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Unit 2
Manners
After-Class Reading
PASSAGE 1 Who Pays the Check?
On their first date, Maureen and Dennis ate at one of the most popular Italian restaurants in town. The two, who had met at a fitness club[1], enjoyed each other's company at dinner, but when the waiter later placed the check between them, the relaxed mood of the evening seemed to vanish. Who would pay the check? Dennis had asked Maureen out, but she had been the one to suggest dinner and at this particular restaurant. He seemed to hesitate, then reached for the bill. "Oh, no, he wanted me to offer," Maureen thought. "Is it too late now — how much should I pay?"
The days when men were the only ones to ask for dates, and women had their evenings paid for, seem to be on the wane, but there are no rules about who pays for what when couples go out. Instead, many women and men tend to play it by ear, often trying to second-guess each other. For instance, a woman may wonder: "Should I pay for half for the sake of equality and to avoid any notion that I owe him anything?" A man may wonder: "Should I pick up the tab on the first date and hope she'll get it the next time?"
Who pays for a date can establish or reflect the roles of each person in the relationship. Dr Catherine Gildner, a Toronto psychologist, says money gives a person a measure of power. If a man asks a woman out and picks up the entire tab, it casts the couple into traditional roles, which some women and men now find unsuitable. In some cases, a woman resents a date if he feels that, by paying, he has more power — e.g., to choose the restaurant and meal — or he mistakenly assumes that she is obliged to him in some way[2]. Or a man may resent a date who automatically expects him to be entirely responsible for the bill. Splitting the check on the first few dates can help start the relationship as one between two equals, Dr Gildner suggests. It also allows you to evaluate each other more objectively. For instance, it helps to prevent any notion that you're obliged to your date in some way merely because he picked up the tab for an expensive evening. And it may reassure him that you're dating him to spend time with him — not to eat for free[3]. It may also mean the two of you can afford to go out more often.
When possible[4], it is best to deal with dating expenses in the beginning, according to Bruce Barnes, a Toronto psychotherapist. For example, suppose that you like to pay your way[5] on a first date and a man invites you to dinner at his favorite restaurant, which you know is pricey. You might reply, "I'd love to go out with you, but that restaurant is too expensive for me." Then, you could suggest another place. This way, "you can both sit back and enjoy the meal without any hidden expectations or assumptions," Barnes says.
Sharing dating expenses needn't involve using a calculator to tabulate who drank more wine or who had dessert. If you want to split the check, 50-50 is probably best, despite who ate what. Barnes says that other egalitarian methods of dating, such as paying on alternate dates or reciprocating with home-cooked meals, can also help you maintain an equal balance in a relationship. For example, some women and men feel that the person who initiated the date — regardless of whether it was the man or the woman — should pick up the tab the first time, then the other person can reciprocate next time.
Barnes says some men who are insecure feel that their masculinity is threatened when a woman picks up the tab. If your date always insists on paying the entire bill and you prefer to share the cost at least sometimes, you might say, "I wouldn't have accepted your invitation unless I wanted to go out with you and pay for half."
On the other hand, some women who insist on paying 50 percent of everything on every date may be revealing their own insecurity: they may be unsure of their independence and need to prove it all the time, according to Dr Gildner. She says that the 50-50 arrangement need not be a rule "for all times and forever." As you become more secure in a relationship and see each other more often, you can work out arrangements that suit each of you.
Indeed, splitting the bill 50-50 is sometimes unfair. For example, Barnes suggests that you assume your date is picking up the check if he asks you out, then chooses a restaurant without consulting you, and orders an expensive entrée and a bottle of wine to match[6], while you're modest in your meal selection. In this situation, if your date looks at the check and says, "Your half comes to...," he's not a liberated man who is treating you as an equal — he's just plain cheap[7], says Barnes. (848 words)
Proper Names
Amy Vanderbilt
（女子名）艾米.范德比尔特
Dutch
荷兰的
Emily
（女子名）埃米莉
Jane Trahey
（女子名）简.特拉希
New Words
advancement*
n. the obtaining of a higher position or rank 提升，升级
awkward
adj. causing inconvenience, anxiety or embarrassment 尴尬的
e.g. You are putting me in an awkward position.
