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The One With Monica's Soulmate
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Written by: Andrew Reich and Ted Cohen
Transcribed by: Jean Liew
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Lisa Kudrow: Previously, on Friends...
Ross: I抦 sorry. Did, did you just say it was Rachel?
Joey: Yes.
Ross: Um, you, you like Rachel?
Joey: Yes, I like Rachel.
Ross: RACHEL?!!! Rachel?
Joey: Yeah, ok, but, uh, y択now, y択now who else I like? You! and, and it doesn抰 get said enough. I like you, Ross.
Ross: R-r-rachel?! Rachel?!
Joey: It抯 not a big deal.
Ross: It抯 not a big deal? Oh, I, I抦 sorry. Um, I, what about all the stuff you just said? Uh, like, you can抰 stop thinking about her. Like, you can抰 sleep?
Joey: All right, I抦 an actor, y択now? As, as a group, we tend to be overdramatic.
Ross: Rachel, who抯 carrying my baby, Rachel?
Joey: Yeah. I know it抯 bad and I know it抯 wrong, ok? But, but it抯 not like anything抯 even going to happen. These, these, these are just feelings. They抮e just gonna go away.
Ross: Y択now, I, I gotta go.
Joey: Oh, come on Ross! Ross, don抰 -
Ross: Y択now, I, I just want to - RACHEL?!!!!!!
(Ross leaves, and says through the window, 揜ACHEL?!!!!?Joey turns around...)
Gunther: RACHEL?!!!!!!!!!!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel and Chandler are there.]
Rachel: Ooh, oh!! Ok, she抯 kicking.
Chandler: Oh. (he puts her hand on her belly) She抯 growing inside you!
Rachel: Whoa!! Wow, that was a big one.
Chandler: I think that抯 the youngest girl ever to reject me!
(Phoebe enters.)
Phoebe: Oh, hey you guys!
Chandler: Oh, hey.
Rachel: Hi.
Phoebe: Listen. Let me ask you: Do you believe in soulmates?
Rachel: Oh, yes I do. I think that there is one perfect person out there for everyone. When you find him, you stop looking for him. That抯 why I抳e stopped looking for Russell Crowe. He抣l find me.
Phoebe: Uh huh. And you?
Chandler: No. I mean, I believe that some people are more suited for each other, and I believe in falling in love. But soulmates, I don抰 think they exist.
Phoebe: Ok, good.
Chandler: Why?
Phoebe: Well, last night I met Monica抯.
Chandler: What?
Phoebe: Yeah, I had a date with this guy and I swear to God that he is her other half.
Chandler: Oh, come on, don抰 be crazy. You don抰 think there抯 someone better suited for Monica than me, do you?
(Rachel can抰 answer.)
Rachel: ...But what抯 he like?!
Phoebe: Well, he抯 tall.
Rachel: Uh huh.
Phoebe: He has brown hair.
Rachel: Of course, of course.
Chandler: Tall guy with hair similar to mine. Oh, small universe!
Phoebe: Oh, works with food.
Rachel: Oh sure! Older?
Phoebe: Obviously. British.
Rachel: Oh, I was just going to ask!!
Phoebe: Yeah... And he, he抯 so centered and mature and confident...
Rachel: Oh... It抯 too bad they never had a chance to meet!
Chandler: And the guy she settled for can抰 hear what you抮e talking about.
Phoebe: Oh, I抦 so sorry. And maybe I抦 wrong. I抣l find out more when I go out with him again.
Chandler: You believe that this guy is destined for somebody else and you抮e still going to date him?
Phoebe: Hey may not be my soulmate, but a girl抯 got to eat!
[Scene: Ross and Rachel抯. He opens the door; it抯 Monica.]
Monica: Hey.
Ross: Hey.
Monica: I just talked to Joey. I just, I wanted to see how you were.
Ross: I can抰 believe it. Joey and Rachel?! I mean, it, it抯 like you and me going out, only weirder!
Monica: All right. I know you抮e hurting and I want to be supportive, but don抰 say that again!
Ross: Oh my God. What if, what if they get married? He抯 going to father my child.
Monica: Honey, I don抰 think that抯 something you need to worry about... First of all, he, he抯 going to tell her how he feels about her. And even if he did, you have no idea how she would react.
