【英语语言学习】当你成为你所厌恶的人之后

 TERRY GROSS, HOST:

This is FRESH AIR. We all know the Internet can be an ugly place, but what happens when you discover you're part of the problem? Writer Sarah Hepola is going to tell us about her own social media mistake.

SARAH HEPOLA, BYLINE¹: I was feeling cheeky one afternoon when I posted to Facebook that the '90s hit "Breakfast At Tiffany's" was the worst song of all time. It had been nearly two decades since the release of that single about a bickering² couple who reconciled thanks to an Audrey Hepburn film, but I heard the chorus in passing that day and it got stuck on this crazy-making loop in my brain.

From the reaction to my post, I could see I wasn't the only one who still held a grudge³ against a harmless '90s earworm. My friends piled on, creating a delightful⁴ little bonfire of disdain⁵. But I had forgotten one detail - a guy from the band was in my friend circle. That was unfortunate.

I didn't know him very well. He lived in Dallas like I did, and I'd met him years ago when I was the music editor for an alternative paper. He was something of a local hero, having turned that one-hit wonder into an indie record label, and he was known for being a good guy. All important details I remembered roughly 45 minutes after hitting the post button.

For years, I've complained about the random⁶ hatred⁷ of the Internet. It was the worst part of writing online. Show up with your heart in your hand, and a bunch of strangers line up to throw rocks in your face. I was so freaked out by comments on my own stories that I'd once considered not writing at all anymore.

I badly wanted a thicker skin, but I also knew I'd become a writer because I was thin-skinned. I took on other people's discomfort⁸, and I flinched⁹ at the tiniest finger flick¹⁰ of rejection¹¹. I was a sensitive person, but I had just done a very insensitive thing.

I would never have said this to his face, but technology is such a bait and switch, giving you the feeling of anonymity¹² at the very moment your words have the farthest reach. And my comment was exactly the kind of random stone-throwing that had wounded me over the years - boo, you suck. Go away.

I had done this - why? For a tiny dopamine hit? For a few people to think for 20 seconds that I was clever? I should've just deleted the post. I can't tell you why I didn't do that except I worried that deleting the post would draw more attention to the mistake.

I was starting to shame spiral. I alternated between how could I do this and was it really that big of a deal? Maybe he doesn't check Facebook. Maybe he wouldn't even notice. Facebook is such a swift-moving stream of drunken selfies and political outrage¹³ and adorable videos of baby elephants, and what were the chances this one guy would see this one dumb little post?

He did, of course. And he left a comment, although he didn't sound angry so much as disappointed, like he'd thought I was a nice person. And I am a nice person, although I sometimes do not-nice things. I've long felt torn between the opinionated crank who wants to sneer¹⁴ at the world and the good little girl afraid to hurt anyone's feelings.

I went to a comedy show that night, but I didn't laugh much. At one point, I excused myself to go to the restroom, but I sat in the lobby instead. I'd deleted the post by now, but I still wanted to explain myself. And what was my excuse? In the past, I had reached out to people who wrote nasty comments on my stories and they often said the same thing - I didn't think you would read that.

I was embarrassed to find myself in the same place. I'd spent all those years complaining that people on the Internet could be such bullies¹⁵. I'd forgotten that people on the Internet included me.

I wrote him a message. It was short and imperfect. All I can say is 20 years after that song came out, people are still talking about it, I said. Also, I'm an idiot. He didn't respond, but he also didn't unfriend me, which I thought showed a nice restraint.

We hear a lot about how social media lets us present our glossy¹⁶, perfect selves, but use social media enough and it will put you directly in touch with your own mistakes - some clumsy opinion, some joke you wish you could take back. We can all be thoughtless, we can all be cruel, which is good to remember the next time you find yourself on the receiving end of that random scorn.

I wish people would be more civil online. I wish they'd be more civil off-line, for that matter. But the messy human-ness of the Internet is part of what makes it so endlessly fascinating. I don't think the mass of humanity will ever stop throwing rocks, but I'm trying to be a little smarter about when I chuck mine.

GROSS: Sarah Hepola is the author of The New York Times best-selling memoir¹⁷ "Blackout: Remembering The Things I Drank To Forget." She lives in Dallas.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S")

DEEP BLUE SOMETHING: (Singing) And I said, what about "Breakfast At Tiffany's"? She said, I think I remember the film. And as I recall, I think we both kind of liked it. And I said, well, that's the one thing we've got.

GROSS: On the next FRESH AIR...

(SOUNDBITE OF TV SHOW, "VINYL")

RAY ROMANO: (As Zak Yankovich) I'm not a salesman, I'm a record man.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: (As character) I know that.

ROMANO: (As Zak Yankovich) Don't come in here, tell me to double down.

GROSS: ...My guest will be actor, writer and comic Ray Romano. He co-stars as a record executive on the HBO series "Vinyl," which was co-created by Martin Scorsese and Mick Jagger. Romano starred in the popular sitcom¹⁸ "Everybody Loves Raymond." I hope you'll join us.

FRESH AIR's executive producer is Danny Miller¹⁹. Our interviews and reviews are produced and edited by Amy Salit, Phyllis Myers, Ann Marie Baldonado, Sam Briger, Lauren Krenzel, John Sheehan, Heidi Saman, Therese Madden and Thea Chaloner. I'm Terry Gross.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S")

DEEP BLUE SOMETHING: (Singing) And I said, what about "Breakfast At Tiffany's?" She said, I think I remember the film. And as I recall, I think we both kind of liked it. And I said, well, that's the one thing we've got.

