Kind Words to Say at a Funeral

 

Have you ever felt uneasy¹ at a funeral because you weren’t sure what to say to the grieving² family? Not to worry. Many people experience this. On today’s Ask a Teacher, Xuan from Vietnam asks:

Question:

"Dear VOA, how can I express my sympathy [at a] funeral? Thanks!" -Xuan, Vietnam

Answer:

Dear Xuan,

I am so sorry for your loss.

That is one example of a common and caring thing you can say.

In Western culture, people traditionally show sympathy at funerals in two ways: by giving flowers and by offering kind words to the people most affected³ by the death.

Flowers or plants

To show sympathy before or after a funeral, many people have flowers or a plant delivered to the grieving family. Other people bring flowers to the funeral itself.

But some families may ask people to give money to a charity they identify instead.

If the family says what they want, it’s important to follow their wishes.

Expressing sympathy

Next, even though it feels uncomfortable, always speak to the family of the deceased at a funeral, memorial or visitation. Avoid saying more than necessary. You need only a few simple and caring words.

Here are some choices:

I am so sorry for your loss. Your [mother / husband] was loved by many.

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

I wish I had the right words. Just know that I care.

I don’t know how you feel but I’m here to help in any way I can.

My favorite memory of your [mother / husband] is…

What not to say

There are also a few things to avoid saying at funerals. Here are some examples:

[She / he] is in a better place now.

You will feel better soon.

At least [he / she] lived a long life.

At least [he / she] didn’t suffer much.

God only gives you what you can handle.

Though your intentions are good, such comments may be received as uncaring or insensitive.

It’s almost never easy to express sympathy to a person or family for the loss of their loved one. But it is usually worse to say nothing. And saying some of the kind words you learned⁴ today will likely be appreciated more than you know.

And that’s Ask a Teacher.

I’m Alice Bryant.

Words in This Story

charity – n. an organization that helps people who are poor, sick or otherwise in need

memorial – n. a ceremony that honors⁵ a person who has died

visitation – n. a time before a dead person is buried when people may view the body

handle – v. to deal with a person or situation successfully

intention – n. an aim or purpose

1 uneasy   

adj.心神不安的，担心的，令人不安的

参考例句：

• He feels uneasy today.他今天心里感到不安。
• She had an uneasy feeling that they were still following her.她有一种他们仍在跟踪她的不安感觉。

2 grieving   

感到悲痛，伤心( grieve的现在分词 )； 使…伤心

参考例句：

• They are still grieving for their dead child. 他们还在为死去的孩子伤心。
• The news brought no solace to the grieving relations. 这个消息并未给悲痛的家属带来什么安慰。

3 affected   

adj.不自然的，假装的

参考例句：

• She showed an affected interest in our subject.她假装对我们的课题感到兴趣。
• His manners are affected.他的态度不自然。

4 learned   

adj.有学问的，博学的；learn的过去式和过去分词

参考例句：

• He went into a rage when he learned about it.他听到这事后勃然大怒。
• In this little village,he passed for a learned man.在这个小村子里，他被视为有学问的人。

5 honors   

n.礼仪；荣典；礼节； 大学荣誉学位；大学优等成绩；尊敬( honor的名词复数 )；敬意；荣誉；光荣

参考例句：

• He aims at honors. 他力求名誉。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• We did the last honors to his remains. 我们向他的遗体告别。 来自《简明英汉词典》