Ross: Sure, cause women never like Joey. Y択now, I think he抯 a virgin?
Monica: Joey is not even thinking about going after Rachel!
Ross: He抯 not?
Monica: No! That is how you抮e taking this. Listen, it抯 completely freaking him out. He抯 talking about moving to Vermont.
Ross: Why?
Monica: He wants to move out of the country. He thinks you hate him.
Ross: Hate him? I...I don抰 hate him. It抯 just that it抯 Rachel, y択now?
Monica: Honey, I can抰 imagine how hard this must be for you... But I don抰 want you to lose Joey over it. And right now, he just needs to know that you抮e still his friend.
Ross: Ok. Ok. I抣l talk to him.
Monica: And do it soon. He just asked me how he could convert his dollars to Vermont money.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler are there. Phoebe enters with Monica抯 soulmate, aka her boyfriend.]
Phoebe: Oh, hi.
Monica: Hi.
Phoebe: Chandler, Monica, this is Don.
Don: Hello.Hello. Nice to meet you.
Monica: Nice to meet you too.
Phoebe: *cough* Soulmate! *cough*
Monica: So, what have you guys been doing?
Don: Well, we抳e just had a terrible lunch today at the ???. What is with all the sun-dried tomatoes at that place?
Monica: I know! What is this, 1985?
Don: That is exactly what I thought. Phoebe, isn抰 that strange?
Phoebe: Not really.
Chandler: What抯 wrong with sun-dried tomatoes? On a barbequed chicken pizza? ...no?
Monica: So, Don, what, what other restaurants do you like?
Don: Well, I love 27&7. And there抯 this great new place. Alessandro抯.
Monica: Oh my God! That抯 my restaurant!
Don: You抮e kidding me!
Monica: No!
Don: Your food is fantastic!! Well, I really ought to talk to you about your menu. But I thought I抣l get some coffees first. Do you want any?
Monica: Oh, I抎 like a latte. If you抮e going to talk about me, I抦 going to go with you.
(They go to the counter.)
Chandler: What are you doing?!
Phoebe: Nothing! I swear to God, I didn抰 know you guys would be here!! The good is you don抰 even believe in soulmates, so -
Chandler: I believe in tall, handsome strangers, who hit on my wife!!
Phoebe: They抮e just talking. And just because I think they抮e soulmates doesn抰 mean anything抯 going to happen.
Monica: Phoebe? Good work!
Phoebe: Yeah...
Monica: I mean, he抯 great. I love him.
Phoebe: (to Chandler) Don抰 worry. We抣l find you someone else.
[Scene: Joey抯 place. Knock, knock. It抯 Ross.]
Joey: Hey.
Ross: Hey.
Joey: Look, i understand if you came by to hit me. I deserve it.
Ross: I don抰 want to hit you.
Joey: Uh, what? Kick me?
Ross: No.
Joey: (scared) Bite me?!
Ross: No, I don抰, I don抰 want to do anything to you. I came to tell you that I抦 not mad at you. And, and that I certainly do not hate you. I guess I just came here to say that.
(He turns to leave.)
Joey: Hey, hey, Ross, Ross! Wanna, wanna come in for a beer or something?
Ross: Uh...yeah, sure.
(He comes in.)
Joey: Do, uh, you got any beer? Uh, all I got is this melon stuff that Rachel left.
(He gets out a bottle of something green.)
Ross: Ok.
(He pours some.)
Joey: Hey, look, Ross, you need to understand something, ok? I, uh, I am never going to act on this Rachel thing, ok? Uh, I wouldn抰 want to do anything to jeopardize my friendship with you.
(He hands him a glass.)
Ross: Thank you.
(They drink. Joey hates it, but Ross likes it. He sees the look on Joey抯 face and pretends to hate it too.)
Joey: Anyway, it, uh, it抣l just take a little while to get over her. I抦 not even sure how to do that. I mean, I抳e never been in love before.
Ross: What? You抮e in love with her?
Joey: Yeah. I thought you knew that.
Ross: Um...no.
Joey: Oh. Hey, look, if it helps, I don抰 wanna feel this way. I just, I just keep thinking, ah, I抣l get over this. Y択now? It just, it just keeps getting hard. I don抰, I don抰 know what to do. Y択now? What do, what do I do?
