访谈录 2009-05-11&05-13 Ellen秀母亲节特别节目（在线收听）

Oh, come on, you know you wanna sit down. You gotta...or maybe it's more comfortable for some of you to be standing. This is our Mother's Day show. Welcome, everybody. Our audience is filled with pregnant moms for the very first time. Right? (Yeah.) Very first time.

Oh, boy! And you are pregnant, right? I’ve made a mistake before and it was very embarrassing with another audience. And I'm sorry. So some of you are further along than others, some people are just wandering, and the line for the bathroom is very long back there. Usually we don't allow people to get up during the show and go to bathroom but that's totally acceptable on this show. But we have a ready-to-pop section over there and so we have an EMT standing by in case anybody goes into contractions. Just raise your hand and we'll get to you during the commercial break. So I think we have time with stuff like that.

So then there is a, next to the ready-to-pop section, we also have a oopsy-daisy section, which is usually where my mama sits. But she is not here, and it’s not coz she is not pregnant as far as I know. And that's as far as I wanna know. Happy Mother's Day, Mama. I love ya. And all of you who are the first-time pregnant moms, that's, uh, that's a lot to prepare for. I will tell you that right now. I don't wanna all of a sudden scare you. But over the next 25 years, you’re gonna have to ask questions you've never asked before like from all the way from "Who needs to go party?” to “You got what pierced?” “Where is that?" And Portia and I got some exiting news today we’re expecting.

Thank you very much. Thank you. I know, thank you. I am so excited. Thank you very much. I'm excited. Yeah, we are expecting our couch to be delivered today. I've been waiting for 6 weeks. They make him and you're like" When is he gonna come?" You got all over so excited I can't believe. I guess I'll have a baby if you want me to have one so bad. There was a poll, that's funny that you are so excited for us, because there was a poll conducted by ParentDish.com. And Portia and I were just voted the No.1 celebrity couple that they would trust leaving their kids with, not just couple but the No.1 celebrity. There were 10,000 moms polled and we were ahead of Jennifer Aniston, Brad and Angelina, Oprah. And so I'm flattered that all of you think that we are the ones you wanna leave kids with. But here’s the thing. Before you start dropping you kids off at our house like it's a daycare, I wanna tell you what I know about babies. And I know which end you feed, I do know that. I know up from down, I know front from back on the boy ones. And that's all I know. That's all I know.

If I could, I would help every mother out there. There is hardly a day that goes by that I don't think of mothers and their sacrifices, but also there is hardly a day that goes by that I'm not drunk by noon. So something to think about before you call us to babysit. Plus everything in our house, you got a baby-proof that everything in our house is made of shards of glass and twisted metal. So, but today's show is for all of you and if you need anything, let us know. If you need a snack, go ahead. If you’re, you know, you are eating for two, and we understand that. And just remember you are also dancing for two.