邀请和拒绝的艺术

 　　邀请和拒绝的艺术

　　(2008-10-28 11:19:11)

　　Do you know how to respond to invitations correctly in an English context? We'll teach you how to give, accept and decline invitations.

　　Accepting an Invitation 接受邀请

　　You must have had the experience of giving and receiving invitations. Do you remember the last invitation from a friend? How did you settle the visit with your friend?

　　一般说来，你确定接受某个邀请之后，需要跟邀请人确认date，time和place三项，并且表达你的pleasure or gratitude¹。

　　在上面的flash对话中，Liu接受了去Chris家里做客的邀请。下面展示了Liu和Chris之间两个版本的对话。比较一下这两个对话有何不同。

　　版本一：

　　CHRIS: Hi, Liu! How's it going?

　　LIU: Fine, thanks. You?

　　CHRIS: Can't complain. Listen Liu, I wonder if you would like to come round and have a meal sometime?

　　LIU: Yeah, thanks a lot, that would be great!

　　CHRIS: What about Saturday evening?

　　LIU: Sure, Saturday evening would be fine. What time?

　　CHRIS: Let's make it around six. That okay?

　　LIU: Great!

　　CHRIS: You know where I live, don't you?

　　LIU: Yeah. No problem. Thanks very much. I really look forward to that.

　　版本二：

　　Chris: Hi, Liu! How are you?

　　Liu: Fine, thanks. You?

　　Chris: Not bad. Listen Liu, I wonder if you would like to come to my home and have a meal sometime?

　　Liu: Yeah, thanks a lot, that would be great!

　　Chris: Would Saturday evening be fine for you?

　　Liu: Sure, Saturday evening would be fine. What time shall we meet then?

　　Chris: Let's meet at about six o'clock. Is that okay?

　　Liu: Great!

　　Chris: You know where I live, don't you?

　　Liu: Yeah. No problem. Thanks very much. I really look forward to that.

　　看出不同了吗？版本一适用于相熟的朋友之间，而版本二则适用于正式场合。

　　除此之外，我们还应该了解西方做客的一个小礼仪：如果你和主人约好一个时间见面，那么你最好准时或者推迟5-7分钟到达。It is polite in the West to arrive at the time specified² or within five or seven minutes after that time. 不要提前到达哦。主人们正在抓紧最后的时间准备一切，所以给他们多一些准备时间吧。

　　由此可见，上面对话中when Chris says "Let's make it around six", he actually means "not before six"。

　　邀请典型例句：

　　I wonder if you would like to come around and have a meal sometime. 不知可否请您来家里吃顿便饭?

　　What about Saturday evening? 星期六怎么样?

　　Let's make it around six. 咱们约在六点左右吧。

　　Declining an Invitation 拒绝邀请

　　Some people find that saying "no" to a friend is extremely hard sometimes. Are you this kind of person? If you are tied up and cannot go to your friend's party, how do you say "no" and at the same time sound inoffensive? 拒绝比接受更难。如何委婉得体地拒绝别人？赶快看看下面的10个例句。

　　1. I am sorry to turn you down. 我很抱歉必须拒绝你

　　Turn you down 就是拒绝别人的要求。例如有一次请老美去参加一个 party，她说她很抱歉无法参加，就是用的这句I am sorry to turn you down.。另外男生追女生，女生想拒绝他，也可以用 turn down。例如I am sorry but I have to turn you down.。

　　另外不要忘，turn down 还有一个解释就是把音量或是空调关小。还有不要把 turn you down 和 let you down 搞混，这二者是完全不同的意思：turn down 表示拒绝，而 let down 则表示让人家失望。

　　2. I am not interested. 我没有兴趣。

　　当电话推销员找上门来，这时你要说的就是I am not interested，这样子对方就不会纠缠太久了。

　　通常在拒绝别人的时候要注意一下说话的语气，像这句 I am not interested. 听来就不太客气。通常要使得拒绝别人的话听来客气一点，只要在句首加上I am sorry.整句话的口气立刻就不一样了。所以礼貌一点的说法就是I am sorry. I am not interested. 听起来是不是客气很多？

　　3. I'll think about it. 我要考虑看看。

　　这句话是在买东西时候讲的。例如你去百货公司专柜买化装品，虽然专柜小姐讲了半天你也觉得还不错，但总觉得太贵，你就可以说OK, I'll think about it.我再考虑看看。当然你就可以趁机脱身了。

