时代周刊 人到中年婚姻陷入危机怎么办（在线收听）

Where even the best marriages are hard: in the middle

最美满的婚姻也难抵挡：中间那段岁月

By Belinda Luscombe

作者：Belinda Luscombe

EVERYONE WHO JUST GOT MARRIED is psyched about it.

刚刚步入婚姻殿堂时，大家都会兴奋不已。

It’s a new adventure with their best friend.

因为他们即将和最要好的朋友开启一段新的旅程。

Everyone who has been married for 50 years or more is psyched about it.

结婚五十年甚至更久的人也会兴奋不已。

They’re living with their closest companion— it’s been a trip, totally worth it.

因为他们的一生是和自己最亲密的伴侣度过的 - 他们的婚姻是一次绝对超值的旅行。

But the people in the middle?

那夹在他们中间的那群人呢？

They’re, you know, they’re fine.

他们……勉勉强强吧，你懂的。

They perhaps didn’t expect marriage to be quite as much work as it is.

或许，他们实际的婚姻比他们想象的要麻烦得多。

Not just the child care and the housekeeping and the paying of the bills,

除了照顾孩子、做家务、支付账单，

but the parts that are supposed to be fun— the talking, the planning, the throwing a leg over.

婚姻还要聊天，制定计划，性爱这些本该很有趣的事情。

They had been led to believe it would feel easier, more natural.

在社会的引导下，他们会以为婚姻应该更轻松、更自然。

The thing about walking off into the sunset together is that then it gets dark and people stumble over each other.

手牵手看落日的结果不过是天黑了，两人还可能被对方绊倒。。

Two new books seek to solve just this midlife marital ennui:

而下面这两本新书就是来帮助大家解决这种人到中年婚姻陷入无趣的尴尬问题：

The Rough Patch, by San Francisco clinical psychologist Daphne de Marneffe,

旧金山临床心理学家Daphne de Marneffe撰写的《粗糙的补丁》

and Happy Together, by husband-and-wife marital educators Suzann Pileggi Pawelski and James Pawelski.

和夫妻婚姻教育家Suzann Pileggi Pawelski和James Pawelski合著的《幸福生活在一起》。

The midlife crisis is an old cliché, with little support in research,

中年危机这个问题早已不新鲜，这方面的研究寥寥无几，

but when we dismiss the happiness dip that people experience in their middle years,

然而，忽视人到中年经历的幸福感下降这一问题时，

"we are actually trying to disarm the intensity of the forces we are grappling with," de Marneffe writes.

“面对这一问题，我们实际上是在试图瓦解对手的力量，”德马内夫写道。

"The midpoint of life represents the moment of maximal conflict

“在我们的人生中，中年其实代表的是冲突最大化的时刻，

between our drive to seek external solutions to our emotional dilemmas and our recognition that ultimately they don’t work. "

寻求外部方案来解决我们的情绪问题与我们那最终失效的认识之间的冲突。”

It’s also often the point where our tenacity falters

这通常也是我们坚韧不拔的品质开始动摇的时间，

and the neat selvages of our certainties about who we are and whom we chose start to fray.

是我们对自我认识的笃定，对我们选择的伴侣的笃定开始动摇的时间。