访谈录[Interview]2007-10-28:该不该说善意的谎言（在线收听） |
| Okay, so what can telling a little white lie do to your relationship? Robbie Ludwig, psychotherapist and contributing editor for Cookie Magazine is here to answer that, along with body language expert Jennie Driver, good morning to both you. Good morning . OK, we've all told the lies, you know, ''I love your hair'','' you don't look fat'' , blah blah..., all those things. (Right.) Is that so wrong? It's not so wrong, I mean what a white lie is it's really protecting somebody else's feeling, and the difference between a hard lie and a white lie is a hard lie is tend to protect yourself. So really new in relationships when we wanna be nice to somebody sometimes we air on the side of being polite.. And sometimes I just think it's called manners.(Yup, exactly.) If somebody asks me ''do you like my dress'' oh let's pretend it. (Right!) Someone cooks a meal for you, the chicken is dry,(Right.) I'm, I would choke it down and say thank you, you know. Yeah. But when can those white lies step over the line and become troublesome? Well if you are basically doing things to deceive another person, that will ruin your relationship because basically relationships are based on ''I can trust you'', and if you can't trust the other person then you have no relationship. But what if you say, you know, like I like drop it when you really don't and you are, so how can you tell white lie there? I don't think, I don't think you need to go there, because there is enough positive things that you can stick with, you can stick with the truth and say something positive. So I am not one for saying something, "that's a deliberate lie just to be nice". (Right!) But You can't say the truth that it's nasty, coz' that could destroy relationship. Now I don't actually like this poll, and most people in the poll said '' look, it's okay, it's okay to lie'', can't remember the percentage, but it was, it was a big percentage that said ''it was okay'', there was 47 percent said'' it's ok'' and 23 percent say'' it's not harmful''. But you are the person you don't wanna lie in front of, 'coz you can tell when someone is lying. They're much called the lie in camera that spots people in life. I'm already afraid of you, ok, so tell me, give me some ways that you can tell if someone is lying. It's interesting, when it comes to a little white lie, it's very hard to detect deception, because they are not gonna be nervous about it because they just doing it to be nice to you. (That's right!) So they are not gonna exhibit some of the signs. Some of the harder lies that are abrupt to you, it's kinda labeling hard lies, where it's to benefit myself or to cut time to others, or something like that. Those are really easy to detect.(So what can help we tell them? ) Some other things are, I called the "Noes". like friends of new asked me and said: "Hey,Jennie.Do you ever cheat on you husband ?"I go "No ".And it's a real fast no or the NO---- It that a lie of the long "no"? They are all hot spots, they are called, how about this "no", NO, (Right) and they close their eye or the no no no no no. (Okay) These are different verbal indicators, so you can look for that someone is lying. What about someone said that I know when you blink your eyes a lot , is that another, is that another (sign/ hot spot)...? Well my rule of thumb is you wanna watch out from when you deviate from someone's normal behavior from talking like this, and my/ bellybutton is facing you, I am giving you my attention, you ask me if I've ever robbed a bank, all of a sudden my body turns, I'm giving you what I call the cold shoulder, that's a hot spot. Someone told me when I was doing interviews with people who are accused of crimes. They said if people looked down and left, they are lying. No don't believe the high, hold up, don't believe the high. But you know there are certain kind artist that feel very comfortable lie, (Right, sometime!) because your are right, what you are detecting is a person's fear level, not whether they are lying or not. Robbie, what do you do if you catch someone you know lying to you , would you confront them as if something you think you should go along with … I think it depends on the relationship, but here's a sad thing in close relationship, sometimes people will lie to each other, but if you really care about the person and you wanna get the relationship back on track, you can say: Listen! you are not telling me the truth, I wanna us to have an open relationship, well we can be honest with one and other. Alright! Robbie , Janine thank you guys both very much. Thank you! |
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