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朋友,想说分手不容易

时间:2013-04-27 00:45来源:互联网 提供网友:mapleleaf   字体: [ ]
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    (单词翻译:双击或拖选)

   Linda Lajterman suffered one of the worst experiences of her life while on a cruise with her husband and two other couples. Halfway1 through the trip, one of her friends stopped talking to her -- for good.

  琳达?拉哲特曼(Linda Lajterman)在与丈夫和另外两对夫妇乘船游览的时候遭遇了她这辈子最不愉快的经历。半路上,她的一个朋友不理她了,而且永远不理她了。
  Ms. Lajterman says she has no idea what prompted the woman, who was one of her best friends, to cut her off. They helped take care of each other's kids, celebrated2 family events together and shared confidences. After the cruise, which took place a few years ago, she called her friend and asked for an explanation, but received none. She says she was devastated3.
  拉哲特曼说,她不知道是什么事让最好的朋友和她绝交了。她们曾帮对方照看小孩,一起举办家庭庆祝活动,分享秘密。在旅行过后,她打电话给那个朋友,请她作出解释,不过对方什么也没说。这已经是几年前的事了。拉哲特曼说,她因此感到很伤心。
  I would have welcomed the opportunity to apologize or discuss it if I did anything wrong,' says Ms. Lajterman, a 52-year-old nurse from Ramsey, N.J. 'Instead, it took me three self-help books and two years to make peace with the fact that someone I thought was a good friend ended our friendship.'
  现年52岁的拉哲特曼是新泽西州拉姆齐的一名护士。她说,如果是我做错了什么事,我希望有机会道歉,或者和她好好谈谈。相反,我却是在读了三本自助书,花了两年的时间后才让自己接受了这个事实──我以为是好朋友的人和我绝交了。
  There are 50 ways to leave your lover, according to Paul Simon. But how many ways are there to leave a friend?正如保罗?西蒙(Paul Simon)在歌中唱到的,离开情人的方法有50种。不过,离开朋友的方法有多少种呢?
  I know, it's a terrible question. But think about it: Some of the worst breakups in our lives are not with romantic partners. They are with friends -- the people with whom we often share our deepest thoughts. Friends provide guidance, encouragement, laughter and a refuge. Losing a good friend can be one of the saddest experiences in life.
  我知道,这个问题很可怕。不过好好想想:我们人生中最糟糕的分手经历有些并不是和情人之间。有些是和朋友──那些我们经常分享自己内心深处想法的人。朋友能够给你指引、鼓励、欢笑和避风港。失去一个好朋友有可能是一辈子最让人难过的经历之一。
  And yet, many friendships just don't last. Some simply fizzle out, victims of routine life events such as moves, job changes, divorce or a divergence4 of interests.不过,很多友谊就是无法持久。有些是无疾而终,成为搬家、工作变动、离婚和兴趣不同等普通人生过程的牺牲品。
  Others end badly. Rob Wilson, 53, a writer in Atlanta, saw a 12-year friendship abruptly5 end after he mentioned he was voting for George W. Bush in the 2004 presidential election. Arthur Newton, 46, a hotel manager from Austin, Texas, had a female friend tell him she couldn't hang out with him anymore because her husband was jealous.
  有些则是不欢而散。53岁的罗伯?威尔逊(Rob Wilson)是亚特兰大的一位作家。在2004年的总统大选中,他向朋友提到自己投了布什(George W. Bush)的票,之后两人之间12年的友谊就戛然而止了。得克萨斯州奥斯汀46岁的酒店经理亚瑟?牛顿(Arthur Newton)的一个女性朋友告诉他,因为她丈夫嫉妒,所以她无法继续和他做朋友了。
  Michael Hassard watched a good friend run away from him -- literally6. He had heard his pal7 had begun dating his ex-girlfriend, so Mr. Hassard, 39, a NASA engineer from Muscle Shoals, Ala., approached him in church one day to ask about it. But before he could speak, his friend turned and fled down a hallway, out the door and into his car. He and his former buddy8 never spoke9 again.迈克尔?哈萨德(Michael Hassard)眼睁睁地看着他的一个好朋友从他身边跑掉了。哈萨德39岁,是驻阿拉巴马州的一名美国国家航空及太空总署(NASA)工程师。他听说朋友开始与自己的前女友约会,所以有一天他在教堂见到他时,想上前问个究竟。可是还没等他开口,朋友就转身沿着走廊跑掉了,跑到门外之后进了自己的车。两人从此再没说过话。
  Friendships are such a nuanced and intriguing10 relationship that we even follow celebrity11 friend breakups, as we do their romances. Why else would we care about Mariana Pasternak but for her tell-all book about her former friendship with Martha Stewart, which ended after Ms. Pasternak testified at Ms. Stewart's 2004 trial.友谊是一种微妙而动人的关系,我们甚至会像关注名人情侣分手一样关注名人朋友分手。如果不是玛丽安娜?巴斯特纳克(Mariana Pasternak)那本有关她和“家政女皇”玛莎?斯图尔特(Martha Stewart)从前友谊的“全揭秘”书,我们又怎么会关注她呢?2004年斯图尔特受审时,巴斯特纳克曾出庭作证,之后两人的友谊就结束了。
  'It's a myth that friendships last forever,' says Irene S. Levine, a psychologist, professor of psychiatry12 at New York University's medical school and author of 'Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend.' We are tied to our family by blood and our spouses13 by law, so we are often more attentive14 to those relationships. 'Friendships are relationships of choice, so we tend to overlook them,' she says.
