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标杆人生 第20天 重建破裂的团契生活

时间:2010-04-16 06:09来源:互联网 提供网友:manyler   字体: [ ]
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[God] has restored our relationship with him through Christ, and has given us this ministry1 of restoring relationships. 2 Corinthians 5:18 (GWT)

Relationships are always worth restoring.

Because life is all about learning how to love, God wants us to value relationships and make the effort to maintain them instead of discarding them whenever there is a rift2, a hurt, or a conflict. In fact, the Bible tells us that God has given us the ministry of restoring relationships. For this reason a significant amount of the New Testament3 is devoted4 to teaching us how to get along with one another. Paul wrote, "If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you,... Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends." Paul taught that our ability to get along with others is a mark of spiritual maturity6.

Since Christ wants his family to be known for our love for each other, broken fellowship is a disgraceful testimony7 to unbelievers. This is why Paul was so embarrassed that the members of the church in Corinth were splitting into warring factions8 and even taking each other to court. He wrote, "Shame on you! Surely there is at least one wise person in your fellowship who can settle a dispute between fellow Christians9.' He was shocked that no one in the church was mature

enough to resolve the conflict peaceably. In the same letter, he said, "I'll put it as urgently as I can: You must get along with each other.”

If you want God's blessing10 on your life and you want to be known as a child of God, you must learn to be a peacemaker. Jesus said, "God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God." Notice Jesus didn't say, "Blessed are the peace lovers," because everyone loves peace. Neither did he say, "Blessed are the peaceable," who are never disturbed by anything. Jesus said, "Blessed are those who work for peace" those who actively11 seek to resolve conflict. Peacemakers are rare because peacemaking is hard work.

Because you were formed to be a part of God's family and the second purpose of your life on earth is to learn how to love and relate to others, peacemaking is one of the most important skills you can develop. Unfortunately, most of us were never taught how to resolve conflict.

Peacemaking is not avoiding conflict. Running from a problem, pretending it doesn't exist, or being afraid to talk about it is actually cowardice12. Jesus, the Prince of Peace, was never afraid of conflict. On occasion he provoked it for the good of everyone. Sometimes we need to avoid conflict, sometimes we need to create it, and sometimes we need to resolve it. That's why we must pray for the Holy Spirit's continual guidance.

Peacemaking is also not appeasement13. Always giving in, acting14 like a doormat, and allowing others to always run over you is not what Jesus had in mind. He refused to back down on many issues, standing15 his ground in the face of evil opposition16.

HOW TO RESTORE A RELATIONSHIP

As believers, God has "called us to settle our relationships with each other." Here are seven biblical steps to restoring fellowship:

Talk to God before talking to the person. Discuss the problem with God. If you will pray about the conflict first instead of gossiping to a friend, you will often discover that either God changes your heart or he changes the other person without your help. All your relationships would go smoother if you would just pray more about them.

As David did with his psalms17, use prayer to ventilate vertically18. Tell God your frustrations19. Cry out to him. He's never surprised or upset by your anger, hurt, insecurity, or any other emotions. So tell him exactly how you feel.

Most conflict is rooted in unmet needs. Some of these needs can only be met by God. When you expect anyone-a friend, spouse20, boss, or family member-to meet a need that only God can fulfill21, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and bitterness. No one can meet all of your needs except God.

The apostle James noted22 that many of our conflicts are caused by prayerlessness: "What causes fights and quarrels among you? ... You want something but don't get it.... You do not have, because you do not ask God." Instead of looking to God, we look to others to make us happy and then get angry when they fail us. God says, "Why don't you come to me first?"

Always take the initiative. It doesn't matter whether you are the offender23 or the offended: God expects you to make the first move. Don't wait for the other party. Go to them first. Restoring

broken fellowship is so important, Jesus commanded that it even takes priority over group worship. He said, "If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge24 a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.'

When fellowship is strained or broken, plan a peace conference immediately. Don't procrastinate25, make excuses, or promise "I'll get around to it someday." Schedule a face-to-face meeting as soon as possible. Delay only deepens resentment26 and makes matters worse. In conflict, time heals nothing; it causes hurts to fester.

