Living Alone And Loving It

Living Alone And Loving It

 Here are the things I know for sure: I sleep better with socks on; I prefer Dutch chocolate to Swiss; I look lousy in black and will always wear it anyway; and I will never, ever live with a man again.

Ever since I was a small child, I've wondered why people should have to live together. It's wonderful when you want to be together, mind you, but what about when you don't? Doesn't it make more sense to have the option, either way?

I'm not talking about families here, of course; obviously children need to be with their parents and parents need one another's help with the kids (though I think in principle it might not be a bad idea for each parent to get a day or two off every week). But for everyone else, I just don' t see the point.

Not that I haven't done it. For better or worse—and there's always way too much "worse" for my taste—I've lived with three men in my life: one at the age of 22, one at 35, and one at 38. In each case, it took about a year and a half of living together, inescapably, day after day, until the relationship fell apart. I'd been crazy about these guys before that: two of them I'd even planned to marry. The third proposed to me while we were sharing a home, and I said no.

I can figure that one out.

And so I've determined¹: I keep my place, he keeps his. Instant two-home family. I'm a person who values solitude²; when I'm on a writing spree I can go weeks without seeing him. The silence is transcendent. There is no one moving books around, leaving socks on floors, misplacing ashtrays³. No one dictates⁴ what time I eat or peeks⁵ through a door to catch me in the ungainly act of picking at a zit; no deliciously warm and tantalizing⁶ body lures⁷ me back into bed when the alarm goes off at 4 am and I should be—and want to be—writing.

Unless I want it that way.

My current boyfriend is one of the men I once lived with. Since then, he's moved from our tiny apartment to a house—a real house, with three bedrooms, an eat-in kitchen, an upstairs and a down. Sometimes I spend a few days there at a time. It is always difficult to leave. It is also always great to come home—at once comforting, liberating⁸, exciting, even. What adventures await me here, in my own place, in the soft white whispers of my own private sanctuary⁹, between my pen and my notebooks and me? There are days I scarcely leave my desk. I don't have to. I don't want to. And that's the end of it.

This time, our relationship is working. I get the best of both the single life and the coupled life.

Including the romance: We make dates. When he arrives, I am showered and combed and my lipstick¹⁰ is fresh. Some might say that this isn't real life, but it's our real life. When he kisses me, even after seven years together (on and off), it's new; it's our first date, or a second, or a third. There is never a moment when we are together by hazard, just because we happen to live in the same house. We spend time with one another because we want to.

Intrinsic to this is a kind of trust I don't always see in my cohabiting friends. I have to, and I do, trust that he is home on the nights he is not with me. And he honors me with the same. There's no resentment¹¹, no waiting for him to show up when he's been out late, no annoyance¹² on his part that he has to come home because I keep wondering where he is. It is the purest form of shared life that I can imagine: he has his life. I have my life. We have our life. All three are whole and rewardingly complete.

I have a friend who serves as a partner in crime. When her marriage broke up three years ago, she found the emptiness overwhelming. But eventually she repainted a living room wall dark red and her hallway orange, reupholstered her couch in yellow tweed, and lost ten pounds. Together we have taught one another to do the stuff we always thought we needed men for: open doors when we locked ourselves out, replace light bulbs in complicated fixtures¹³, repair heaters. Last week she tiled her own kitchen.

She, too, feels that she would never give up the freedom of living alone. Yes, some would argue that living with others is healthy, adaptive: one is forced to learn to compromise, to be tolerant, to share. But doesn't any well-raised child learn those things anyway? Besides, if you haven't mastered these things by the time you're my age, it's hard to have much of a life.

Having a space all to myself makes it easier for me to be patient and generous with others on those occasions when I do have to share a bathroom or closet space.

And when I don't, there is still someone important with whom to share the simple daily pleasures: myself. Last week I bought myself two large bouquets¹⁴ of purple roses. Today I think I'll go and get some daffodils, and spread them all around my home, wherever my heart desires.