baffle
v. confuse, to puzzle 使困惑
e.g. The problem baffled all the candidates.
blessing
n. something that brings happiness 幸事，喜事
e.g. It was a blessing that no one was injured.
concerned*
adj. involved, interested 有关的，有牵连的
e.g. As far as I'm concerned, they're making an unnecessary fuss.
dummy
n. a stupid person; fool 傻瓜
entrepreneur
n. a person who starts a company or business, with the chance of profit or loss 企业家
etiquette
n. the formal rules for polite behavior in society or in a particular group 礼节，礼仪
exit
v. leave a place 出去，离去
e.g. She exited without being noticed.
n. a door or space through which one can leave a place; the act of leaving a place 出去，离去；出口，安全门
e.g. I ) After the performance, the actress made a graceful exit.
II ) There are two emergency exits, one at the back and the other at the front of the hall.
foolhardy
adj. foolishly brave; taking unnecessary risks 鲁莽的
e.g. She is foolhardy enough to risk all her money on this crazy plan.
fragile
adj. easily damaged, broken or harmed 易损坏的，易受伤害的
e.g. Be careful with that vase-it's very fragile and worth a lot of money.
garbage
n. rubbish 垃圾 废物
initiative
n. the first movement or act which starts something happening 主动的行动，倡仪
e.g. He went to see the dean on his own initiative.
innate
adj. in one's nature; possessed by birth 天生的，固有的
e.g. The ability to learn language is an innate human ability.
lout
n. a rude, violent man粗鄙的人，举止粗鲁的人
lurk
v. wait somewhere quietly and secretly, usually because one is going to do something wrong 潜伏，埋伏
e.g. There was a man lurking in the bushes.
outlive
v. to live longer than someone else 比……活得长
e.g. He outlived his elder brother by fifteen years.
steer
v. direct the course of 引导，带领
e.g. The policeman steered the children across the street.
Phrases and Expressions
as far as ... is concerned
就……而言
e.g. The rise in interest rates will be disastrous as far as small firms are concerned.
at the mercy of
unable to do anything to protect oneself from someone or something 任凭……摆布，在……面前无能为力
e.g. They were lost at sea, at the mercy of the wind.
come up
happen 发生
e.g. Let me know if anything interesting comes up.
in need of
needing help, advice, money, etc. 有……的需要，有……的必要
e.g. I was all right but badly in need of rest.
in terms of
relating to . . . , with regard to ... 在……方面，从……方面（说来）
e.g. In terms of value to this company, how much do you think you are worth?
insist on
require or demand, refusing to accept an alternative 坚决主张
e.g. My grandmother insists on cleanliness in the kitchen.
out of step
not conforming to what others are doing or thinking 与他人不协调
e.g. He is out of step with modern ideas.
pick up
collect; to arrange to go and get 取（物）；接（人），接载（人）
e.g. I will stop by your house and pick you up at noon.
refer to ... as
mention or speak about someone or something as 把……称作
e. g. She often refers to Mr Smith as "the boss".
take the initiative
take the first action; to make the first move on an issue 采取主动，首先采取行动
e.g. Anne took the initiative to discuss problems among the staff.
PASSAGE II Who Pays the Check?
On their first date, Maureen and Dennis ate at one of the most popular Italian restaurants in town. The two, who had met at a fitness club[1], enjoyed each other's company at dinner, but when the waiter later placed the check between them, the relaxed mood of the evening seemed to vanish. Who would pay the check? Dennis had asked Maureen out, but she had been the one to suggest dinner and at this particular restaurant. He seemed to hesitate, then reached for the bill. "Oh, no, he wanted me to offer," Maureen thought. "Is it too late now — how much should I pay?"