  纽约大学医学院精神病学教授、心理学家艾琳?莱文(Irene S. Levine)说,友谊地久天长的说法纯粹是天方夜谭。她曾著有《永远都是好朋友》(Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend)一书。她说,我们与家人之间靠血缘关系维系,和配偶之间靠法律关系维系,所以我们对家人和配偶更用心;友谊则是你选择的,所以我们往往会忽视。
  As a result, many friendships die from neglect, Dr. Levine says. And this in itself poses a very sticky problem in friendship breakups: How do you know if you're being neglected -- or dumped? What if your friend is always too busy to get together but always seems to have a good excuse? What if she never calls you, but seems happy enough to hear from you when you call?莱文说,结果就造成很多友谊因为忽视而告终。这本身就给朋友之间的分手带来了一个非常棘手的问题:你如何知道自己被忽视了,或被“抛弃”了?如果你的朋友总是看起来忙得无法和你见面,又总是看起来有很好的理由怎么办?如果她从来不给你打电话,但在你打给她的时候看起来很高兴呢?
  And there's the rub. There are no rules or even societal norms for friendship breakups. Friends who want to split don't go to counseling or get a mediator15 or a lawyer, as divorcing couples do. And there typically aren't a bunch of nosy16 relatives willing to intervene and relay messages, as there are when a split is within a family.问题是,对于朋友之间的分手,并没有什么规则可言,甚至没有社交惯例可循。要分手的朋友不会像离婚的夫妻一样去找顾问咨询,或是找个调解人或律师。与夫妻分手不同的时,朋友分手通常也没有一大群叽叽喳喳的亲戚想要干预或在中间传话。
  Also, dissolving a friendship is harder than ever these days, with so many digital ties holding us together, from social-networking Web sites like Facebook to stored numbers in cellphones.
  此外,与朋友分手如今变得比以往更难了,因为有那么多的数字纽带将我们连在一起,从Facebook等社交网站到手机上存储的电话号码。
  Dave Nadkarni can tell you all about it. When he decided17 to end a relationship a few years ago with a close female friend he felt was spreading rumors18 about him, he stopped returning her calls, defriended her on Facebook, blocked her on his instant-message list, stopped following her on Twitter and changed her name in his cellphone to 'Do Not Pick Up.' 'It was cathartic,' he says.大卫?纳德卡尼(Dave Nadkarni)对此深有感触。几年前他决定和一位他觉得说自己坏话的红颜知己绝交的时候,他不回她的电话,在Facebook不再把她列为好友,在即时消息名单上把她屏蔽掉,不再关注她的“推文”,把手机中她的名字改成了“不要接听”。他说,这真像是来了一场大扫除。
  But it didn't work. His friend got the hint and stopped calling him, and he has successfully avoided seeing her in real life. But he still runs into her constantly online, every time a mutual19 friend retweets her Twitter posts or she leaves a comment on a mutual Facebook friend's status update.
  不过却没有用。他的那个女性朋友明白了他的暗示,不再给他打电话,现实生活中他也成功地得以避免再见到她。不过他仍会经常在网上碰到她,比如每次他们共同的朋友把她的“推文”转给他,或是她在共同的Facebook朋友的状态更新中留言的时候。
  'It sucks,' says Mr. Nadkarni, 29, a sales rep for a security company in Las Vegas. 'It's like the dog that's stuck on your leg that you can't shake off.'
  现年29岁的纳德卡尼是拉斯维加斯一家安保公司的销售代表。他说,太糟糕了,就像是一只咬着你腿不放、你怎么都摆脱不掉的狗。
  So how do you finish off a friendship? Are some ways better than others?
  你是如何结束一场友谊的?有没有什么好的分手方法?