Ross: I think you need to tell her how you feel.
Joey: Ok, that抯 the green stuff talkin?
Ross: No, I抦 serious. You need to find out where she is. If she抯 not where you are, then you need to find a way to get past this.
Joey: But what if, and I抦 not saying she will be -
Ross: If, if she is where you are, then, uh....then my feelings for her about it shouldn抰 stand in the way.
Joey: Are you sure?
Ross: Yeah. Look, if she抯 going to end up with anyone else, the truth is, she couldn抰 find a better guy. So -
Joey: Ok. Thanks.
Ross: So when do you think you抮e going to talk to her?
Joey: Oh my God. I have to tell her. I haven抰 thought about what I was going to say. What am I going to say?!
Ross: I抦 understanding, but let抯 not get carried away.
Joey: Right. Sorry. Sorry... What am I going to say?
(He takes another sip and makes a face.)
Ross: Yeah, tell me about it.
(He turns around and enjoys the melon stuff.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, Phoebe and Don are there.]
Don: So, I抳e been slowly phasing out the wine importing and I抳e been focusing on the, um, cheese. So -
Chandler: Cheese, you say? That抯 some pretty smelly work, huh, Don?
Don: Excuse me?
Chandler: Cheese. Smelly. You smell a lot of the time too.
Don: Uh, not really. But when it comes to cheese, I抦 one of the people who thinks the smellier the better.
Monica: Yeah. Chandler can抰 stand it. Yeah. He won抰 even allow me to have bleu cheese in the house!
Don: You抮e still married to him?
(They laugh.)
Monica: You know what I would like to do? I would like to go to France and eat nothing but bread and cheese. No, not even bread. Just cheese. No, I want the bread. Yeah. And pastries. And pate. Oh, I抦 really not high. It抯 just that I used to be fat.
Don: Well, if you really want to go, let me know. I抳e got a little villa where you could stay.
Chandler: Is it made of cheese?
Don: No. But, God, a house made of cheese! Wouldn抰 that be incredible?
Monica: I抎 move in tomorrow!
Chandler: Oh come on!! (to Phoebe) Are you listening to this/
Phoebe: I抦 so sorry.
Chandler: What are we going to do?
Phoebe: I dunno. They both want to live in a house of cheese. I don抰 know how you fight that.
[Scene: The hallway outside of Ross and Rachel抯. Joey walks up to the door, but can抰 knock.]
Joey: Ok. Ok. I can do this. I can tell her how I feel. Just, uh, ok, stand up straight. (stands up straight) Now take a deep breath. (takes two) Be confident. (He takes another deep breath, when Rachel opens the door and comes out) Oh!! Geez.
Rachel: Oh, Joey, what抯 up?!
Joey: I just came by because I, uh, I, I just wanted to talk to you about something.
Rachel: What抯 up?
Joey: Here, in the hall? What are we, animals?
Rachel: Honey. I抦 about to be late for a meeting. So, can you make it quick?
Joey: Um, yeah. I just came by to tell you that I...want to have dinner with you tonight.
Rachel: Sure! Sounds great. Just leave me a message to tell me where to meet you. Ok?
(She leaves.)
Joey: Ok. Ok! Ok. That抯 good. Ok. That gives you a couple of hours to prepare what you抮e going to say. (A guy comes out of his apartment behind Joey.) Oh!! Don抰 you people ever knock?!!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica抯. They enter.]
Monica: I抎 like to have Don and Phoebe over. Would that be nice?
Chandler: Let抯 set it up. I抣l just be over here, browsing through the personals.
Monica: Are you ok? You抳e been acting weird all afternoon.
Chandler: Yeah. Fine. Fine. Not perfect! But good enough.
Monica: Geez, what is with you?
Chandler: I抦 sorry. Did you say 揷heese?
Monica: Ok, what抯 going on?
Chandler: Phoebe said you and Don are soulmates. And I don抰 believe in that kind of stuff, but you two totally got along. So I抦 not going to stand in your way if you抮e gonna go run off with Don and live in a house of cheese.
Monica: Chandler, you don抰 believe in soulmates?
Chandler: Well, I抦 sure ?to-mah-toes?does!