　　4. I can't afford it. 我付不起。

　　一样东西太贵你买不起就可以这么说I can't afford it. 你都讲明没钱了，想必人家不会继续纠缠吧。

　　美国买东西都有所谓的 refund³ 制度，就是东西买完之后不满意都可以拿去退钱。有时候店员会问你（通常不会问）为什么要拿来 refund，通常你就可以直截了当地说I don't like it.或者It's too expensive. I can't afford it.。

　　5. I can't handle it. 我应付不来。

　　Handle 跟 afford 的区别要分清楚：handle 指的是事情上应付不来，而 afford 多半指金钱上无法负担。例如工作很多做不完，你就可以说 There's too much workload⁴ here. I can't handle it.。

　　6. I am really not in the mood. 我真的没有什么心情。

　　Mood 解释成心情，没有心情你可以说成I don't have the mood. 或者I am not in the mood.。比如考试期间，别人还找你出去玩，你就可以这么拒绝I am sorry. I am really not in the mood.。

　　7. There is nothing to talk about. 没什么好说的。

　　当别人问你不想回答或懒得回答的问题时，你就可以说There is nothing to talk about.。例如有人问你考试考几分，你自己考得太差而不想讲，就可以说There is nothing to talk about." 另外一个类似的用法叫 No comment. 就是无可奉告的意思。

　　8. I really want to, but I got hundreds of things to do. 我想去，可是我有好多好多事情要做。

　　别人邀请你参加他们的活动，就算你不想去，也不要直截了当地说 No, I don't want to.这样子别人下次可能就不会找你了。试着用这种比较好的说法。先说 I really want to 或者I really love to，再说 but I got hundreds of things to do. 这样感觉上比较礼貌，也比较不会让别人觉得没面子。

　　9. I don't want to go and that's that. 我不想，就是这样。

　　That's that 通常是接在否定句后，意为就这样了，不必再多说了。这种语气是很强烈的，通常听的人可能会不太高兴。假如电话推销员很烦人，那就可以跟他说 That's that.。

　　That's that. 跟That's it.不太一样。That's it. 的意思是就这样吧，就这些吧，在点餐时使用。That's that 则是表示不想再跟对方谈下去了。同样的情况，你也可以这么说The conversation is over."。

　　10. That's enough, anymore is just overkill. 那就够了，再多一点也是多余的。

　　Overkill 在美国的口语里就是多余的意思，它跟 kill 一点关系也没有。例如跟一个老美打球，打了二局之后问他还要不要再打，他就说That's enough, anymore is just overkill.又如吃东西时你问别人还要不要再吃，如果别人吃不下了就可以说No, thanks. That's overkill.。

　　礼貌拒绝的典型例句 Refusing invitations without being offensive：

　　That's very kind of you, but I'm afraid that I'm tied up on Saturday. 非常感谢, 可是恐怕我周六没时间。

　　I'd really like to, but I'm already booked up for next Saturday. 我很想去，但是我下周六的日程己经安排满了。

　　I wish I could, but I have an appointment on Saturday. 我真希望能去，但是我周六和别人约好了。

　　Thanks for asking me, but I am going to be out of town that evening. 谢谢你邀请我，但是我那天晚上要去外地。

　　I'm really sorry about that! 非常抱歉！

　　Thanks, anyway. 还是谢谢你！

　　I would like very much to join you another time. 希望我下次能参加。

　　Invitations in the US 美国习俗

　　A party invitation can turn into a nightmare if you don't know the customs and do not know how to act properly in a gathering⁵. Don't worry! We will tell you something about American parties and how to get ready for them. 收到聚会邀请，不清楚聚会礼仪的你不必心焦，实用小贴士即刻奉上。

　　美国聚会礼仪的典型例句：

　　If nothing else, people may want to show off their house. 如果（请客）不是为了其它原因，人们可能是想炫耀一下自己的房子。

　　After having spent a huge amount of time and money in fixing up the place, I think it's nice to have people come and admire the results. 在投入了大量的时间和金钱装修房子之后，请别人来欣赏一下装修结果还是不错的。

　　You needn't say yes or no on the spot, but you should provide an answer as soon as possible. 你不用立即接受或拒绝，但是应该尽快答复。

　　If the party includes business associates, a suit is more likely to be in order. 如果聚会有业务合伙人参加，穿西服会更合适一些。

　　Among good friends, there’s less dressing⁶ up. 好友们的聚会上，不用那么盛装打扮。

　　Q&A:

　　Q: Why do people hold parties?