点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 halfway Xrvzdq     
adj.中途的,不彻底的,部分的;adv.半路地,在中途,在半途
参考例句:
  • We had got only halfway when it began to get dark.走到半路,天就黑了。
  • In study the worst danger is give up halfway.在学习上,最忌讳的是有始无终。
2 celebrated iwLzpz     
adj.有名的,声誉卓著的
参考例句:
  • He was soon one of the most celebrated young painters in England.不久他就成了英格兰最负盛名的年轻画家之一。
  • The celebrated violinist was mobbed by the audience.观众团团围住了这位著名的小提琴演奏家。
3 devastated eb3801a3063ef8b9664b1b4d1f6aaada     
v.彻底破坏( devastate的过去式和过去分词);摧毁;毁灭;在感情上(精神上、财务上等)压垮adj.毁坏的;极为震惊的
参考例句:
  • The bomb devastated much of the old part of the city. 这颗炸弹炸毁了旧城的一大片地方。
  • His family is absolutely devastated. 他的一家感到极为震惊。
4 divergence kkazz     
n.分歧,岔开
参考例句:
  • There is no sure cure for this transatlantic divergence.没有什么灵丹妙药可以消除大西洋两岸的分歧。
  • In short,it was an age full of conflicts and divergence of values.总之,这一时期是矛盾与价值观分歧的时期。
5 abruptly iINyJ     
adv.突然地,出其不意地
参考例句:
  • He gestured abruptly for Virginia to get in the car.他粗鲁地示意弗吉尼亚上车。
  • I was abruptly notified that a half-hour speech was expected of me.我突然被通知要讲半个小时的话。
6 literally 28Wzv     
adv.照字面意义,逐字地;确实
参考例句:
  • He translated the passage literally.他逐字逐句地翻译这段文字。
  • Sometimes she would not sit down till she was literally faint.有时候,她不走到真正要昏厥了,决不肯坐下来。
7 pal j4Fz4     
n.朋友,伙伴,同志;vi.结为友
参考例句:
  • He is a pal of mine.他是我的一个朋友。
  • Listen,pal,I don't want you talking to my sister any more.听着,小子,我不让你再和我妹妹说话了。
8 buddy 3xGz0E     
n.(美口)密友,伙伴
参考例句:
  • Calm down,buddy.What's the trouble?压压气,老兄。有什么麻烦吗?
  • Get out of my way,buddy!别挡道了,你这家伙!
9 spoke XryyC     
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说
参考例句:
  • They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
  • The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。
10 intriguing vqyzM1     
adj.有趣的;迷人的v.搞阴谋诡计(intrigue的现在分词);激起…的好奇心
参考例句:
  • These discoveries raise intriguing questions. 这些发现带来了非常有趣的问题。
  • It all sounds very intriguing. 这些听起来都很有趣。 来自《简明英汉词典》
11 celebrity xcRyQ     
n.名人,名流;著名,名声,名望
参考例句:
  • Tom found himself something of a celebrity. 汤姆意识到自己已小有名气了。
  • He haunted famous men, hoping to get celebrity for himself. 他常和名人在一起, 希望借此使自己获得名气。
12 psychiatry g0Jze     
n.精神病学,精神病疗法
参考例句:
  • The study appeared in the Amercian science Journal of Psychiatry.这个研究发表在美国精神病学的杂志上。
  • A physician is someone who specializes in psychiatry.精神病专家是专门从事精神病治疗的人。
13 spouses 3fbe4097e124d44af1bc18e63e898b65     
n.配偶,夫或妻( spouse的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • Jobs are available for spouses on campus and in the community. 校园里和社区里有配偶可做的工作。 来自辞典例句
  • An astonishing number of spouses-most particularly in the upper-income brackets-have no close notion of their husbands'paychecks. 相当大一部分妇女——特别在高收入阶层——并不很了解他们丈夫的薪金。 来自辞典例句
14 attentive pOKyB     
adj.注意的,专心的;关心(别人)的,殷勤的
参考例句:
  • She was very attentive to her guests.她对客人招待得十分周到。
  • The speaker likes to have an attentive audience.演讲者喜欢注意力集中的听众。
15 mediator uCkxk     
n.调解人,中介人
参考例句:
  • He always takes the role of a mediator in any dispute.他总是在争论中充当调停人的角色。
  • He will appear in the role of mediator.他将出演调停者。
16 nosy wR0zK     
adj.鼻子大的,好管闲事的,爱追问的;n.大鼻者
参考例句:
  • Our nosy neighbours are always looking in through our windows.好管闲事的邻居总是从我们的窗口望进来。
  • My landlord is so nosy.He comes by twice a month to inspect my apartment.我的房东很烦人,他每个月都要到我公寓视察两次。
17 decided lvqzZd     
adj.决定了的,坚决的;明显的,明确的
参考例句:
  • This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
  • There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。
18 rumors 2170bcd55c0e3844ecb4ef13fef29b01     
n.传闻( rumor的名词复数 );[古]名誉;咕哝;[古]喧嚷v.传闻( rumor的第三人称单数 );[古]名誉;咕哝;[古]喧嚷
参考例句:
  • Rumors have it that the school was burned down. 有谣言说学校给烧掉了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • Rumors of a revolt were afloat. 叛变的谣言四起。 来自《简明英汉词典》
19 mutual eFOxC     
adj.相互的,彼此的;共同的,共有的
参考例句:
  • We must pull together for mutual interest.我们必须为相互的利益而通力合作。
  • Mutual interests tied us together.相互的利害关系把我们联系在一起。
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