雅思写作批改实例：环境保护问题

 　　WRITING TASK 2

　　You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

　　Write about the following topic:

　　Environmental problems are too big for individual countries and individual people to address. In other words, we have reached the stage where the only way to protect the environment is at an international level.

　　To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

　　Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

　　Write at least 250 words.

　　Recent decades have witness target=_blank class=infotextkey>witnessed enormous environmental challenges, such as toxic¹ groundwater, polluted air and acid rain. Although many people subscribe² to the belief that these problems are so big that can be only addressed at an international level, (1)I only partly agree with it. (2)

　　1. 同义改写的力度还可以再大一些的!big可以改为severe; addressed 可以改为tackled, at international level 可以改为through international cooperation.

　　2. 没有这样写的啦。其实你的意思就是不同意。可以改为具体一点的内容，I believe that individual countries and citizens also play a key role in environmental protection.

　　It is true that environmental concerns should be dealt with through joint³ efforts from countries. To start with, problems today like dust storms are so widespread that they can hardly be confined to one particular country, which means it is every country’s obligation to handle the problems. In addition, international cooperation can effectively boost the progress (3) in improving the environment. For instance, signing international treaties restricts (4) developed countries to produce carbon footprints (5) due to industrial process, which contributes significantly to resolving global warming.

　　3. boost跟progress可不是固定搭配哦。可以改为accelerate, facilitate。

　　4. 搭配不当。你查一下restrict的用法，一般只能跟sth.， 不能加sb. to do sth.的。只有~ oneself to (doing) sth.

　　朗文：http://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/restrict

　　牛津：http://oald8.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/dictionary/restrict

　　这里可以改为International treaties can effectively restrict the emission⁴ of greenhouse gases from industries in developed countries.

　　5. 搭配不当。碳足迹不能跟produce搭配的。改为greenhouse gases就可以了。

　　However, it does not mean individual countries and individual people can do nothing to fulfill⁵ their environmental responsibilities. To enhance public awareness⁶ of environmental protection, the government should constitute more rigid⁷ laws and regulations as well as encouraging (6) the media to have a wider coverage⁸ of environmental deterioration⁹. Only when people become truly aware of the current status can they take actions (7) for sustainable development.

　　6. 注意as well as后面所接动词的形式取决于前一个动词，而非一定用动名词形式。

　　7. “采取措施”可以用take measures，可以说take steps, 但是take action，后面不能加s。这个细节要记得呀!

　　可以参考牛津高阶http://oald8.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/dictionary/step，倒数第三行。

　　As for individuals, a simpler lifestyle is a considerate step for improvement. For example, citizens can choose public transport instead of private cars, which in some way reduce (8) carbon emissions¹⁰. Likewise, as customer, (9) individuals are supposed to reuse shopping bags and purchase eco-friendly products. Also, by recycling and sorting household waste, much energy resources (10)can be saved.

　　8. 注意主谓一致的问题。从句中的主语which替代的是前面的一整句话，所以相当于一个单数。加s。

　　9. 注意名词单复数的问题。可数名词不能“裸用”，即前面没有冠词，后面也不加s。这里改为复数就好了。

　　10. 注意了!resources是复数，怎能用much修饰?改为considerable/ enormous/substantial。

　　In conclusion, solving the environmental problems is not only a matter of international cooperation, but also an obligation for individual countries and citizens. Only by combing external and domestic efforts can such issues be effectively resolved.

1 toxic   

adj.有毒的，因中毒引起的

参考例句：

• The factory had accidentally released a quantity of toxic waste into the sea.这家工厂意外泄漏大量有毒废物到海中。
• There is a risk that toxic chemicals might be blasted into the atmosphere.爆炸后有毒化学物质可能会进入大气层。

2 subscribe   

vi.(to)订阅，订购；同意；vt.捐助，赞助

参考例句：

• I heartily subscribe to that sentiment.我十分赞同那个观点。
• The magazine is trying to get more readers to subscribe.该杂志正大力发展新订户。

3 joint   

adj.联合的，共同的；n.关节，接合处；v.连接，贴合

参考例句：

• I had a bad fall,which put my shoulder out of joint.我重重地摔了一跤，肩膀脫臼了。
• We wrote a letter in joint names.我们联名写了封信。

4 emission   

n.发出物，散发物；发出，散发

参考例句：

• Rigorous measures will be taken to reduce the total pollutant emission.采取严格有力措施，降低污染物排放总量。
• Finally,the way to effectively control particulate emission is pointed out.最后，指出有效降低颗粒排放的方向。

5 fulfill   

vt.履行，实现，完成；满足，使满意

参考例句：

• If you make a promise you should fulfill it.如果你许诺了，你就要履行你的诺言。
• This company should be able to fulfill our requirements.这家公司应该能够满足我们的要求。

6 awareness   

n.意识，觉悟，懂事，明智

参考例句：

• There is a general awareness that smoking is harmful.人们普遍认识到吸烟有害健康。
• Environmental awareness has increased over the years.这些年来人们的环境意识增强了。

7 rigid   

adj.严格的，死板的；刚硬的，僵硬的

参考例句：

• She became as rigid as adamant.她变得如顽石般的固执。
• The examination was so rigid that nearly all aspirants were ruled out.考试很严，几乎所有的考生都被淘汰了。

8 coverage   

n.报导，保险范围，保险额，范围，覆盖

参考例句：

• There's little coverage of foreign news in the newspaper.报纸上几乎没有国外新闻报道。
• This is an insurance policy with extensive coverage.这是一项承保范围广泛的保险。

9 deterioration   

n.退化；恶化；变坏

参考例句：

• Mental and physical deterioration both occur naturally with age. 随着年龄的增长，心智和体力自然衰退。
• The car's bodywork was already showing signs of deterioration. 这辆车的车身已经显示出了劣化迹象。

10 emissions   

排放物( emission的名词复数 )； 散发物（尤指气体）

参考例句：

• Most scientists accept that climate change is linked to carbon emissions. 大多数科学家都相信气候变化与排放的含碳气体有关。
• Dangerous emissions radiate from plutonium. 危险的辐射物从钚放散出来。