Does Criticism Do More Harm Than Good to People?

Lesson 4

               Does Criticism Do More Harm Than Good to People?

                                         Text

                       A Yoang Woman Who Fears Compliments

    Marya, a brilliant graduate student in her early twenties who came for consultation¹, insisted that she could improve only with criticism. Her reasoning was that she knew the good qualities but that she did not know the bad ones. To have more knowledge of her negative qualities, she believed,would add to her self-understanding and thus enable her to see herself more completely. Marya, in effect, refused to acknowledge and to understand her strengths. She had assembled detailed² lists of her negative qualities which she used daily to support an extremely negative view of herself . But they were either exaggerated or unreal.

    Despite her attractiveness to others, she convinced herself that she was ugly. When her family bought her new and well-designed articles of clothing (she seldom. bought any herself ), she left them hanging in the closet for weeks before wearing them once. When someone complimented her on what she wore and asked whether it was new, she could honestly answer no. She did not "deserve" to wear new clothes. She could not bear the pain of hearing compliments, of seeing herself as intelIigent, pretty, or worthwhile.

    As a child, Marya had received little or no criticism from her parents. She was prized by them. Their major disappointment in her apparently³ was that she often rejected their overtures⁴ of kindness and appreciation⁵, not in anger but in embarrassment⁶, as though she were undeserving. This seemingly mild-mannered young woman, exceptionally courteous⁷ and considerate to others, held onto her own negative selfjudgment with tenacity⁹. Finally, friends and interested faculty¹⁰ members quit acceding¹¹ to her persuasive¹² requests for criticism that they could not honestly give. Instead, they gently but firmly confronted her with her own blindness to what she truly was like.

II . Read
    Read the following passages. Underline the important viewpoints while reading.

                             l. Unfair Criticism
    Stuart is a typical sixteen-year-old boy who experienced and suffered from the criticism of an alcoholic¹³ parent. It seemed to 5tuart the only thing his father ever had to say to him was, "You haven't got a brain in your head. ?Stuart was a sophomore¹⁴ in high school. It was true he was a poor student, or what his dean called an "underachiever".

 Even though Stuart knew he was an underachiever, he would have liked to hear his father say, just once, something else when he brought home his report card other than his usual, "You haven't got a brain in your head."
Stuart was determined¹⁵ to prove to his father he did have a brain in his head. Stuart studied very hard. Some nights it was difficult for him to concentrate on his homework because he could hear his parents bickering¹⁶ in the next room.

    "You forgot to pay the mortgage again. The bank is fed up."
    "How many times can a person smash up a car? I , m sucprised they haven't taken your license¹⁷ away! "
    "If you wouldn't drink so much . . . "
    Stuart didn't like the bickering, and wondered if his parents might separate. He wondered, too, because his father was so forgetful about paying the bills, if they might lose their home.
    He kept telling himself that if he studied hard, maybe, by some miracle, things would get better at home.

    Stuart's determination to concentrate on his school work, in spite of the bickering and worries at home, paid off. His next report card showed a marked improvement. There was even a    personal note of praise from his dean written on the report card.
    Proudly Stuart put the report card on his father's desk. Stuart felt happier than he had felt in a long time. He knew that his father could only be pleased with such a report, but more important, maybe now his father would realize that he was intelligent and would start paying some attention to him.

 Stuart could remember when his father used to go to ballgames and movies with him. Who knew? Maybe things would go back to the way they used to be. Stuart would offer to get a part-time job to help pay off some of the bills. He thought that might lessen¹⁸ some of the arguing at home and keep the family from breaking up. He would lat his father know that he was old enough to understand things weren't always easy at the office.

    When Stuart's father came home and saw the report, he said without any hesitation¹⁹, "Well, well, who did the work for you? I know you don't have the brains to do it! "
    Stuart was stunned²⁰. All that work for nothing! He wouldn't be surprised if his father not only thought he was stupid but hated him, too.
    Stuart would not have been as hurt if he had only known his father was tied up in his own miserable²¹ feelings. This kept him from recognizing what Stuart had accomplished²² in school.

 

                             2. Uses of Criticism
    While some of us have a tendency to disbelieve or to minimize the good things people say about us, others among us have a tendency to hold a protective web around ourselves in defense²³ against criticism. One workshop participant said, "I confuse the issue by getting logical in the face of threatening reactions. Sometimes I act helpless so others will stop the criticism. ?Early in the workshop experience he had received more negative than positive reactions. While he was fearful of criticism, he found that he had courted it, hoping that he could learn how to handle it and overcome his fear.

    We may court negative reactions for other reasons. A therapy group member regarded criticism as more useful than compliments, and criticism is what he often got-not because he asked for it directly, but because of his detached manner, as though he were sitting in judgment⁸ of others. Moreover, his tendency to qualify and hedge his opinions and feelings until they had no meaning often brought down the ire of others upon him. He gave the impression of accepting their displeasure stoically, as though it strengthened him. He never openly criticized other members, however.