Acting quickly also reduces the spiritual damage to you. The Bible says sin, including unresolved conflict, blocks our fellowship with God and keeps our prayers from being answered," besides making us miserable27. Job's friends reminded him, "To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do" and "You are only hurting yourself with your anger.”

The success of a peace conference often depends on choosing the right time and place to meet. Don't meet when either of you are tired or rushed or will be interrupted. The best time is when you both are at your best.

Sympathize with their feelings. Use your ears more than your mouth. Before attempting to solve any disagreement you must first listen to people's feelings. Paul advised, "Look out for one another's interests, not just for your own."

The phrase "look out for" is the Greek word skopos, from which we form our words telescope and microscope. It means pay close attention! Focus on their feelings, not the facts. Begin with sympathy, not solutions.

Don't try to talk people out of how they feel at first. Just listen and let them unload emotionally without being defensive28. Nod that you understand even when you don't agree. Feelings are not always true or logical. In fact, resentment makes us act and think in foolish ways. David admitted, "When my thoughts were bitter and my feelings were hurt, I was as stupid as an animal." We all act beastly when hurt.

In contrast, the Bible says, "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense29.' Patience comes from wisdom, and wisdom comes from hearing the perspective of others. Listening says, "I value your opinion, I care about our relationship, and you matter to me." The cliche30 is true: People don't care what we know until they know we care.

To restore fellowship "we must bear the `burden' of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others.... Let's please the other fellow, not ourselves, and do what is for his good." It is a sacrifice to patiently absorb the anger of others, especially if it's unfounded. But remember, this is what Jesus did for you. He endured unfounded, malicious31 anger in order to save you: "Christ did not indulge his own feelings ... as scripture32 says: The insults of those who insult you fall on me.'

Confess your part of the conflict. If you are serious about restoring a relationship, you should begin with admitting your own mistakes or sin. Jesus said it's the way to see things more clearly: "First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck33 in your friend's eye.'

Since we all have blind spots, you may need to ask a third party to help you evaluate your own actions before meeting with the person with whom you have a conflict. Also ask God to show you how much of the problem is your fault. Ask, "Am I the problem? Am I being unrealistic, insensitive, or too sensitive?" The Bible says, "If we claim that we're free of sin, we're only fooling ourselves."

Confession34 is a powerful tool for reconciliation35. Often the way we handle a conflict creates a bigger hurt than the original problem itself. When you begin by humbly36 admitting your mistakes, it defuses the other person's anger and disarms37 their attack because they were probably expecting you to be defensive. Don't make excuses or shift the blame; just honestly own up to any part you have played in the conflict. Accept responsibility for your mistakes and ask for forgiveness.

Attack the problem, not the person. You cannot fix the problem if you're consumed with fixing the blame. You must choose between the two. The Bible says, "A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles38 a temper fire." You will never get your point across by being cross, so choose your words wisely. A soft answer is always better than a sarcastic39 one.

In resolving conflict, how you say it is as important as what you say. If you say it offensively, it will be received defensively. God tells us, "A wise, mature person is known for his understanding. The more pleasant his words, the more persuasive40 he is." Nagging41 never works. You are never persuasive when you're abrasive42.

During the Cold War, both sides agreed that some weapons were so destructive they should never be used. Today chemical and biological weapons are banned, and the stockpiles of nuclear weapons are being reduced and destroyed. For the sake of fellowship, you must destroy your arsenal43 of relational nuclear weapons, including condemning44, belittling45, comparing, labeling, insulting, condescending46, and being sarcastic. Paul sums it up this way: "Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you."

Cooperate as much as possible. Paul said, "Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody." Peace always has a price tag. Sometimes it costs our pride; it often costs our self-centeredness. For the sake of fellowship, do your best to compromise, adjust to others, and show preference to what they need. A paraphrase47 of Jesus' seventh beatitude says, "You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family."

In resolving conflict, how you say it is as important as what you say.

