Unit 5 Home and Family
Waiting(E)
Mr.and Mrs.Clark decided to separateBefore being allowed to do so legallythe Family Court insisted they undergo some counselingfrom the marriage counselorto see if their union could be savedThe counselor did her hest,but it didn't work.
Mr.and Mrs.Clark made up their minds to go through with the separationleading to divorceFinally,the counselor said,"But you're 95 and your wife is 93.
You've been married for 72 years!Why do you want to separate now?"Mr.Clark replied:
"We haven't been able to stand each other for the last 46 years.
But we thought we should wait until all the children died before we split up."Thanksgiving(M)Mr.Hunter calls his son in Boston.
The old man says,"Son,I hate to bring you the bad news...
but your mother and I,we are getting a divorceThe son is surprised,"What?You can't!"Mr.Hunter says,"I'm sorry,son!Forty-five years of misery is enough!
Now,I am sick of talking about it,call your sister and tell her!"And he hangs up.
The son,nearly in tears,calls his sister in New York,"Sis,"he says,"you're not going to believe this!Mom and dad are getting a...a...divorce!""What?!"she shouts on the phone"Oh,no.They aren't!You stay put.I'll call you right back!"And she hangs up.
The sister calls the parents in Los Angels,"You two are not getting a divorce"Mr.Hunter says,"Honey,listen..."The daughter says,"No,you listen!You are not getting a divorce!
You know what?You don't do anything!I'm calling brother back.
We'll be there tomorrow!Don't do anything."And she hangs up.
Mr.Hunter hangs uup calmly,looks at Mrs.Hunter,and says,"Well, they are coming for Thanksgiving and are paying their own fares.
What shall we tell them on Christmas?"Angry Wife(D)Jim and Frank are having fun in a party one nightwhen jim looks at Frank and says,"I have to get home,or my wife is going to kill me."Frank says,"What?Are you kidding me?My wife lets me do whatever I want."Jim says,"I know,I know,"embarrassed that his wife controls himHe continues,"I try to sneak past her every timeI drive really slowly down the streetand turn the headlights off 100 yards short my drivewayFifty feet shortI turn off the engine so that I can coast in.
I shut the car door gently,open the front door to the house quietlytake off my boots so I can go up the stairs in my socksand sneak through the bedroom door and he sat up all night watching me."But as soon as I hit the bed ,she is up screaming at me."Frank laughs and replies,"There is your problem.
Let me tell you what I do.Every time I go home late at night,I drive fast down my street,bump into the garage door and slam the car door shut.
Then I kick open the front door,stomp up the stairs,swing the bedroom door open,and jump up on the bed.
Then I shout to my wife,'Hey,honey,where's my dinner?'
She's sleeping every time I say it." |