The days when men were the only ones to ask for dates, and women had their evenings paid for, seem to be on the wane, but there are no rules about who pays for what when couples go out. Instead, many women and men tend to play it by ear, often trying to second-guess each other. For instance, a woman may wonder: "Should I pay for half for the sake of equality and to avoid any notion that I owe him anything?" A man may wonder: "Should I pick up the tab on the first date and hope she'll get it the next time?"
Who pays for a date can establish or reflect the roles of each person in the relationship. Dr Catherine Gildner, a Toronto psychologist, says money gives a person a measure of power. If a man asks a woman out and picks up the entire tab, it casts the couple into traditional roles, which some women and men now find unsuitable. In some cases, a woman resents a date if he feels that, by paying, he has more power — e.g., to choose the restaurant and meal — or he mistakenly assumes that she is obliged to him in some way[2]. Or a man may resent a date who automatically expects him to be entirely responsible for the bill. Splitting the check on the first few dates can help start the relationship as one between two equals, Dr Gildner suggests. It also allows you to evaluate each other more objectively. For instance, it helps to prevent any notion that you're obliged to your date in some way merely because he picked up the tab for an expensive evening. And it may reassure him that you're dating him to spend time with him — not to eat for free[3]. It may also mean the two of you can afford to go out more often.
When possible[4], it is best to deal with dating expenses in the beginning, according to Bruce Barnes, a Toronto psychotherapist. For example, suppose that you like to pay your way[5] on a first date and a man invites you to dinner at his favorite restaurant, which you know is pricey. You might reply, "I'd love to go out with you, but that restaurant is too expensive for me." Then, you could suggest another place. This way, "you can both sit back and enjoy the meal without any hidden expectations or assumptions," Barnes says.
Sharing dating expenses needn't involve using a calculator to tabulate who drank more wine or who had dessert. If you want to split the check, 50-50 is probably best, despite who ate what. Barnes says that other egalitarian methods of dating, such as paying on alternate dates or reciprocating with home-cooked meals, can also help you maintain an equal balance in a relationship. For example, some women and men feel that the person who initiated the date — regardless of whether it was the man or the woman — should pick up the tab the first time, then the other person can reciprocate next time.
Barnes says some men who are insecure feel that their masculinity is threatened when a woman picks up the tab. If your date always insists on paying the entire bill and you prefer to share the cost at least sometimes, you might say, "I wouldn't have accepted your invitation unless I wanted to go out with you and pay for half."
On the other hand, some women who insist on paying 50 percent of everything on every date may be revealing their own insecurity: they may be unsure of their independence and need to prove it all the time, according to Dr Gildner. She says that the 50-50 arrangement need not be a rule "for all times and forever." As you become more secure in a relationship and see each other more often, you can work out arrangements that suit each of you.
Indeed, splitting the bill 50-50 is sometimes unfair. For example, Barnes suggests that you assume your date is picking up the check if he asks you out, then chooses a restaurant without consulting you, and orders an expensive entrée and a bottle of wine to match[6], while you're modest in your meal selection. In this situation, if your date looks at the check and says, "Your half comes to...," he's not a liberated man who is treating you as an equal — he's just plain cheap[7], says Barnes. (848 words)
Proper Names
Bruce Barnes
（男子名）布鲁斯.巴恩斯
Catherine Gildner
（女子名）凯瑟琳.吉尔德纳
Dennis
（男子名）丹尼斯
Italian
意大利的
Maureen
（女子名）莫林
Toronto
（地名）多伦多（加拿大东南部港市）
New Words
alternate
adj. happening or following one after another; one of every two 交替的；间隔的
e.g. I ) We have had a week of alternate rain and sunshine (时雨时晴).
II) Our committee meets on alternate Thursdays.
arrangement
n.
1) something that has been settled or agreed on 商定之事，协商
e.g. I have an arrangement with my ex-wife (前妻) to see the children every weekend.
2) (usually plural) a plan made in preparation for something 筹划，准备
e.g. They have already made all arrangements for the conference.
calculator
n. a small electronic device for making mathematical calculations 计算器
e.g. You won't be allowed to carry a programmable calculator into the exam.
consult
v. seek guidance or information from; to refer to for information 请教，咨询，查阅
e.g. I ) He consulted his doctor about his health.