Reconciliation focuses on the relationship, while resolution focuses on the problem.

Emphasize reconciliation, not resolution. It is unrealistic to expect everyone to agree about everything. Reconciliation focuses on the relationship, while resolution focuses on the problem. When we focus on reconciliation, the problem loses significance and often becomes irrelevant48.

We can reestablish a relationship even when we are unable to resolve our differences. Christians often have legitimate49, honest disagreements and differing opinions, but we can disagree without being disagreeable. The same diamond looks different from different angles. God expects unity5, not uniformity, and we can walk arm-in-arm without seeing eye-to-eye on every issue.

This doesn't mean you give up on finding a solution. You may need to continue discussing and even debating-but you do it in a spirit of harmony. Reconciliation means you bury the hatchet50, not necessarily the issue.

Who do you need to contact as a result of this chapter? With whom do you need to restore fellowship? Don't delay another second. Pause right now and talk to God about that person. Then pick up the phone and begin the process. These seven steps are simple, but they are not easy. It takes a lot of effort to restore a relationship. That's why Peter urged, "Work hard at living in peace with others." But when you work for peace, you are doing what God would do. That's why God calls peacemakers his children.

DAY TWENTY THINKING ABOUT MY PURPOSE

Point to Ponder: Relationships are always worth restoring.

Verse to Remember: "Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody."

Romans 12:18 (TEV)

Question to Consider: Who do I need to restore a broken relationship with today?