    Still another member, who claimed that"criticism is the stuff that we grow on? gave others criticism galore so they could improve and, in his words, "not appear in a negative light in the future." This member came across as using his ostensible²⁴ concern for the growth of others as an excuse to criticize and attack them.

 

             3. Is It Right to Withhold²⁵ One's Reactions to Others?
    It is not uncommon²⁶ for us to withhold our reactions to others. We may hold back compliments for fear of embarrassment to them and to ourselves. We may hold back criticism for fear of being disliked or considered unfair, or for fear of hurting another person. Reactions given inconsiderately may indeed hurt others. On the other hand, some of us are inclined to withhold our reactions from others while at the same time we honestly prefer that they not hold back theirs from us.

We may have two different rules. The first one may be: If we ask others for candid²⁷ reactions to our behavior, to something we have done or plan to do, we want them to tell us straight, including the negative with the positive. The second rule may be: If someone else asks us for similar reactions, we are inclined to hold back or gloss²⁸ over the negative and embroider²⁹ the positive.

 

              4. Criticism Is a Kind of Demand on Those Criticized
    As children, many of us got a great deal of criticism and, as a result, learned a variety of patterns for coping with it. Marya had apparently received little criticism, but, knowing that she was not perfect and deserved what other children got, developed her own patterns of selfjudgment and censure³⁰. Being judged, whether we are underestimated or overestimated³¹, usually implies a demand, subtle or direct, that we change. If others do not demand change, we may feel the need to demand it of ourselves.

     Reactions that are relatively³² free from attempts to change or discredit³³ us, given by someone who cares for us, and with the intention of letting us know what impressions we are making, may be easier to take. If, however, our usual reaction is to defend ourselves, even mild criticism or impressions given gently without demands that we change may play havoc³⁴ with our defensive³⁵ structure and beccnne difficult to handle.

 

                            5. How to Handle Criticism
    The surgeon reached over and jerked the syringe out of the nurse,s hand. "Jane, that's the sloppiest³⁶ injection I've ever seen!" he snapped. Quickly, his fingers found the vein³⁷ she had been searching for. Cheeks burning, Jane turned away. ~Ten years later, Jane's voice still trembles when she relates the experience.
    Some of our male co-workers have it easier. They grew up encouraged
to play team sports, and they had to handle a coach's yells when they droppped the ball. Now they can see that a goof³⁸ on the job is like dropping the ball in football; the fumble³⁹ is embarrassing, but you take it in stride and go on.

    But for most women, the path to success was different. As girls, we grew up wanting to be popular; we were praised for what we were, not for what we did. So our reaction to criticism is often, "Someone doesn't like me. I failed to please. I'm a failure."
    "I get defensive," says Rhonda, a teacher, "When someone criticizes me, suddenly I'm a little girl again, being scolded, and I want to make excuses. I want to explain that it's not my fault-it's someone else's, or I want to hide and cry."

 

                            6. Take a Tactful Approach
    How about giving criticism? The old "I-want-to-be-liked" syndrome⁴⁰ can make it as hard to give criticism as to take it. Karen thinks she's found the answer.
    "Two weeks after I was promoted to first-line supervisor," she remembers, "I had to tell a friend that she was in trouble for not turning in her weekly reports on time. My boss suggested that I tell Judy I didn't want to fix the blame-I just wanted to fix the problem. That was wonderful advice. It allowed me to state the problem objectively to Judy and she olfered the solution."

    Criticism in the workplace, whether you're giving it or getting it, is always more effective when you focus on the task rather than on the person. Fixing the problem, not thc?blame, means that nobody has to feel chewed out or chewed up. We can still feel whole and learn something in the process.

1 consultation   

n.咨询；商量；商议；会议

参考例句：

• The company has promised wide consultation on its expansion plans.该公司允诺就其扩展计划广泛征求意见。
• The scheme was developed in close consultation with the local community.该计划是在同当地社区密切磋商中逐渐形成的。

2 detailed   

adj.详细的，详尽的，极注意细节的，完全的

参考例句：

• He had made a detailed study of the terrain.他对地形作了缜密的研究。
• A detailed list of our publications is available on request.我们的出版物有一份详细的目录备索。

3 apparently   

adv.显然地；表面上，似乎

参考例句：

• An apparently blind alley leads suddenly into an open space.山穷水尽，豁然开朗。
• He was apparently much surprised at the news.他对那个消息显然感到十分惊异。

