How about computers?

　　喜欢电脑吗

　　Do you like computers?

　　我用电脑  但不喜欢

　　I use them. I don't like them.

　　好吧...

　　Okay...

　　那小狗呢  你觉得小狗怎样

　　Puppets?  Where do you stand on puppies?.

　　有只小狗咬过我的脸

　　A puppy once bit my face.

　　它们自然咬人啦

　　Of course it did.

　　猜怎么着  爱因斯坦错了

　　How about that? Einstein was wrong.

　　怎么

　　What?

　　在接近光速的情况下

　　Approaching the speed of light

　　时间不会减慢

　　Doesn't slow down time.

　　和他们在一起时才会变慢

　　Approaching them does.

　　不好意思

　　Excuse me.

　　见鬼  是我妈

　　Oh,damn. It's my mother.

　　你要接吗

　　Are you going to answer it?

　　想接

　　I'm torn

　　她可能要死了  要知道

　　She might be dying,and,you know,

　　我可不想错过这一时刻

　　I wouldn't want to miss that.

　　不过话说回来

　　On the other hand,

　　如果转到语音信箱的话  我就能一遍遍地回味了

　　If I let it go to voicemail,I could play it over and over.

　　我理解你  我妈把我逼疯了

　　I know how you feel. My mother makes me crazy.

　　不会比我妈更狠的

　　Not as crazy as my mother makes me.

　　是吗?

　　Oh,yeah?

　　你妈也是每天在你上班时打电话来

　　Does your mother call u every day at work

　　问你是不是吃了健康午餐吗

　　To see if you've had a healthy lunch?

　　我妈妈会在上班时打给我

　　My mother calls me at workk

　　问我排便是否正常

　　To see if I had a healthy bowel movement.

　　她会把你当9岁的小孩

　　Does she lay out your clothes for you in the morning

　　一早帮你搭配好穿的衣服吗

　　Like you're nine years old?

　　你跟你妈一起住

　　You live with your mother?

　　没有  不幸之处就在于此

　　No. That's the sad part.

　　太不幸了

　　Ooh,rough.

　　好吧  这个怎样

　　Okay,check this out.

　　我妈逼我戴着橡胶手套上幼儿园

　　My mother made me we rubber gloves to kindergarten

　　这样就不会从别的孩子那传染到病

　　So I wouldn't pick up a disease from the other children.

　　这没什么

　　That's nothing.

　　我妈不让我骑自行车

　　I couldn't ride a bicle

　　因为她怕我撞到什么  从此不再是处女身

　　'cause my mother was afraid I'd hit a bump and lose my virginity.

　　你不会还是吧

　　You didn't,did you?

　　不是骑车惹的祸

　　Not on a bicle.

　　是在辆凯美瑞里[丰田车系]

　　In a Camry.

　　我是在辆花冠里[同为丰田车系]

　　Corolla!

　　-再来点酒  -好的

　　- More wine? - I'd love some.

　　改天你一定要来我家尝尝安息日晚餐

　　Listen,you have to come to Shabbat dinner at my house sometime.

　　为何

　　Why?

　　像你这样的天主教女孩  戴着那么大一个十字架

　　A catholic girl like you,wearing a big cross like that

　　说不定我妈就能像我期待已久的那样

　　Might just give my mother the big brain aneurysm

　　患上脑部动脉瘤

　　I've been hoping for.

　　好吧  除非你肯戴着犹太小帽

　　Okay,but only if you come

　　礼拜天来我家吃晚餐

　　To Sunday dinner at my house wearing a yarmulke.

　　一言为定

　　It's a date.

　　我这个媒人厉害吧

　　Am I a matchmaker or what?

　　熔岩巨莽

　　Lava Serpent.

　　巨蟒巢穴

　　Nest of snakes.

　　地狱守卫

　　Underworld Guardian.

　　地狱守卫

　　Underworld Guardian.

　　我们俩来单独决一死战

　　We skirmish to the death.

　　隐身咒

　　Invisibility Spell.

　　发光咒

　　Luminescence Spell.

　　水之女神

　　Water Nymph.

　　火之恶魔

　　Fire Demon.

　　双头猛虎

　　Two-headed Tiger.

　　三头雄狮

　　Three-headed Lion.

　　硫磺烟熏

　　Sulphur.

　　硫云风暴

　　Brimstone.

　　有问题吗  威尔?惠顿

　　Problem,Wil Wheaton?

　　稍等一下

　　Hang on.