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 ministry kD5x2     
n.(政府的)部;牧师
参考例句:
  • They sent a deputation to the ministry to complain.他们派了一个代表团到部里投诉。
  • We probed the Air Ministry statements.我们调查了空军部的记录。
2 rift bCEzt     
n.裂口,隙缝,切口;v.裂开,割开,渗入
参考例句:
  • He was anxious to mend the rift between the two men.他急于弥合这两个人之间的裂痕。
  • The sun appeared through a rift in the clouds.太阳从云层间隙中冒出来。
3 testament yyEzf     
n.遗嘱;证明
参考例句:
  • This is his last will and testament.这是他的遗愿和遗嘱。
  • It is a testament to the power of political mythology.这说明,编造政治神话可以产生多大的威力。
4 devoted xu9zka     
adj.忠诚的,忠实的,热心的,献身于...的
参考例句:
  • He devoted his life to the educational cause of the motherland.他为祖国的教育事业贡献了一生。
  • We devoted a lengthy and full discussion to this topic.我们对这个题目进行了长时间的充分讨论。
5 unity 4kQwT     
n.团结,联合,统一;和睦,协调
参考例句:
  • When we speak of unity,we do not mean unprincipled peace.所谓团结,并非一团和气。
  • We must strengthen our unity in the face of powerful enemies.大敌当前,我们必须加强团结。
6 maturity 47nzh     
n.成熟;完成;(支票、债券等)到期
参考例句:
  • These plants ought to reach maturity after five years.这些植物五年后就该长成了。
  • This is the period at which the body attains maturity.这是身体发育成熟的时期。
7 testimony zpbwO     
n.证词;见证,证明
参考例句:
  • The testimony given by him is dubious.他所作的证据是可疑的。
  • He was called in to bear testimony to what the police officer said.他被传入为警官所说的话作证。
8 factions 4b94ab431d5bc8729c89bd040e9ab892     
组织中的小派别,派系( faction的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • The gens also lives on in the "factions." 氏族此外还继续存在于“factions〔“帮”〕中。 来自英汉非文学 - 家庭、私有制和国家的起源
  • rival factions within the administration 政府中的对立派别
9 Christians 28e6e30f94480962cc721493f76ca6c6     
n.基督教徒( Christian的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • Christians of all denominations attended the conference. 基督教所有教派的人都出席了这次会议。
  • His novel about Jesus caused a furore among Christians. 他关于耶稣的小说激起了基督教徒的公愤。
10 blessing UxDztJ     
n.祈神赐福;祷告;祝福,祝愿
参考例句:
  • The blessing was said in Hebrew.祷告用了希伯来语。
  • A double blessing has descended upon the house.双喜临门。
11 actively lzezni     
adv.积极地,勤奋地
参考例句:
  • During this period all the students were actively participating.在这节课中所有的学生都积极参加。
  • We are actively intervening to settle a quarrel.我们正在积极调解争执。
12 cowardice norzB     
n.胆小,怯懦
参考例句:
  • His cowardice reflects on his character.他的胆怯对他的性格带来不良影响。
  • His refusal to help simply pinpointed his cowardice.他拒绝帮助正显示他的胆小。
13 appeasement nzSzXo     
n.平息,满足
参考例句:
  • Music is an appeasement to shattered nerves. 音乐可抚慰受重创的神经。
  • There can be no appeasement with ruthlessness. 对残暴行为是不能姑息的。 来自演讲部分
14 acting czRzoc     
n.演戏,行为,假装;adj.代理的,临时的,演出用的
参考例句:
  • Ignore her,she's just acting.别理她,她只是假装的。
  • During the seventies,her acting career was in eclipse.在七十年代,她的表演生涯黯然失色。
15 standing 2hCzgo     
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的
参考例句:
  • After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
  • They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。
16 opposition eIUxU     
n.反对,敌对
参考例句:
  • The party leader is facing opposition in his own backyard.该党领袖在自己的党內遇到了反对。
  • The police tried to break down the prisoner's opposition.警察设法制住了那个囚犯的反抗。
17 psalms 47aac1d82cedae7c6a543a2c9a72b9db     
n.赞美诗( psalm的名词复数 );圣诗;圣歌;(中的)
参考例句:
  • the Book of Psalms 《〈圣经〉诗篇》
  • A verse from Psalms knifed into Pug's mind: "put not your trust in princes." 《诗篇》里有一句话闪过帕格的脑海:“不要相信王侯。” 来自辞典例句
18 vertically SfmzYG     
adv.垂直地
参考例句:
  • Line the pages for the graph both horizontally and vertically.在这几页上同时画上横线和竖线,以便制作图表。