II ) You'd better consult an encyclopedia (百科全书) for the details of the event.
date
n.
1) a social or romantic appointment 约会
e.g. Mary and Frank went to the movies for their first date.
2) a person with whom one has a social or romantic appointment约会对象
e.g. He said his date was one of the girls in the show.
v. to go out with someone for romantic interest 与……约会
e.g. For a year I dated a girl who was a research assistant.
egalitarian
adj. having or showing the belief that all people are equal and should have equal rights 主张平等的
entree
n. the main dish of a meal （美）主菜
fitness *
n. the state of being physically fit 健康
e.g. Physical fitness is encouraged for children in most schools.
initiate
v. cause (a process or action) to begin 开始，发起
e.g. I ) Mary initiated a conversation with the man sitting next to her.
II ) The city council has initiated a house-building program for the poor.
masculinity
n. the characteristics and qualities considered to be typical of men 男子气概
mistakenly*
adv. erroneously, incorrectly 错误地，误解地
e.g. She mistakenly believed that she could get away with not paying her taxes.
objectively*
adv. without being influenced by one's own feelings or opinions 客观地
e.g. Judges are supposed to weigh the evidence in each case logically and objectively.
pricey
adj. expensive or unduly expensive 昂贵的，过分昂贵的
e.g. A car like that is too pricey for me.
psychotherapist
n. a doctor who treats mental disorders by psychological rather than medical means 采用心理、精神疗法的医生
reassure
v. say or do something to remove the doubts and fears of someone 使放心，使消除疑虑
e.g. The mayor reassured the citizens that he would not raise taxes.
reciprocate
v. respond to (a gesture or action) by making a corresponding one 回报，酬答，反应
e.g. I ) We invited them to dinner and a week later they reciprocated.
II) If you show trust to somebody, that trust will be reciprocated.
second-guess
v. anticipate or predict by guess work 猜测，预言
e.g. He had to second-guess what the environmental regulations would be in five years' time.
split
v. (split, split) share; to divide into separate parts 分担，分享；分成若干份
e.g. I ) They split the cost of the dinner between them.
II) The book is split into three major divisions.
tab
n.
1) (informal AmE) a (restaurant) bill 待付账单
e.g. I ) At the end of the meal, Mr Smith asked for the tab.
II) Whenever we go out, my father picks up the tab.
2) a small piece of paper, cloth, etc. that is fixed to the edge of something, especially giving information about it 标签，标牌
e.g. The various sections of the cookbook are marked by colored tabs.
tabulate
v. arrange figures or information in a set or a list so that they can be easily compared列表，排成表格式
wane
n. becoming smaller, weaker, or less important 减少，减退，衰弱
Phrases and Expressions
a measure of
a certain quantity or degree of something 分量，程度
e.g. With the exception of Mary, each attained a measure of success.
on the wane
becoming less, weaker or smaller 日益衰落，衰弱，日益败落
e.g. Signs suggest that the organization is on the wane.
pick up the tab/check
pay the bill 承担全部费用
e.g. Order whatever you want. The company is going to pick up the tab.
play it by ear
decide what to do according to the way a situation develops （没有预定计划）随机应变
e.g. A spokesman said the UN team would play it by ear.
sit back
settle oneself comfortably back, e.g. in a chair 倚着靠背舒服地坐着
e.g. I sat back and enjoyed a cup a tea.
PASSAGE III Why Manners?
Almost all of us believe that we live in an age of uncouth manners, that things were better in some previous era. For example, the 18th century in England is known as a period of high refinement in social intercourse. We look back with nostalgia to the soft candle-light, the elaborate courtesies, the hand-kissing — unwilling to confront the brutal reality of a century in which dueling to the death was commonplace and gentlemen were expected to drink themselves under the table[1].