1 byline   

n.署名；v.署名

参考例句：

• His byline was absent as well.他的署名也不见了。
• We wish to thank the author of this article which carries no byline.我们要感谢这篇文章的那位没有署名的作者。

2 bickering   

v.争吵( bicker的现在分词 )；口角；（水等）作潺潺声；闪烁

参考例句：

• The children are always bickering about something or other. 孩子们有事没事总是在争吵。
• The two children were always bickering with each other over small matters. 这两个孩子总是为些小事斗嘴。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

3 grudge   

n.不满，怨恨，妒嫉；vt.勉强给，不情愿做

参考例句：

• I grudge paying so much for such inferior goods.我不愿花这么多钱买次品。
• I do not grudge him his success.我不嫉妒他的成功。

4 delightful   

adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的

参考例句：

• We had a delightful time by the seashore last Sunday.上星期天我们在海滨玩得真痛快。
• Peter played a delightful melody on his flute.彼得用笛子吹奏了一支欢快的曲子。

5 disdain   

n.鄙视，轻视；v.轻视，鄙视，不屑

参考例句：

• Some people disdain labour.有些人轻视劳动。
• A great man should disdain flatterers.伟大的人物应鄙视献媚者。

6 random   

adj.随机的；任意的；n.偶然的(或随便的)行动

参考例句：

• The list is arranged in a random order.名单排列不分先后。
• On random inspection the meat was found to be bad.经抽查，发现肉变质了。

7 hatred   

n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨

参考例句：

• He looked at me with hatred in his eyes.他以憎恨的眼光望着我。
• The old man was seized with burning hatred for the fascists.老人对法西斯主义者充满了仇恨。

8 discomfort   

n.不舒服，不安，难过，困难，不方便

参考例句：

• One has to bear a little discomfort while travelling.旅行中总要忍受一点不便。
• She turned red with discomfort when the teacher spoke.老师讲话时她不好意思地红着脸。

9 flinched   

v.（因危险和痛苦）退缩，畏惧( flinch的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• He flinched at the sight of the blood. 他一见到血就往后退。
• This tough Corsican never flinched or failed. 这个刚毅的科西嘉人从来没有任何畏缩或沮丧。 来自辞典例句

10 flick   

n.快速的轻打，轻打声，弹开；v.轻弹，轻轻拂去，忽然摇动

参考例句：

• He gave a flick of the whip.他轻抽一下鞭子。
• By a flick of his whip,he drove the fly from the horse's head.他用鞭子轻抽了一下，将马头上的苍蝇驱走。

11 rejection   

n.拒绝，被拒，抛弃，被弃

参考例句：

• He decided not to approach her for fear of rejection.他因怕遭拒绝决定不再去找她。
• The rejection plunged her into the dark depths of despair.遭到拒绝使她陷入了绝望的深渊。

12 anonymity   

n.the condition of being anonymous

参考例句：

• Names of people in the book were changed to preserve anonymity. 为了姓名保密，书中的人用的都是化名。
• Our company promises to preserve the anonymity of all its clients. 我们公司承诺不公开客户的姓名。

13 outrage   

n.暴行，侮辱，愤怒；vt.凌辱，激怒

参考例句：

• When he heard the news he reacted with a sense of outrage.他得悉此事时义愤填膺。
• We should never forget the outrage committed by the Japanese invaders.我们永远都不应该忘记日本侵略者犯下的暴行。

14 sneer   

v.轻蔑；嘲笑；n.嘲笑，讥讽的言语

参考例句：

• He said with a sneer.他的话中带有嘲笑之意。
• You may sneer,but a lot of people like this kind of music.你可以嗤之以鼻，但很多人喜欢这种音乐。

15 bullies   

n.欺凌弱小者, 开球 vt.恐吓, 威胁, 欺负

参考例句：

• Standing up to bullies takes plenty of backbone. 勇敢地对付暴徒需有大无畏精神。
• Bullies can make your life hell. 恃强欺弱者能让你的日子像活地狱。

16 glossy   

adj.平滑的；有光泽的

参考例句：

• I like these glossy spots.我喜欢这些闪闪发光的花点。
• She had glossy black hair.她长着乌黑发亮的头发。

17 memoir   

n.[pl.]回忆录，自传；记事录

参考例句：

• He has just published a memoir in honour of his captain.他刚刚出了一本传记来纪念他的队长。
• In her memoir,the actress wrote about the bittersweet memories of her first love.在那个女演员的自传中，她写到了自己苦乐掺半的初恋。

18 sitcom   

n.情景喜剧，（广播、电视的）系列幽默剧

参考例句：

• This sitcom is produced in cooperation with Hong Kong TV.这部连续剧是同香港电视台联合制作的。
• I heard that a new sitcom is coming out next season.我听说下一季会推出一个新的情境喜剧。

19 miller   

n.磨坊主

参考例句：

• Every miller draws water to his own mill.磨坊主都往自己磨里注水。
• The skilful miller killed millions of lions with his ski.技术娴熟的磨坊主用雪橇杀死了上百万头狮子。