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对新婚夫妻的告诫与祝福

时间:2021-03-16 06:11来源:互联网 提供网友:nan   字体: [ ]
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    (单词翻译:双击或拖选)

M: Ron Rogge from the University of Rochester is heading up the ( the)newly-weds study. And Dr. Gail Saltz is a psychiatrist1 here in New York and Today contributor. Good morning to both of you.

R & G: Good morning, Matt.

M: Ron, 40% of these marriages are...the divorces ( 40 got )are happening in the first 5 years of marriage. Why are those first 5 years so turbulent?

R: Well, merging2 your lives together is a really complicated and difficult thing. Suddenly your business partner, your roommates, for most couples, you'll also become parents together, and the joy and the fun that you have with each other can get lost in that tangle3.

M: And maybe you had unrealistic expectations going into it. You didn't stop and talk about the things that you should've talked ( should've done )about when you were still dating.

R: True. That. . . . we actually find that, you know, a lot of couples argue about sex, money, finances, urm, chores. But it turns out it doesn't matter as much what you are arguing about. It's how you handle those problems.

M: And actual(ly), and this is what you comment because you say that really one of the ways to avoid this is to remember what you learned in kindergarten. Explain that.

R: Well, it really comes down to being nice to each other. You know, when problems come up, when you have a problem, your partner has a problem or there's a problem between the two of you, trying to handle it with kindness will give you a really long way.

M: Gail, is it. . . is it that easy as all about being nice to each other, sharing your toys and getting naps when you need them?

G: We all know it's , it's an extension of that. The , the take peace talk about communication. And that is so key because you're never gonna be each other's clones. So you're always gonna have to negotiate, you're always gonna have to compromise, and you can't do that unless you talked to the person about what's going on . The other thing is that the feeling of being understood. Nothing makes you feel intimate like feeling like your partner really understands ya.

M: So, clearly in a lot of these marriages especially the ones that're ending in divorce, that line of communication is closing down somehow. (Yes. ) So, so how do ya keep it open because stuff happens as the expression goes?

G: That's correct. But it takes time. You see you've brought up unrealistic expectations and that's true, this is an expectation that it should be bliss4. You shouldn't have to say much. This person is in my corner already. So I can just go out and do my things in the world and kind of ignore and come home and they'll just be there. But that's not true. It does take time. It does take effort to communicate. It takes a concerted effort and you have to be vulnerable which lots of people don't want to do.

M: On Wall Street they look at the stock market and they say it's a good indicator5 what happens in the first couple of weeks in January, generally tells you how the market's gonna do all year long. So were you saying that these first couple of years of marriage is gonna tell you how you, what your chance of survival is?

R: It's amazing. We can see the seeds of divorce in the first month of marriage when couples are saying, "we are blissfully happy, we will never get divorced". And yet, if they are not handling these things well, if they are not keeping the fun in their relationship and really nurturing6 their relationship, we can see that it's probably gonna head down on a wrong path.

M: Gail, let's get to some of your tips. Give more than take.

G: You know, it's interesting. My parents told me this all along as I was growing up. If you give each other 80%, you'll both be getting plenty, right? I think about that in my own marriage and I think about that in people I counsel all the time. Give a lot. People always are so concerned about staking out their territory. That doesn't work. Give a lot.

M: Next know how to fight?

G: So important because you can have a little skirmishes, and you will, and those are okay, but if you let them fester, you get the big brouhaha and that'll break up the marrige.

M: And , and show lots of affection that one couple said, "we still hold hands a little bit. Do more than that. Get in there , it will be affectionate. " Right?

G: Absolutely.

R: But we asked couples, you know, "How much affection would you like? Well, would you like to change in your relationship? "And it's amazing how often, both the husbands and wives will say, "I'd like to have more affection. "

G: But it means being"vulnerable", you have to, in order to show each other affection. By the way, the bedroom is a big barometer7 for what's going on there. There're lots of sexual fights that can end a marriage. Sex is important.

M: And you are gonna follow these 1, 600 people, these 8 hundred couples over the,over the course of 4 years. I would imagine just the evaluation8, the process may help a lot these couples coz' they are gonna talk about it.

R: Well, you know, they really like, in general, when we asked couples, they like to participate.

M: Very good. A lot for more. Ron, thank you so much. Gail, thank you very much.

R: Pleasure.


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 psychiatrist F0qzf     
n.精神病专家;精神病医师
参考例句:
  • He went to a psychiatrist about his compulsive gambling.他去看精神科医生治疗不能自拔的赌瘾。
  • The psychiatrist corrected him gently.精神病医师彬彬有礼地纠正他。
2 merging 65cc30ed55db36c739ab349d7c58dfe8     
合并(分类)
参考例句:
  • Many companies continued to grow by merging with or buying competing firms. 许多公司通过合并或收买竞争对手的公司而不断扩大。 来自英汉非文学 - 政府文件
  • To sequence by repeated splitting and merging. 用反复分开和合并的方法进行的排序。
3 tangle yIQzn     
n.纠缠;缠结;混乱;v.(使)缠绕;变乱
参考例句:
  • I shouldn't tangle with Peter.He is bigger than me.我不应该与彼特吵架。他的块头比我大。
  • If I were you, I wouldn't tangle with them.我要是你,我就不跟他们争吵。
4 bliss JtXz4     
n.狂喜,福佑,天赐的福
参考例句:
  • It's sheer bliss to be able to spend the day in bed.整天都可以躺在床上真是幸福。
  • He's in bliss that he's won the Nobel Prize.他非常高兴,因为获得了诺贝尔奖金。
5 indicator i8NxM     
n.指标;指示物,指示者;指示器
参考例句:
  • Gold prices are often seen as an indicator of inflation.黃金价格常常被看作是通货膨胀的指标。
  • His left-hand indicator is flashing.他左手边的转向灯正在闪亮。
6 nurturing d35e8f9c6b6b0f1c54ced7de730a6241     
养育( nurture的现在分词 ); 培育; 滋长; 助长
参考例句:
  • These delicate plants need careful nurturing. 这些幼嫩的植物需要精心培育。
  • The modern conservatory is not an environment for nurturing plants. 这个现代化温室的环境不适合培育植物。
7 barometer fPLyP     
n.气压表,睛雨表,反应指标
参考例句:
  • The barometer marked a continuing fall in atmospheric pressure.气压表表明气压在继续下降。
  • The arrow on the barometer was pointing to"stormy".气压计上的箭头指向“有暴风雨”。
8 evaluation onFxd     
n.估价,评价;赋值
参考例句:
  • I attempted an honest evaluation of my own life.我试图如实地评价我自己的一生。
  • The new scheme is still under evaluation.新方案还在评估阶段。
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