　　A:

　　1. There doesn't have to be a particular reason for a party.

　　2. according to a Chinese visitor to the US, people seldom have a very good time at American parties.

　　3. Sometimes people invite you to parties just because they want to impress you with and display their house.

　　Q: What are the customs of responding to an invitation?

　　A: When you receive an invitation by telephone, you should respond to it on the spot.

　　Q: Whom can one bring if he/she is invited to a party?

　　A:

　　1. If you are married and have children, you can't necessarily bring your spouse⁷ and children to a party if you are invited.

　　2. You should never bring a guest that is not expected.

　　Q: What should one wear to attend parties?

　　A:

　　1. One needs to wear suit if the party includes business associates.

　　2. In a party for good friends, there will be less dressing up.

　　3. In a party for old classmates, it is proper for gentlemen to wear sweaters and slacks.

　　4. Older people may choose to wear suits and dresses to their friends' parties.

　　5. For women, dressy pants with a blouse fit at all kinds of parties in the US.

　　6. In the US, pants are considered less graceful⁸ and formal than a skirt.

　　7. You can ask the hosts directly if you have no idea about what to wear.

　　学了这么多，你会用自己的话总结一下接到聚会邀请之后该怎么做吗？下面的这段话供你参考。

　　When you receive an invitation, you don't have to say yes or no immediately, but you should give an answer as soon as possible. Make sure you know the time and place of the party. Make sure you express pleasure or thanks to the host. If you are married or live with someone, you can bring him/her with you as long as your host knows that you have a spouse or partner. If the party includes business associates, a suit will be proper. If the party is just for friends, you don't need to dress formally.

　　Invitations in China 中国习俗

　　You may wonder what foreigners think of our customs and traditions at parties and banquets. Find out what Chinese parties look like in the eye of a westerner. 才了解了在美国应邀赴约的习俗，你一定也想知道老外眼中中国的饭局习俗吧。下面的这篇文章是个美国人写的，所以对他的观点别太较真儿。毕竟，中国那么大，文化那么多样，许多是我们自己也尚未了解的。

　　It is fair to say that the number one pastime in China is eating. 在中国，把吃饭看作第一消遣方式一点也不为过。

　　Banquets are usually held in restaurants in private rooms that have been reserved for the purpose. You will be met at the door and led to the banquet room. Traditionally, the head of your delegation⁹ should enter the room first. Do not be surprised if your hosts greet you with a loud round of applause. The proper response is to applaud back.

　　宴请通常设在提前预定好的饭店包间内。饭店门口集合，之后被领进包间。传统上说来，应该让来客中的头领先进包间。不要为东道主响亮的欢迎掌声惊到，适宜的做法就是以掌声回应。

　　Seating arrangements are stricter than in the West. Guests should never assume that they may sit where they please and should wait for hosts to guide them to their places. Traditionally, the Chinese regard the right side as the superior and the left side as the inferior. Therefore on formal occasions, the host invariably arranges for the main guests to sit on his right side.

　　在中国，就餐座位的排布比西方要严格得多。客人们绝对想不到东道主希望他们坐在哪里，所以不妨等待主人的安排后再落座。传统上说来，中国人将右手边的座位留给地位较高的人，地位较低的人坐在左侧。因此在正式场合，主人总是安排贵宾坐在他的右手边。

　　It is the host's responsibility to serve the guests, and at very formal banquets people do not begin to eat until the host has served a portion to the principal guest. Or, the host may simply raise his chopsticks and announce that eating has begun. After this point, one may serve oneself any food in any amount. Remember to go slow on eating. Don't fill yourself up when five courses are left to go. To stop eating in the middle of a banquet is rude, and your host may incorrectly think that something has been done to offend you.

　　主人有责任招待好客人。在非常正式的宴会场合，主人为来宾中的首导夹菜之前，其他人是不能开始用餐的。有时候，主人也可能简单地抬起筷子以示意大家可以开始用餐。主人示意后，人们就可以自己想吃什么就吃什么了。记得放慢进餐速度。不要在还有5个菜没上之前就吃饱。在宴会进行到中段就停止进食的行为是粗鲁的，东道主可能会错误地认为你想做些冒犯他的事情。

　　Drinking takes an important place in Chinese banquets. It is likely that the host will stand and hold his glass out with both hands while saying a few words. When he says the words "gan bei", which means bottoms up, all present should drain their glasses. After this initial toast, drinking and toasting are open to all. No words are needed to make a toast, and it is not necessary to drain your glass, although to do so is more respectful. When filling another's glass, it is polite to fill it as full as you can. This symbolizes¹⁰ full respect and friendship.

