访谈录 2010-02-09&02-11 老爸老妈,你们是否该停车了（在线收听）

Our new series: Mum and Dad, We Need To Talk. It is the dreaded conversation started for adults children who find themselves in a difficult position as caregivers of our parents as they get older.  Well, today's topic is driving. How do you know when it's time to ask your parents for their car keys and how do you go about doing it? Let’s start with an example about how not to do it from the show ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’.

 -You are right, you are right, he shouldn't be driving the kids, he shouldn't be driving at all.

-What are you blubbering about?

-You,you,you are a terrible driver.

-I am a great driver.

-Dad, we almost got hit.

-It was in my blind spot.

-A 20-car funeral procession? Dad,that's not blind spot, Dad, it's west.

-So with more on the right way to talk to our parents about this.This is, gee, a life and family contributor Lee Woudruff, you do live life with that big family like Peter's?
-No, lots going on.

-This really hit home for you,didn't it?

-Well, we are the sandwich generation. So I still have the kids at home and I still have the parents that we need to help along. It's tough, it's a hard time, it's a loss too. This is a really big issue because driving is independence for our parents and for us and so there is a lot to deal with here.

-And is this  for your dad a couple of years ago that you...

-My dad too, yeah, and your mum as well. We can talk about that in a minute, but I love that clip because it really is not the way to do it.

-It's not. So what are… but first of all, our sides, what do we look for as the kids to know like maybe it's time to, and you say, hang up the keys, make it possible…

-Hang up the keys. I did a lot research on this and talked to folks at ARP. They really say we've to change the way we have this conversation. It's not take away the keys or give up the keys. It's hang up the keys, and what that does is really helps our parents feel like they are part of the decision. And this is a conversation you need to have earlier or before it really becomes an issue. But the signs really are, and when you go to our website you'd see this, but for example close calls. If your parents say to you well I got lost I went to the circle, can you believe I went down the wrong road, or dings and dents, that maybe you don't remember how they got on the car. And I know your mum lives on herself,and she is not local to you but we're possible make a visit and try to drive with your parents so you can see with your own eyes’ experience how they are driving.

-She would pick me up from the airport when I come and  visit, and that's how I would kind of judge how she was doing, but it was,you know, she is 85 now and it's about independent. She don't want to give up that independence, it's so, it’s so difficult.

-One of the things that ARP says, I think this is brilliant, is come to them with solutions and there are so many ways to have the conversation. I think one of the most important things to do is figure out who is the best person to tell, you folks. And 50% of people would rather hear this from their spouse. They’d rather hear their wife or their husband say, 'Honey, let's talk about our driving.' The next most popular is the physician and then the third really are the adult children, because of course they still have terms in year that all their son being a parent..