  • The human brain is divided vertically down the middle into two hemispheres.人脑从中央垂直地分为两半球。
19 frustrations 7d9e374b9e145ebadbaa8704f2c615e5     
挫折( frustration的名词复数 ); 失败; 挫败; 失意
参考例句:
  • The temptation would grow to take out our frustrations on Saigon. 由于我们遭到挫折而要同西贡算帐的引诱力会增加。
  • Aspirations will be raised, but so will frustrations. 人们会产生种种憧憬,但是种种挫折也会随之而来。
20 spouse Ah6yK     
n.配偶(指夫或妻)
参考例句:
  • Her spouse will come to see her on Sunday.她的丈夫星期天要来看她。
  • What is the best way to keep your spouse happy in the marriage?在婚姻中保持配偶幸福的最好方法是什么?
21 fulfill Qhbxg     
vt.履行,实现,完成;满足,使满意
参考例句:
  • If you make a promise you should fulfill it.如果你许诺了,你就要履行你的诺言。
  • This company should be able to fulfill our requirements.这家公司应该能够满足我们的要求。
22 noted 5n4zXc     
adj.著名的,知名的
参考例句:
  • The local hotel is noted for its good table.当地的那家酒店以餐食精美而著称。
  • Jim is noted for arriving late for work.吉姆上班迟到出了名。
23 offender ZmYzse     
n.冒犯者,违反者,犯罪者
参考例句:
  • They all sued out a pardon for an offender.他们请求法院赦免一名罪犯。
  • The authorities often know that sex offenders will attack again when they are released.当局一般都知道性犯罪者在获释后往往会再次犯案。
24 grudge hedzG     
n.不满,怨恨,妒嫉;vt.勉强给,不情愿做
参考例句:
  • I grudge paying so much for such inferior goods.我不愿花这么多钱买次品。
  • I do not grudge him his success.我不嫉妒他的成功。
25 procrastinate 1ieyC     
v.耽搁,拖延
参考例句:
  • Most often we procrastinate when faced with something we do not want to do.面对不想做的事情,我们经常拖延。
  • It's easy to procrastinate when the deadline seems infinitely far away.当最终期限总是遥遥无期时是很容易延期的。
26 resentment 4sgyv     
n.怨愤,忿恨
参考例句:
  • All her feelings of resentment just came pouring out.她一股脑儿倾吐出所有的怨恨。
  • She cherished a deep resentment under the rose towards her employer.她暗中对她的雇主怀恨在心。
27 miserable g18yk     
adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的
参考例句:
  • It was miserable of you to make fun of him.你取笑他,这是可耻的。
  • Her past life was miserable.她过去的生活很苦。
28 defensive buszxy     
adj.防御的;防卫的;防守的
参考例句:
  • Their questions about the money put her on the defensive.他们问到钱的问题,使她警觉起来。
  • The Government hastily organized defensive measures against the raids.政府急忙布置了防卫措施抵御空袭。
29 offense HIvxd     
n.犯规,违法行为;冒犯,得罪
参考例句:
  • I hope you will not take any offense at my words. 对我讲的话请别见怪。
  • His words gave great offense to everybody present.他的发言冲犯了在场的所有人。
30 cliche jbpy6     
n./a.陈词滥调(的);老生常谈(的);陈腐的
参考例句:
  • You should always try to avoid the use of cliche. 你应该尽量避免使用陈词滥调。
  • The old cliche is certainly true:the bigger car do mean bigger profits.有句老话倒的确说得不假:车大利大。
31 malicious e8UzX     
adj.有恶意的,心怀恶意的
参考例句:
  • You ought to kick back at such malicious slander. 你应当反击这种恶毒的污蔑。
  • Their talk was slightly malicious.他们的谈话有点儿心怀不轨。
32 scripture WZUx4     
n.经文,圣书,手稿;Scripture:(常用复数)《圣经》,《圣经》中的一段
参考例句:
  • The scripture states that God did not want us to be alone.圣经指出上帝并不是想让我们独身一人生活。
  • They invoked Hindu scripture to justify their position.他们援引印度教的经文为他们的立场辩护。
33 speck sFqzM     
n.微粒,小污点,小斑点
参考例句:
  • I have not a speck of interest in it.我对它没有任何兴趣。
  • The sky is clear and bright without a speck of cloud.天空晴朗,一星星云彩也没有。
34 confession 8Ygye     
n.自白,供认,承认
参考例句:
  • Her confession was simply tantamount to a casual explanation.她的自白简直等于一篇即席说明。
  • The police used torture to extort a confession from him.警察对他用刑逼供。
35 reconciliation DUhxh     
n.和解,和谐,一致
参考例句:
  • He was taken up with the reconciliation of husband and wife.他忙于做夫妻间的调解工作。
  • Their handshake appeared to be a gesture of reconciliation.他们的握手似乎是和解的表示。