　　饮酒在中国的宴请中占据了非常重要的地位。一般来说，主人起立，双手举杯并说一小段话。当他说完“干杯”之后，所有人都应该开始喝酒。第一轮敬酒之后，人们就可以自由喝酒和敬酒了。尽管举杯的时候说些祝词并干尽杯中之酒更能显示诚意，但你也不必强行如此。当你给别人斟酒时，出于礼貌，你应该尽量倒满杯。这预示着满载的尊重和友情。

　　When the last dish is finished, the banquet has officially ended. There is little ceremony involved with its conclusion. The host may ask if you have eaten your fill. Then the principal host will rise, signaling that the banquet has ended. Generally, the principal host will bid good evening to everyone at the door and stay behind to settle the bill with the restaurateur. Other hosts usually accompany guests to their vehicles and remain outside waving until the cars have left the premises¹¹.

　　当用完最后一道菜后，宴会就正式结束了。结束的时候会有个小仪式。东道主可能会问你是否已然吃饱。之后设宴的领导会起立，预示宴会结束。通常，设宴的领导会站在饭店门口向赴宴的每个人亲切道别，然后留下来结账。其他的中方陪同人员会把来宾送上车，然后挥手作别，直到客人们的车子驶离饭店。

1 gratitude   

adj.感激，感谢

参考例句：

• I have expressed the depth of my gratitude to him.我向他表示了深切的谢意。
• She could not help her tears of gratitude rolling down her face.她感激的泪珠禁不住沿着面颊流了下来。

2 specified   

adj.特定的

参考例句：

• The architect specified oak for the wood trim. 那位建筑师指定用橡木做木饰条。
• It is generated by some specified means. 这是由某些未加说明的方法产生的。

3 refund   

v.退还，偿还；n.归还，偿还额，退款

参考例句：

• They demand a refund on unsatisfactory goods.他们对不满意的货品要求退款。
• We'll refund your money if you aren't satisfied.你若不满意，我们愿意退款给你。

4 workload   

n.作业量，工作量

参考例句：

• An assistant one day a week would ease my workload.每周有一天配一个助手就会减轻我的工作负担。
• He's always grousing about the workload.他总是抱怨工作量大。

5 gathering   

n.集会，聚会，聚集

参考例句：

• He called on Mr. White to speak at the gathering.他请怀特先生在集会上讲话。
• He is on the wing gathering material for his novels.他正忙于为他的小说收集资料。

6 dressing   

n.(食物)调料；包扎伤口的用品，敷料

参考例句：

• Don't spend such a lot of time in dressing yourself.别花那么多时间来打扮自己。
• The children enjoy dressing up in mother's old clothes.孩子们喜欢穿上妈妈旧时的衣服玩。

7 spouse   

n.配偶(指夫或妻)

参考例句：

• Her spouse will come to see her on Sunday.她的丈夫星期天要来看她。
• What is the best way to keep your spouse happy in the marriage?在婚姻中保持配偶幸福的最好方法是什么？

8 graceful   

adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的

参考例句：

• His movements on the parallel bars were very graceful.他的双杠动作可帅了!
• The ballet dancer is so graceful.芭蕾舞演员的姿态是如此的优美。

9 delegation   

n.代表团；派遣

参考例句：

• The statement of our delegation was singularly appropriate to the occasion.我们代表团的声明非常适合时宜。
• We shall inform you of the date of the delegation's arrival.我们将把代表团到达的日期通知你。

10 symbolizes   

v.象征，作为…的象征( symbolize的第三人称单数 )

参考例句：

• The use of light and dark symbolizes good and evil. 用光明与黑暗来象征善与恶。
• She likes olive because It'symbolizes peace. 她喜欢橄榄色因为它象征着和平。 来自《简明英汉词典》

11 premises   

n.建筑物，房屋

参考例句：

• According to the rules,no alcohol can be consumed on the premises.按照规定，场内不准饮酒。
• All repairs are done on the premises and not put out.全部修缮都在家里进行，不用送到外面去做。