4 overtures   

n.主动的表示，提议；（向某人做出的）友好表示、姿态或提议( overture的名词复数 )；（歌剧、芭蕾舞、音乐剧等的）序曲，前奏曲

参考例句：

• Their government is making overtures for peace. 他们的政府正在提出和平建议。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He had lately begun to make clumsy yet endearing overtures of friendship. 最近他开始主动表示友好，样子笨拙却又招人喜爱。 来自辞典例句

5 appreciation   

n.评价；欣赏；感谢；领会，理解；价格上涨

参考例句：

• I would like to express my appreciation and thanks to you all.我想对你们所有人表达我的感激和谢意。
• I'll be sending them a donation in appreciation of their help.我将送给他们一笔捐款以感谢他们的帮助。

6 embarrassment   

n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫

参考例句：

• She could have died away with embarrassment.她窘迫得要死。
• Coughing at a concert can be a real embarrassment.在音乐会上咳嗽真会使人难堪。

7 courteous   

adj.彬彬有礼的，客气的

参考例句：

• Although she often disagreed with me,she was always courteous.尽管她常常和我意见不一，但她总是很谦恭有礼。
• He was a kind and courteous man.他为人友善，而且彬彬有礼。

8 judgment   

n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见

参考例句：

• The chairman flatters himself on his judgment of people.主席自认为他审视人比别人高明。
• He's a man of excellent judgment.他眼力过人。

9 tenacity   

n.坚韧

参考例句：

• Tenacity is the bridge to success.坚韧是通向成功的桥。
• The athletes displayed great tenacity throughout the contest.运动员在比赛中表现出坚韧的斗志。

10 faculty   

n.才能；学院，系；(学院或系的)全体教学人员

参考例句：

• He has a great faculty for learning foreign languages.他有学习外语的天赋。
• He has the faculty of saying the right thing at the right time.他有在恰当的时候说恰当的话的才智。

11 acceding   

v.（正式）加入( accede的现在分词 )；答应；（通过财产的添附而）增加；开始任职

参考例句：

• After all, political careers depend acceding tothe demands the central government. 毕竟政治事业是要满足中央政府的要求的。 来自互联网
• Shall you have any problem acceding the folders, please let me knows. 如果存取文件有任何问题请和我联系。 来自互联网

12 persuasive   

adj.有说服力的，能说得使人相信的

参考例句：

• His arguments in favour of a new school are very persuasive.他赞成办一座新学校的理由很有说服力。
• The evidence was not really persuasive enough.证据并不是太有说服力。

13 alcoholic   

adj.（含）酒精的，由酒精引起的；n.酗酒者

参考例句：

• The alcoholic strength of brandy far exceeds that of wine.白兰地的酒精浓度远远超过葡萄酒。
• Alcoholic drinks act as a poison to a child.酒精饮料对小孩犹如毒药。

14 sophomore   

n.大学二年级生；adj.第二年的

参考例句：

• He is in his sophomore year.他在读二年级。
• I'm a college sophomore majoring in English.我是一名英语专业的大二学生。

15 determined   

adj.坚定的；有决心的

参考例句：

• I have determined on going to Tibet after graduation.我已决定毕业后去西藏。
• He determined to view the rooms behind the office.他决定查看一下办公室后面的房间。

16 bickering   

v.争吵( bicker的现在分词 )；口角；（水等）作潺潺声；闪烁

参考例句：

• The children are always bickering about something or other. 孩子们有事没事总是在争吵。
• The two children were always bickering with each other over small matters. 这两个孩子总是为些小事斗嘴。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

17 license   

n.执照，许可证，特许；v.许可，特许

参考例句：

• The foreign guest has a license on the person.这个外国客人随身携带执照。
• The driver was arrested for having false license plates on his car.司机由于使用假车牌而被捕。

18 lessen   

vt.减少，减轻；缩小

参考例句：

• Regular exercise can help to lessen the pain.经常运动有助于减轻痛感。
• They've made great effort to lessen the noise of planes.他们尽力减小飞机的噪音。

19 hesitation   

n.犹豫，踌躇

参考例句：

• After a long hesitation, he told the truth at last.踌躇了半天，他终于直说了。
• There was a certain hesitation in her manner.她的态度有些犹豫不决。

20 stunned   

adj. 震惊的，惊讶的 动词stun的过去式和过去分词

参考例句：

• The fall stunned me for a moment. 那一下摔得我昏迷了片刻。
• The leaders of the Kopper Company were then stunned speechless. 科伯公司的领导们当时被惊得目瞪口呆。

21 miserable   

adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的

参考例句：

• It was miserable of you to make fun of him.你取笑他，这是可耻的。
• Her past life was miserable.她过去的生活很苦。

22 accomplished   

adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的

参考例句：

• Thanks to your help,we accomplished the task ahead of schedule.亏得你们帮忙,我们才提前完成了任务。
• Removal of excess heat is accomplished by means of a radiator.通过散热器完成多余热量的排出。

