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58.

I stuffed my Bergen full of dusty clothes, plus two souvenirs: a rug bought in a bazaar¹, a 30-mmshell casing from the Apache.

The first week of 2013.

Before I could get onto the plane with my fellow soldiers I went into a tent and sat in the oneempty chair.

The obligatory² exit interview.

The chosen reporter asked what I’d done in Afghanistan.

I told him.

He asked if I’d fired on the enemy.

What? Yes.

His head went back. Surprised.

What did he think we were doing over here? Selling magazine subscriptions³?

He asked if I’d killed anyone.

Yes…

Again, surprised.

I tried to explain: It’s a war, mate, you know?

The conversation came around to the press. I told the reporter that I thought the British presswas crap, particularly with regard to my brother and sister-in-law, who’d just announced that theywere pregnant, and were subsequently being besieged⁴.

They deserve to have their baby in peace, I said.

I admitted that my father had begged me to stop thinking about the press, to not read thepapers. I admitted that I felt guilty every time I did, because it made me complicit. Everyone’sguilty for buying the newspapers. But hopefully no one actually believes what’s in them.

But of course they did. People did believe, and that was the whole problem. Britons, amongthe most literate⁵ people on the planet, were also the most credulous⁶. Even if they didn’t believeevery word, there was always that residue⁷ of wonder. Hmm, where there’s smoke there must befire…Even if a falsehood was disproved, debunked⁸ beyond all doubt, that residue of initial beliefremained.

Especially if the falsehood was negative. Of all human biases⁹, “negativity bias” is the mostindelible. It’s baked into our brains. Privilege the negative, prioritize the negative—that’s how ourancestors survived. That’s what the bloody¹⁰ papers count on, I wanted to say.

But didn’t. It wasn’t that kind of discussion. Wasn’t a discussion at all. The reporter was keento move on, to ask about Vegas.

Naughty Harry¹¹, eh? Hooray Harry.

I felt a mix of complicated emotions about saying goodbye to Afghanistan, but I couldn’t waitto say goodbye to this chap.

First, I flew with my squadron to Cyprus, for what the Army called “decompression.” I hadn’thad any mandated¹² decompression after my last tour, so I was excited, though not as much as mybodyguards. Finally! We can have a bloody cold beer!

Everyone was issued exactly two cans. No more. I didn’t like beer, so I handed mine over to asoldier who looked like he needed it more than me. He reacted as if I’d given him a Rolex.

We were then taken to a comedy show. Attendance was quasi-mandatory. Whoever organizedit had had good intentions: a bit of levity¹³ after a tour of hell. And, to be fair, some of us did laugh.

But most didn’t. We were struggling and didn’t know we were struggling. We had memories toprocess, mental wounds to heal, existential questions to sort. (We’d been told that a padre wasavailable if we needed to talk, but I remember no one going near him.) So we just sat at thecomedy show in the same way we’d sat in the VHR tent. In a state of suspended animation¹⁴.

Waiting.

I felt bad for those comedians¹⁵. One tough gig.

Before we left Cyprus someone told me I was all over the papers.

Oh yeah?

The interview.

Shit. I’d completely forgotten.

Apparently¹⁶ I’d caused quite a stir by admitting that I’d killed people. In a war.

I was criticized up and down for being…a killer¹⁷?

And being blithe¹⁸ about it.

I’d mentioned, in passing, that the Apache controls were reminiscent of video-game controls.

And thus:

Harry compares killing¹⁹ to video game!

I threw down the paper. Where was that padre?

 

1 bazaar   

n.集市，商店集中区

参考例句：

• Chickens,goats and rabbits were offered for barter at the bazaar.在集市上，鸡、山羊和兔子被摆出来作物物交换之用。
• We bargained for a beautiful rug in the bazaar.我们在集市通过讨价还价买到了一条很漂亮的地毯。

2 obligatory   

adj.强制性的，义务的，必须的

参考例句：

• It is obligatory for us to obey the laws.我们必须守法。
• It is obligatory on every citizen to safeguard our great motherland.保卫我们伟大的祖国是每一个公民应尽的义务。

3 subscriptions   

n.（报刊等的）订阅费( subscription的名词复数 )；捐款；（俱乐部的）会员费；捐助

参考例句：

• Subscriptions to these magazines can be paid in at the post office. 这些杂志的订阅费可以在邮局缴纳。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Payment of subscriptions should be made to the club secretary. 会费应交给俱乐部秘书。 来自《简明英汉词典》