36 humbly humbly     
adv. 恭顺地,谦卑地
参考例句:
  • We humbly beg Your Majesty to show mercy. 我们恳请陛下发发慈悲。
  • "You must be right, Sir,'said John humbly. “你一定是对的,先生,”约翰恭顺地说道。
37 disarms 1a1f31ba4a606c4aab5e02959efc9d0b     
v.裁军( disarm的第三人称单数 );使息怒
参考例句:
  • He was that rarest of statesmen, one whose integrity disarms even his critics. 他为人正直,连批评他的人也佩服他三分,在当代政治家中实属罕见。 来自辞典例句
  • Disarm: This ability now disarms ranged weapons as well. 缴械:这个技能现在同时可以缴械对方的远程武器。 来自互联网
38 kindles c76532492d76d107aa0f6cc5724a75e8     
(使某物)燃烧,着火( kindle的第三人称单数 ); 激起(感情等); 发亮,放光
参考例句:
  • And as kindles hope, millions more will find it. 他们的自由又将影响周围,使更多的人民得到自由。
  • A person who stirs up trouble or kindles a revolt. 煽动叛乱者,挑动争端者挑起麻烦或引起叛乱的人。
39 sarcastic jCIzJ     
adj.讥讽的,讽刺的,嘲弄的
参考例句:
  • I squashed him with a sarcastic remark.我说了一句讽刺的话把他给镇住了。
  • She poked fun at people's shortcomings with sarcastic remarks.她冷嘲热讽地拿别人的缺点开玩笑。
40 persuasive 0MZxR     
adj.有说服力的,能说得使人相信的
参考例句:
  • His arguments in favour of a new school are very persuasive.他赞成办一座新学校的理由很有说服力。
  • The evidence was not really persuasive enough.证据并不是太有说服力。
41 nagging be0b69d13a0baed63cc899dc05b36d80     
adj.唠叨的,挑剔的;使人不得安宁的v.不断地挑剔或批评(某人)( nag的现在分词 );不断地烦扰或伤害(某人);无休止地抱怨;不断指责
参考例句:
  • Stop nagging—I'll do it as soon as I can. 别唠叨了—我会尽快做的。
  • I've got a nagging pain in my lower back. 我后背下方老是疼。 来自《简明英汉词典》
42 abrasive 3yDz3     
adj.使表面磨损的;粗糙的;恼人的
参考例句:
  • His abrasive manner has won him an unenviable notoriety.他生硬粗暴的态度让他声名狼藉。
  • She had abrasions to her wrists where the abrasive rope had scraped her.她的手腕有多出磨伤,那是被粗糙的绳子擦伤的。
43 arsenal qNPyF     
n.兵工厂,军械库
参考例句:
  • Even the workers at the arsenal have got a secret organization.兵工厂工人暗中也有组织。
  • We must be the great arsenal of democracy.我们必须成为民主的大军火库。
44 condemning 3c571b073a8d53beeff1e31a57d104c0     
v.(通常因道义上的原因而)谴责( condemn的现在分词 );宣判;宣布…不能使用;迫使…陷于不幸的境地
参考例句:
  • The government issued a statement condemning the killings. 政府发表声明谴责这些凶杀事件。
  • I concur with the speaker in condemning what has been done. 我同意发言者对所做的事加以谴责。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
45 belittling f2b71888b429fab9345a28d38fc35bfe     
使显得微小,轻视,贬低( belittle的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • We must be realistic in our self-estimation, neither being conceited nor belittling ourselves. 我们对自己的估计应该实事求是, 不要自高自大,也不要妄自菲薄。
  • I find it belittling to be criticized by someone so much younger than me. 有个比我年轻许多的人批评了我,我觉得是小看了我。
46 condescending avxzvU     
adj.谦逊的,故意屈尊的
参考例句:
  • He has a condescending attitude towards women. 他对女性总是居高临下。
  • He tends to adopt a condescending manner when talking to young women. 和年轻女子说话时,他喜欢摆出一副高高在上的姿态。
47 paraphrase SLSxy     
vt.将…释义,改写;n.释义,意义
参考例句:
  • You may read the prose paraphrase of this poem.你可以看一下这首诗的散文释义。
  • Paraphrase the following sentences or parts of sentences using your own words.用你自己的话解释下面的句子或句子的一部分。
48 irrelevant ZkGy6     
adj.不恰当的,无关系的,不相干的
参考例句:
  • That is completely irrelevant to the subject under discussion.这跟讨论的主题完全不相关。
  • A question about arithmetic is irrelevant in a music lesson.在音乐课上,一个数学的问题是风马牛不相及的。
49 legitimate L9ZzJ     
adj.合法的,合理的,合乎逻辑的;v.使合法
参考例句:
  • Sickness is a legitimate reason for asking for leave.生病是请假的一个正当的理由。
  • That's a perfectly legitimate fear.怀有这种恐惧完全在情理之中。
50 hatchet Dd0zr     
n.短柄小斧;v.扼杀
参考例句:
  • I shall have to take a hatchet to that stump.我得用一把短柄斧来劈这树桩。
  • Do not remove a fly from your friend's forehead with a hatchet.别用斧头拍打朋友额头上的苍蝇。
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