Chandler抯 bedroom, he is sleeping with Marjorie. All of the sudden, Marjorie starts talking in her sleep, awakening Chandler. After a little bit, she quiets back down, and Chandler tries to get back to sleep. There抯 a short pause until she starts screaming, causing Chandler to scream with her. She quickly calms down. This all wakes up Joey, who comes over wearing the mouth guard, opens the top half of Chandler抯 door, and starts to complain about the noise.]
Joey: (muffled by the mouth guard) Dude! I am trying to sleep! (Shrugs to say, "What抯 up with that?")
End
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