美国国家公共电台 NPR--Making friends is easy when you're young, but it can be harder as you age

Making friends is easy when you're young, but it can be harder as you age

Transcript¹

NPR's Life Kit² offers tips on building and maintaining friendships from a psychologist who compiled a how-to guide for navigating³ them. (Story first aired on All Things Considered on Sept. 10, 2022.)

A MART?NEZ, HOST:

Psychologist Marisa Franco is on a crusade to help people become better friends. In her book, "Platonic," she writes that friendship is just as important to finding happiness and well-being⁴ as romantic and family ties. Kavitha George with NPR's Life Kit sat down with Franco to learn how to find new friends and deepen existing friendships.

KAVITHA GEORGE, BYLINE⁵: When was the last time you made a new friend? As adults especially, whether you've just moved to a new city or fallen out of touch with old pals⁶, it can feel like new friends don't just naturally fall into your life anymore.

MARISA FRANCO: Yeah. So here's what I would say. Don't assume friendship happens organically because, according to the research, that's related to being more lonely over time. So you can have to assume you have to try.

GEORGE: Marisa Franco has spent years researching friendships and compiled a how-to guide for navigating them. When you're looking for new friends, she says, seek out situations where you'll be in repeated contact with the same people. Instead of attending a networking event, join a professional development group that meets regularly. And remember, it's normal for things to feel awkward the first time you go. Don't be discouraged, she says, because we tend to underestimate how much people like us. People are a lot less likely to reject you than you think they are.

FRANCO: And then I would say, shoot your shot, which just looks like, hey, it's been so great to talk to you. I'd love to connect further. Do you mind if we exchange contact information? And reach out.

GEORGE: Once you've made a friend, there are a lot of ways you can start to deepen your friendship. Franco recommends practicing vulnerability with friends. And that doesn't have to mean sharing something painful or challenging. Think about what feels personal to you. Vulnerability tells your friend you trust them. And it helps build a deeper bond.

FRANCO: And this may not sound vulnerable, but it actually is kind of vulnerable for people. And that is sharing your joy with someone, sharing something, like, positive or an accomplishment⁷ that you're really proud of with someone. Sharing affection with people can also feel vulnerable, like telling someone something you like about them or something they said that really resonated with you.

GEORGE: Being generous is another way to show you're invested in your friendship. And make it personal. Franco recommends turning the skills and talents you already have into a generous act. Like if you're a great cook, offer to make a meal for your friend when they've had a hectic⁸ week at work. And last, remember that friendships aren't always easy. Conflict is a normal and healthy part of being friends. It can be tempting⁹ to push issues aside to preserve the peace, but Franco says that just creates the illusion that everything's going great.

FRANCO: The psychoanalyst Virginia Goldner, she talks about the difference between flaccid safety and dynamic safety. Flaccid safety is we feel safe because nobody brings up any issues. Dynamic safety is we feel safe because we rupture¹⁰ and repair, and we rupture and repair. And we know that if problems come up, we can actually work on them and still feel, like, intimate and connected.

GEORGE: When you're raising an issue with a friend, start by telling them how much you value their friendship. It signals that the reason you're bringing it up is because you're invested. Share how you feel using I statements like, I felt hurt when you bailed¹¹ on their plans last minute. Ask for your friend's experience of the situation. And you can also describe what changes you'd like to see in your relationship in the future. But don't be too proud to admit where you've made mistakes, too. Like any relationship, friendship takes time, work and a fair amount of courage. But with practice, Franco says, it's also one of the best sources of connection and fulfillment you can find.

For NPR News, I'm Kavitha George.

(SOUNDBITE OF JOHNATHON FORD'S "GODFORSAKEN")

1 transcript   

n.抄本，誊本，副本，肄业证书

参考例句：

• A transcript of the tapes was presented as evidence in court.一份录音带的文字本作为证据被呈交法庭。
• They wouldn't let me have a transcript of the interview.他们拒绝给我一份采访的文字整理稿。

2 kit   

n.用具包，成套工具；随身携带物

参考例句：

• The kit consisted of about twenty cosmetic items.整套工具包括大约20种化妆用品。
• The captain wants to inspect your kit.船长想检查你的行装。

3 navigating   

v.给（船舶、飞机等）引航，导航( navigate的现在分词 )；（从海上、空中等）横越；横渡；飞跃

参考例句：

• These can also be very useful when navigating time-based documents, such as video and audio. 它对于和时间有关的文档非常有用，比如视频和音频文档。 来自About Face 3交互设计精髓
• Vehicles slowed to a crawl on city roads, navigating slushy snow. 汽车在市区路上行驶缓慢，穿越泥泞的雪地。 来自互联网

4 well-being   

n.安康，安乐，幸福

参考例句：

• He always has the well-being of the masses at heart.他总是把群众的疾苦挂在心上。
• My concern for their well-being was misunderstood as interference.我关心他们的幸福，却被误解为多管闲事。

5 byline   

n.署名；v.署名

参考例句：

• His byline was absent as well.他的署名也不见了。
• We wish to thank the author of this article which carries no byline.我们要感谢这篇文章的那位没有署名的作者。

6 pals   

n.朋友( pal的名词复数 )；老兄；小子；（对男子的不友好的称呼）家伙

参考例句：

• We've been pals for years. 我们是多年的哥们儿了。
• CD 8 positive cells remarkably increased in PALS and RP(P CD8+细胞在再生脾PALS和RP内均明显增加(P 来自互联网

7 accomplishment   

n.完成，成就，（pl.）造诣，技能

参考例句：

• The series of paintings is quite an accomplishment.这一系列的绘画真是了不起的成就。
• Money will be crucial to the accomplishment of our objectives.要实现我们的目标，钱是至关重要的。

8 hectic   

adj.肺病的；消耗热的；发热的；闹哄哄的

参考例句：

• I spent a very hectic Sunday.我度过了一个忙乱的星期天。
• The two days we spent there were enjoyable but hectic.我们在那里度过的两天愉快但闹哄哄的。

9 tempting   

a.诱人的, 吸引人的

参考例句：

• It is tempting to idealize the past. 人都爱把过去的日子说得那么美好。
• It was a tempting offer. 这是个诱人的提议。

10 rupture   

n.破裂；(关系的)决裂；v.(使)破裂

参考例句：

• I can rupture a rule for a friend.我可以为朋友破一次例。
• The rupture of a blood vessel usually cause the mark of a bruise.血管的突然破裂往往会造成外伤的痕迹。

11 bailed   

保释，帮助脱离困境( bail的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• Fortunately the pilot bailed out before the plane crashed. 飞机坠毁之前，驾驶员幸运地跳伞了。
• Some water had been shipped and the cook bailed it out. 船里进了些水，厨师把水舀了出去。