Manners change. In our day, it is considered good manners to be clean — indeed we spend billions of dollars on products designed to keep us "fresh"[2]. In the 18th century, by contrast, most doctors and church authorities frowned on bathing, and women's elegant hairdoes were often full of lice.[3]
The changeability of manners makes the whole subject difficult to approach. To take one example: It was not considered bad manners in the 18th century for a man to wear his hat indoors. You would take it off to greet a lady, but then you'd put it right back on your head.
The reason for this is perfectly plain. In the first place, the hat served as a sign of rank throughout most of history, a visible mark of status; in the second place, you couldn't draw a sword easily if you were holding a hat in your hand.
There is a lesson to be learned from this. For the most part, manners are merely self-protective devices appropriate to the customs of a particular age. These customs sometimes become formalized and symbolic, but they invariably derive from some practical need. Thus, on meeting somebody, we commonly shake right hands — a formal custom of no present-day significance. But in an age when everybody carried weapons, it was a demonstration that one was prepared to converse without a weapon in one's hand, a sign of peace. What we think of as "good manners" was merely a way of saying, "I mean you no immediate violence, if you can show that your intention is the same."[4]
In a similar spirit, the seat on the right hand of the host is the place of honor. One theory about the origin of this custom is that a right-handed man sitting on the host's right could not easily stab him. What had been the prudent place for a rival gradually became the honored seat for any important guest.
Caution lies behind manners, wherever we look.[5] In days gone by,[6] a host sampled the wine before serving it, not to check that the wine was all right but to prove to his guests that it wasn't poisoned. A wine steward used his polished silver wine server as a demonstration of the host's good will toward his guests. Silver was thought to neutralize poisons in wine.
Why do we stand aside and let someone older or more important go through the door first? One theory is that in medieval times it was sensible for the strongest man to leave the castle first, since there was always a possibility he would be met with armed opponents or the rebellious peasantry waving pitchforks and scythes. Gradually a certain honor descended upon this position.[7] It was assumed that the most important person was also the strongest, and even if he wasn't, he could hardly deny it.[7]
Manners are society's way of oiling the machinery. If you don't lubricate relationships, tempers rise and people fight unnecessary battles. Besides, it's worthwhile having good manners, so that when you drop them for a moment, people know you mean business.[8] When Dwight D. Eisenhower[9], for example, turned red and swore, people ran for cover, because he was usually extremely polite.[10]
People with good manners do better in most situations than those without.[11] Most negotiations, for example, are impossible without good manners, which explains why diplomats are famed for their courtesy.[12] The best lawyers, too, are usually exquisitely courteous. Beware of the man who never raises his voice and always treats you with courtesy — he could be going for the jugular[13].
Despite mankind's reputation for violence, most people prefer to avoid confrontation, and avoiding confrontation is what manners are all about.[14] Manners are not a demonstration of weakness, but a sign of common sense.
In the end, there is no gain in being cruel to people,[15] whether it is in the small failures of civility in daily life or in the larger ones. Manners are mankind's way of saying "Let's not fight unless we have to" — and there may be no higher wisdom than that,[16] in diplomacy, in business, in love and marriage, and in the transactions of everyday life. (776 words)
Proper Names
Dwight Eisenhower
（男子名）德怀特.艾森豪威尔
New Words
beware
v. (used in imperative and infinitive to warn someone) be very careful 当心，注意，谨防
e.g. There was a big notice on the gate saying: "Beware of the dog."
brutal
adj. showing a complete lack of kind or sensitive human feelings 无情的，野蛮的
e.g. She was taken to a small cell, where she was subjected to a brutal beating.
changeability*
n. the state of being changeable 变化无常
civility
n. politeness; the quality of having good manners 礼貌，谦恭
confrontation *
n. a situation where there is a lot of disagreement between two people or groups with very different opinions 对抗，冲突
e.g. A confrontation with UN forces is the last thing he wants.
diplomacy
n. the work of managing the relationships between countries 外交
e.g. President Bush might still seek to conclude the crisis through diplomacy.