4 besieged   

包围，围困，围攻( besiege的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• Paris was besieged for four months and forced to surrender. 巴黎被围困了四个月后被迫投降。
• The community besieged the newspaper with letters about its recent editorial. 公众纷纷来信对报社新近发表的社论提出诘问，弄得报社应接不暇。

5 literate   

n.学者；adj.精通文学的，受过教育的

参考例句：

• Only a few of the nation's peasants are literate.这个国家的农民中只有少数人能识字。
• A literate person can get knowledge through reading many books.一个受过教育的人可以通过读书而获得知识。

6 credulous   

adj.轻信的，易信的

参考例句：

• You must be credulous if she fooled you with that story.连她那种话都能把你骗倒，你一定是太容易相信别人了。
• Credulous attitude will only make you take anything for granted.轻信的态度只会使你想当然。

7 residue   

n.残余，剩余，残渣

参考例句：

• Mary scraped the residue of food from the plates before putting them under water.玛丽在把盘子放入水之前先刮去上面的食物残渣。
• Pesticide persistence beyond the critical period for control leads to residue problems.农药一旦超过控制的临界期，就会导致残留问题。

8 debunked   

v.揭穿真相，暴露( debunk的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• His theories have been debunked by recent research. 最近的研究揭穿了他的理论的真相。
• Some advertising slogans should be debunked. 某些夸大的广告用语应予揭露。 来自《简明英汉词典》

9 biases   

偏见( bias的名词复数 )； 偏爱； 特殊能力； 斜纹

参考例句：

• Stereotypes represent designer or researcher biases and assumptions, rather than factual data. 它代表设计师或者研究者的偏见和假设，而不是实际的数据。 来自About Face 3交互设计精髓
• The net effect of biases on international comparisons is easily summarized. 偏差对国际比较的基本影响容易概括。

10 bloody   

adj.非常的的；流血的；残忍的；adv.很；vt.血染

参考例句：

• He got a bloody nose in the fight.他在打斗中被打得鼻子流血。
• He is a bloody fool.他是一个十足的笨蛋。

11 harry   

vt.掠夺，蹂躏，使苦恼

参考例句：

• Today,people feel more hurried and harried.今天，人们感到更加忙碌和苦恼。
• Obama harried business by Healthcare Reform plan.奥巴马用医改掠夺了商界。

12 mandated   

adj. 委托统治的

参考例句：

• Mandated desegregation of public schools. 命令解除公立学校中的种族隔离
• Britain was mandated to govern the former colony of German East Africa. 英国受权代管德国在东非的前殖民地。

13 levity   

n.轻率，轻浮，不稳定，多变

参考例句：

• His remarks injected a note of levity into the proceedings.他的话将一丝轻率带入了议事过程中。
• At the time,Arnold had disapproved of such levity.那时候的阿诺德对这种轻浮行为很看不惯。

14 animation   

n.活泼，兴奋，卡通片／动画片的制作

参考例句：

• They are full of animation as they talked about their childhood.当他们谈及童年的往事时都非常兴奋。
• The animation of China made a great progress.中国的卡通片制作取得很大发展。

15 comedians   

n.喜剧演员，丑角( comedian的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• The voice was rich, lordly, Harvardish, like all the boring radio comedians'imitations. 声音浑厚、威严，俨然是哈佛出身的气派，就跟无线电里所有的滑稽演员叫人已经听腻的模仿完全一样。 来自辞典例句
• He distracted them by joking and imitating movie and radio comedians. 他用开玩笑的方法或者模仿电影及广播中的滑稽演员来对付他们。 来自辞典例句

16 apparently   

adv.显然地；表面上，似乎

参考例句：

• An apparently blind alley leads suddenly into an open space.山穷水尽，豁然开朗。
• He was apparently much surprised at the news.他对那个消息显然感到十分惊异。

17 killer   

n.杀人者，杀人犯，杀手，屠杀者

参考例句：

• Heart attacks have become Britain's No.1 killer disease.心脏病已成为英国的头号致命疾病。
• The bulk of the evidence points to him as her killer.大量证据证明是他杀死她的。

18 blithe   

adj.快乐的，无忧无虑的

参考例句：

• Tonight,however,she was even in a blithe mood than usual.但是，今天晚上她比往常还要高兴。
• He showed a blithe indifference to her feelings.他显得毫不顾及她的感情。

19 killing   

n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财

参考例句：

• Investors are set to make a killing from the sell-off.投资者准备清仓以便大赚一笔。
• Last week my brother made a killing on Wall Street.上个周我兄弟在华尔街赚了一大笔。