23 defense   

n.防御，保卫；[pl.]防务工事；辩护，答辩

参考例句：

• The accused has the right to defense.被告人有权获得辩护。
• The war has impacted the area with military and defense workers.战争使那个地区挤满了军队和防御工程人员。

24 ostensible   

adj.(指理由)表面的，假装的

参考例句：

• The ostensible reason wasn't the real reason.表面上的理由并不是真正的理由。
• He resigned secretaryship on the ostensible ground of health.他借口身体不好，辞去书记的职务。

25 withhold   

v.拒绝，不给；使停止，阻挡

参考例句：

• It was unscrupulous of their lawyer to withhold evidence.他们的律师隐瞒证据是不道德的。
• I couldn't withhold giving some loose to my indignation.我忍不住要发泄一点我的愤怒。

26 uncommon   

adj.罕见的，非凡的，不平常的

参考例句：

• Such attitudes were not at all uncommon thirty years ago.这些看法在30年前很常见。
• Phil has uncommon intelligence.菲尔智力超群。

27 candid   

adj.公正的，正直的；坦率的

参考例句：

• I cannot but hope the candid reader will give some allowance for it.我只有希望公正的读者多少包涵一些。
• He is quite candid with his friends.他对朋友相当坦诚。

28 gloss   

n.光泽，光滑；虚饰；注释；vt.加光泽于；掩饰

参考例句：

• John tried in vain to gloss over his faults.约翰极力想掩饰自己的缺点，但是没有用。
• She rubbed up the silver plates to a high gloss.她把银盘擦得很亮。

29 embroider   

v.刺绣于(布)上；给…添枝加叶，润饰

参考例句：

• The editor would take a theme and embroider upon it with drollery.编辑会将一篇文章，以调侃式的幽默笔调加以渲染。
• She wants to embroider a coverlet with flowers and birds.她想给床罩绣上花鸟。

30 censure   

v./n.责备；非难；责难

参考例句：

• You must not censure him until you know the whole story.在弄清全部事实真相前不要谴责他。
• His dishonest behaviour came under severe censure.他的不诚实行为受到了严厉指责。

31 overestimated   

对（数量）估计过高，对…作过高的评价( overestimate的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• They overestimated his ability when they promoted him. 他们提拔他的时候高估了他的能力。
• The Ministry of Finance consistently overestimated its budget deficits. 财政部一贯高估预算赤字。

32 relatively   

adv.比较...地，相对地

参考例句：

• The rabbit is a relatively recent introduction in Australia.兔子是相对较新引入澳大利亚的物种。
• The operation was relatively painless.手术相对来说不痛。

33 discredit   

vt.使不可置信；n.丧失信义；不信，怀疑

参考例句：

• Their behaviour has bought discredit on English football.他们的行为败坏了英国足球运动的声誉。
• They no longer try to discredit the technology itself.他们不再试图怀疑这种技术本身。

34 havoc   

n.大破坏，浩劫，大混乱，大杂乱

参考例句：

• The earthquake wreaked havoc on the city.地震对这个城市造成了大破坏。
• This concentration of airborne firepower wrought havoc with the enemy forces.这次机载火力的集中攻击给敌军造成很大破坏。

35 defensive   

adj.防御的；防卫的；防守的

参考例句：

• Their questions about the money put her on the defensive.他们问到钱的问题，使她警觉起来。
• The Government hastily organized defensive measures against the raids.政府急忙布置了防卫措施抵御空袭。

36 sloppiest   

adj.过于伤感的( sloppy的最高级 )；宽松的；太稀的；衣着不整的

参考例句：

37 vein   

n.血管，静脉；叶脉，纹理；情绪；vt.使成脉络

参考例句：

• The girl is not in the vein for singing today.那女孩今天没有心情唱歌。
• The doctor injects glucose into the patient's vein.医生把葡萄糖注射入病人的静脉。

38 goof   

v.弄糟；闲混；n.呆瓜

参考例句：

• We goofed last week at the end of our interview with singer Annie Ross.上周我们采访歌手安妮·罗斯，结果到快结束时犯了个愚蠢的错误。
• You will never be good students so long as you goof around.如果你们成天游手好闲，就永远也成不了好学生。

39 fumble   

vi.笨拙地用手摸、弄、接等，摸索

参考例句：

• His awkwardness made him fumble with the key.由于尴尬不安，他拿钥匙开锁时显得笨手笨脚。
• He fumbled his one-handed attempt to light his cigarette.他笨拙地想用一只手点燃香烟。

40 syndrome   

n.综合病症；并存特性

参考例句：

• The Institute says that an unidentified virus is to blame for the syndrome. 该研究所表示,引起这种综合症的是一种尚未确认的病毒。
• Results indicated that 11 fetuses had Down syndrome. 结果表明有11个胎儿患有唐氏综合征。