diplomat
n. someone who officially represents their government in a foreign country 外交官
duel
v. fight with hand guns or swords, arranged between two people because of a quarrel 决斗
e.g. They had been dueling for hours and finally called for a draw.
elaborate
adj. containing a lot of small details or parts that are connected with each other in a complicated way复杂的
e.g. They are making the most elaborate preparations for the wedding.
exquisitely*
adv. in an extremely beautiful or pleasant way, especially in a delicate or refined way 精致地；精美地
e.g. Their house is exquisitely furnished.
hairdo
n. (informal) a woman's hairstyle （尤指女子）发型，做好的头发
indoors
adv. inside a building （在）室内，（在）户内
e.g. We'd better go indoors.
intercourse
n. an exchange of ideas, feelings, etc. which makes people understand each other better 往来，交往，交际
jugular
n. a vital vein in the neck 颈静脉
lice
n. (pl. of louse) small wingless insects that live on the skin and in the hair of people or animals 虱子
lubricate
v. make smooth and able to move or be moved easily, e.g. with oil 润滑，使润滑
e.g. The chain might need lubricating.
machinery
n. machines in general （总称）机器，机械
e.g. Machinery is being introduced to save labor.
medieval
adj. connected with the Middle Ages (the period in history between about 1100 and 1500)中世纪的；中古的
e.g. He was giving us lectures on medieval German literature.
neutralize *
v. prevent from having any effect or to make a substance chemically neutral 使失效、抵消；使中和
e.g. I ) The incident seems likely to neutralize whatever goodwill has been generated.
II) I neutralized the acid in my stomach by taking an antacid （解酸药）
opponent
n. someone who is on the opposite side in a contest, fight, or argument 对手，敌手
e.g. He would avoid his opponent and not speak to him.
origin
n. a starting point 起源，开端
e.g. The reporter tracked down the origin of the rumor （谣言）.
peasantry
n. all the peasants of a particular country 农民（总称）
pitchfork
n. a large tool shaped like a fork, used for moving hay, or other plant materials 干草叉，长柄草耙
prudent
adj. thinking carefully before taking actions; careful to avoid risks, unpleasantness, difficulties, etc. 慎重的，谨慎的
e.g. It would be prudent to think carefully before you make your decision.
rebellious*
adj. showing a desire to resist authority, control, or convention 反抗的，难控制的，叛逆的
reputation
n. the opinion that people have about someone or something 名誉，名声
e.g. She had a reputation as a very good writer.
scythe
n. a farming tool that has a long curved blade fixed to a wooden handle, as is used to cut grain or long grass 大镰刀
server
n. something used in serving food, drink, etc., especially at a formal meal （特别是正餐时使用的）盘、盆等上菜、上饮料用的器具
stab
v. push a knife into someone or something 刺伤，戳伤
e.g. He was jailed for fifteen years for stabbing his wife.
steward
n. a person who arranges the supply and serving of food, wine, etc.服务员，招待员，膳务员
temper
n.
1) an angry, impatient, or bad state of mind 恶劣的心情，心绪焦躁
e.g. John's in a temper today, so try not to annoy him.
2) a person's present or habitual state of mind 性情，脾气
e.g. I hope he can control his temper because he is one of the most talented players in the country.
theory
n. an idea or set of ideas that is intended to explain something about life or the world, especially one that has not yet been proved true 理论
transaction
n. a business deal 事务，交易
e.g. My bank statement (银行对账单) shows all my transactions each month.
uncouth
adj. behaving and speaking in a way that is rude or socially unacceptable 无教养的，粗鲁的
visible
adj. able to be seen 明显的，看得见的
e.g. Employees must wear their badges (标记) , so they are visible.
Phrases and Expressions
descend on
develop suddenly and be felt throughout a place, or by a person or group of people 突然降临、笼罩
e.g. I) Silence descended on the room.
II) An uneasy calm descended on the area.
for the most part
in most cases, usually 多半，通常，在极大程度上
e.g. Professors, for the most part, are firmly committed to teaching, not research.
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