1 determined   

adj.坚定的；有决心的

参考例句：

• I have determined on going to Tibet after graduation.我已决定毕业后去西藏。
• He determined to view the rooms behind the office.他决定查看一下办公室后面的房间。

2 solitude   

n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方

参考例句：

• People need a chance to reflect on spiritual matters in solitude. 人们需要独处的机会来反思精神上的事情。
• They searched for a place where they could live in solitude. 他们寻找一个可以过隐居生活的地方。

3 ashtrays   

烟灰缸( ashtray的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• A simple question: why are there ashtrays in a no-smoking restaurant? 问题是：一个禁止吸烟的餐厅为什么会有烟灰缸呢？
• Avoid temptation by throwing away all cigarettes, lighters and ashtrays. 把所有的香烟，打火机，和烟灰缸扔掉以避免引诱。

4 dictates   

n.命令，规定，要求( dictate的名词复数 )v.大声讲或读( dictate的第三人称单数 )；口授；支配；摆布

参考例句：

• Convention dictates that a minister should resign in such a situation. 依照常规部长在这种情况下应该辞职。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He always follows the dictates of common sense. 他总是按常识行事。 来自《简明英汉词典》

5 peeks   

n.偷看，窥视( peek的名词复数 )v.很快地看( peek的第三人称单数 )；偷看；窥视；微露出

参考例句：

• A freckle-face blenny peeks from its reef burrow in the Solomon Islands. 奇特的海生物图片画廊。一只斑点面容粘鱼窥视从它的暗礁穴在所罗门群岛。 来自互联网
• She peeks at her neighbor from the curtain. 她从窗帘后面窥视她的邻居。 来自互联网

6 tantalizing   

adj.逗人的；惹弄人的；撩人的；煽情的v.逗弄，引诱，折磨( tantalize的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• This was my first tantalizing glimpse of the islands. 这是我第一眼看见的这些岛屿的动人美景。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• We have only vague and tantalizing glimpses of his power. 我们只能隐隐约约地领略他的威力，的确有一种可望不可及的感觉。 来自英汉非文学 - 历史

7 lures   

吸引力，魅力（lure的复数形式）

参考例句：

• He left home because of the lures of life in the city. 他离家是由于都市生活的诱惑。
• Perhaps it is the desire for solitude or the chance of making an unexpected discovery that lures men down to the depths of the earth. 可能正是寻觅幽静的去处，或者找个猎奇的机会的欲望引诱着人们进入地球的深处。

8 liberating   

解放，释放( liberate的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• Revolution means liberating the productive forces. 革命就是为了解放生产力。
• They had already taken on their shoulders the burden of reforming society and liberating mankind. 甚至在这些集会聚谈中，他们就已经夸大地把改革社会、解放人群的责任放在自己的肩头了。 来自汉英文学 - 家（1-26） - 家（1-26）

9 sanctuary   

n.圣所，圣堂，寺庙；禁猎区，保护区

参考例句：

• There was a sanctuary of political refugees behind the hospital.医院后面有一个政治难民的避难所。
• Most countries refuse to give sanctuary to people who hijack aeroplanes.大多数国家拒绝对劫机者提供庇护。

10 lipstick   

n.口红，唇膏

参考例句：

• Taking out her lipstick,she began to paint her lips.她拿出口红，开始往嘴唇上抹。
• Lipstick and hair conditioner are cosmetics.口红和护发素都是化妆品。

11 resentment   

n.怨愤，忿恨

参考例句：

• All her feelings of resentment just came pouring out.她一股脑儿倾吐出所有的怨恨。
• She cherished a deep resentment under the rose towards her employer.她暗中对她的雇主怀恨在心。

12 annoyance   

n.恼怒，生气，烦恼

参考例句：

• Why do you always take your annoyance out on me?为什么你不高兴时总是对我出气？
• I felt annoyance at being teased.我恼恨别人取笑我。

13 fixtures   

（房屋等的）固定装置( fixture的名词复数 )； 如（浴盆、抽水马桶）； 固定在某位置的人或物； （定期定点举行的）体育活动

参考例句：

• The insurance policy covers the building and any fixtures contained therein. 保险单为这座大楼及其中所有的设施保了险。
• The fixtures had already been sold and the sum divided. 固定设备已经卖了，钱也分了。 来自英汉文学 - 嘉莉妹妹

14 bouquets   

n.花束( bouquet的名词复数 )；（酒的）芳香

参考例句：

• The welcoming crowd waved their bouquets. 欢迎的群众摇动着花束。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• As the hero stepped off the platform, he was surrounded by several children with bouquets. 当英雄走下讲台时，已被几名手持花束的儿童围住了。 来自《简明英汉词典》