　　你手里还有两张节制咒卡

　　You're holding two Moderate Spell cards,

　　一张小碎石卡和一张扎克毒药卡

　　A Small Rock and a Potion of Zancor

　　最多也就能在

　　Which will be about as much help

　　霍斯那个冰冻星球上当空调用用

　　As an air conditioner on the ice planet Hoth.

　　你唯一能出的招  也就是打出毒药卡

　　Your only move is to play the Potion,

　　输掉这场遭遇战

　　Lose the skirmish,

　　最多两步  游戏结束

　　And two moves later,the game.

　　我想我输定了

　　I think he's got me.

　　那年  是1995年

　　The year was 1995.

　　地点是  密西西比州首府  杰克逊

　　The place: Jackson,Mississippi.

　　我坐了整整十个小时的汽车

　　Having spent ten hours on a bus,

　　途中甚至两次违反了我自己定下的规定

　　During which I had to twice violate my personal rule

　　在行驶的车辆上  上了厕所

　　Against relieving myself on board a moving vehicle...

　　等我终于到达

　　I finally arrived

　　第四届美国南部星舰迷年度大会现场

　　At the fourth annual Dixie-Trek convention

　　却发现我的偶像威尔?惠顿上别处玩去了

　　Only to find that my idol Wil Wheaton decided he had

　　决定不过来帮我的超级英雄玩具签名了

　　Better things to do than to show up and sign my Action Figure.

　　什么

　　What?

　　你背弃了我  威尔?惠顿

　　You betrayed me,Wil Wheaton.

　　现在  我的复仇来了

　　Now I have my revenge.

　　你去参加了95年那届大会

　　You went to the '95 Dixie-Trek?

　　兄弟  当时我祖母刚过世

　　Oh,dude,my grandmother had just died,

　　我得去参加她的葬礼

　　And I had to go to her funeral.

　　你奶奶去世了

　　Your mee-maw died?

　　太糟糕了

　　That's terrible.

　　是啊

　　Yeah,it was.

　　但我真的很抱歉  让你失望了

　　But I'm really sorry that I disappointed you.

　　不  不  我能理解

　　No,no,I understand.

　　要是我奶奶有个三长两短

　　Anything happened to my mee-maw,

　　我肯定成了伤心欲绝的小甜派

　　I'd be one inconsolable moon pie.

　　我得澄清一下

　　I should clarify that statement

　　我这么说是因为  她叫我"小甜派"

　　By explaining that she calls me "moon pie."

　　这是种特别的关系  是吧

　　It'a special relationship,isn't it,

　　小男孩跟他祖母之间

　　Between a boy and his grandmother?

　　是啊

　　Oh,yes.

　　很好  人人都爱他们祖母

　　Okay,great,everybody loves their grandmas!

　　快  谢尔顿  终结他

　　Now,come on,Sheldon,finish him off!

　　没关系的  谢尔顿

　　It's okay,Sheldon.

　　是我让你失望了

　　I let you down.

　　我罪有应得

　　I deserve it.

　　扎克毒药卡

　　Potion of Zancor.

　　你还在等什么

　　What are you waiting for?!

　　杀了威尔?惠顿

　　Kill Wil Wheaton!

　　渡尽劫波  刺出复仇之剑

　　From Hell's Heart,stab at him!

　　我做不到

　　I can't.

　　你当然可以做到  快出牌

　　Sure you can. Do it! Do it!

　　不

　　No.

　　我来这是为了打败威尔?惠顿

　　I came here to defeat Wil Wheaton,

　　那个摧毁了我梦想的人

　　The man who destroyed my dreams.

　　不是这个威尔?惠顿  深爱他奶奶的人

　　But I can't defeat Wil Wheaton,the man who loved his mee-maw.

　　魔法小兔

　　Enchanted Bunny.

　　不  别出魔法小兔啊

　　No! Not Enchanted Bunny!

　　我叫我奶奶  "娜娜"

　　I call my mee-maw "Nana."

　　她一定会非常高兴

　　And she's going be very happy

　　得知我的小碎石卡  杀死了你的魔法小兔

　　To hear that my Small Rock kills your Enchanted Bunny.

　　游戏结束  小甜派

　　Game over,moon pie.

　　我  我不明白

　　I-I-I don't understand.

　　你祖母还活着

　　Your grandmother's alive?

　　理解得很快嘛

　　Oh,you catch on quick.

　　来吧  斯图  领奖金去

　　Come on,Stewie,let's get our prize money.

　　确实很好玩

　　That was fun.

　　惠顿

　　Wheaton!

　　惠顿  我跟你势不两立~~~!!!

　　Wheaton! Wheaton!