A man handed a pair of slacks to the department-store clerk. "I'd like these altered, please," he said. The clerk asked for the sales receipt, but after searching his pockets, the man replied he had l...
A married couple, both avid golfers, were discussing the future one night. "Honey," the wife said, "if I were to die and you were to remarry, would you two live in this house?" "I suppose so-it's paid...
I bought some pears at my local supermarket. At the checkout counter the cashier commented, "Oh, dear, I've charged you for plums instead of pears." "What's the difference?" I asked. "Well," she said,...
"You'll have to take care of the baby today," a woman told her husband . " I'm not feeling well." "Then you must stay in bed and rest, dear. " her husband said. "I'll be pleased to look after our baby...
The woman ahead of me in a long line at the department of motor vehicles was reading a paperback romance novel. I inched along behind her and when her turn finally came, she stepped aside, saying "You...
My roommate was interested in a young man in her English-literature class, but she was too shy to let him know. One day she overheard him say he was on his way to the library for a certain book. She r...
A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect mate: ' I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports and enjoys group activities. " Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin. " Note...
The great novelist had gone mad, but now there seemed to be some hope for his recovery. For six months, he had been sitting at his typewriter pounding out a novel. Finally, he pronounced it completed...
My teen-age daughter was preparing to return home after having visited her grandparents for a few weeks one summer. Her grandfather gave her 12 post cards . "Here, write us a few lines every month," h...
One day shortly after I had come home from college, my father was outside doing yard work. He found a baby bird under a tree and assumed it had fallen from its nest. Wanting to return the tiny creatur...