Monica: I don抰 believe in soulmates either.
Chandler: You don抰?
Monica: No. I think that you and I were destined to end up together. I think that we fell in love and we work hard at our relationship. Some days we work really hard.
Chandler: So, you don抰 want to live with Don in a cheese house?
Monica: No, I, I, I抳e had second thoughts about that. Do you realize how hard that would be to clean?
Chandler: I love you.
Monica: I know.
Chandler: Y択now what, I抦 going to take you out to dinner tonight. I抳e found this place that makes the best mozzarella sticks and jalapeno poppers. No? Really? They taste so good!
[Scene: The restaurant.]
Rachel: I mean, I know Chandler抯 kidding, but it happens every time he touches my stomach. Y択now, I抦 really worried that the baby抯 not going to like him. Are you ok?
Joey: What? Yeah, sure. Uh, look, the, uh, the reason...is it hot in here?
Rachel: No, no, not for me. Why don抰 you take off your sweater?
Joey: I would, but this is a nice place and my t shirt has a picture of Calvin doin?Hobbes.
Rachel: Oh my God! Really? Can I see it? (Joey stands up and pulls out his sweater so she can see it) Huh. Wow. I wouldn抰 think Hobbes would like that so much.
Joey: Uh... How long have we known each other?
Rachel: Um, seven...eight....eight years.
Joey: Uh huh. Long time.
Rachel: Yeah.
Joey: But over the past few weeks. I -
(A waiter comes up.)
Waiter: Ok! Sorry about the wait, but it is mega-jammed in here! We have a couple specials tonight.
Joey: Uh, actually, could you give us a second?
Waiter: Sure! (looks around) Second抯 up! (Joey glares at him) Not...that kind of table.
(He leaves.)
Rachel: So you were saying...
Joey: I抦 not quite sure.
Rachel: Well, you had asked me how long we knew each other. And I said eight years. And the, um, waiter came over and cut his tip in half. And, umm, now here we are.
Joey: Yeah. Here we are. Uh...I...I think I抦 falling in love with you.
Rachel: What?!
Joey: I抦 falling in love with you.
(Rachel looks around uncomfortably.)
Rachel: Who抮e you talking to? Oh, you抮e kidding. Oh, it抯 a joke. (tries to laugh) Oh, I see. It抯 funny. ...I don抰 get it. (sees Joey抯 serious) Oh. Ok. Umm... I, I, I, how? How? Are you, um... How did, um... When?
Joey: Does it really matter?
Rachel: Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. It is hot in here.
Joey: Rach. Rach. I know this is a lot, and you don抰 have to say anything. You, you, uh, take as much time as you need. (silence) Ok, you gotta say something!!
Rachel: I... Joey, Joey, I love you so much. But I -
Joey: But...
Rachel: Joey...
Joey: Yeah. Right. Ok. That, uh, that, that抯 ok. That抯 fine. That抯, uh, pretty much what I was expecting, you know? So, uh, it抯 no big deal. All right? I think I抦 going to go.
(He gets up.)
Rachel: Joey, Joey, please don抰 go! (starts to cry) Please don抰 leave me like this! Number one, you can抰 do this to a pregnant woman!
Joey: I thought this would make me happy (?). you can抰 do that, Rach, cause you抮e gonna make me do that! (starts to cry too) Oh, there I go!
Rachel: Can I -
Joey: Yeah...
(They hug.)
Rachel: Oh, Joey, I don抰 wanna, I don抰 want to ???.
Joey: Hey, hey, you can抰. Ok? Ever.
Rachel: I抦 so sorry.
Joey: Rach, please don抰 be sorry. Ok? Don抰 be sorry. (they hug again) Y択now, I was only kidding.
Rachel: Yeah, it was a real good one.
Closing Credits
[Scene: The restaurant. Everyone抯 left but Rachel and Joey. They抮e still crying and hugging. The waiter from before is watching them. Another waiter comes up.]
Waiter 2: Is this your table?
Waiter: Yeah.
Waiter 2: God, you抮e going to be here all night.
Waiter: I know. I haven抰 even read them the specials yet.
Waiter 2: What抯 the matter with them?
Waiter: I don抰 know. I think maybe one of them is dying. I kinda hope it抯 the girl. The guy is really cute!
End
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