淘宝的逆天脑洞我们跟不上！

 

 

Those wondering exactly where they can find human breast milk soap, a live fox or a David 'Bickham' sex doll need look no further: China's answer to eBay stocks them all.

那些好奇哪里可以买到人类母乳皂、一只活生生的狐狸，或是大卫“贝克汉姆”的仿真玩偶（请自行领会）再也不用找了！中国的eBay真是太！逆！天！了！

Taobao is a treasure-trove for those hunting for the unusual, eccentric or just plain worrying, boasting around 760million products for sale at any one time.

淘宝是为那些淘寻不同寻常的、稀奇古怪的，或是为自己买的东西甚为担忧的人准备的，时时刻刻在这里都能找到7亿6000万商品——真是一个地下宝库的说！

The David Bickham sex doll is no doubt one of the more popular on offer on Tabao - although it has to be said, at 1.7 metres it is 13 centimetres shorter than its real-life inspiration.

大卫“贝克汉姆”仿真玩偶（咳咳）毫无疑问是淘宝上的爆款——虽然必须提到一点，比起真人1.7米的身高，这货矮了13厘米。

All the same, at £52.10 the pink shirted Mr Bickham could certainly be seen as a bargain - and the suppliers know it.

同时，52.1镑的粉T贝克汉姆先生完全是个便宜货——卖家心里跟明镜似的~

 

 

 

Should one be in need of a boyfriend, Taobao has a few available to hire.

你们急需男友嘛？淘宝还可以出租哒。

Boyfriends for hire are increasingly popular in China, with demand rising thanks to the phenomenon of the 'leftover¹ woman': a phrase to describe any woman who reaches her late-20s single.

租男友在中国现在超流行，因为“剩女”大行其道：剩女就是指那些快30了还没嫁出去的妹子。

Many fake boyfriends are used by women sick of parents nagging² them about not having other halves, so they take home a pretend one to appease³ them.

许多冒牌男友都是女性租了以后，回家应付父母催婚的，所以带假男友回家缓和一下父母的焦虑。

The fake boyfriend pictured below says he has a 'distinct look and a warm personality'. Services start at £54.30.

假男友照片底下注释“相貌极佳，暖男一枚”。叫价54.3镑起。

 

Fake girlfriends are also available on the website - although these ones are purely⁴ remote, like the WeChat Girlfriend.

虚拟女友也可以网租——虽然这些人就远多了，就像微信女友一样。

WeChat is China's most popular smartphone messaging app, and for £2.06 a day the user will get at least 15 messages from their pretend princess.

微信是中国最受欢迎的手机短讯息app，每天2.06英镑，用户就能没收到虚拟女友至少15条短信。

这些都远远不够劲爆，逆天还有各种——

英媒：请问这些真的适合家养吗！！！还有这只蜘蛛确定不是染的吗！！！

英媒：听说这本教你30天灵魂出窍的书才22便士，尼玛简直物超所值啊！！！

英媒：成龙鼻子同款挤洗手液器~里面挤出的洗手液颜色可以自选……ill（额）……

英媒：卧槽9.9镑买一瓶屁！还尼玛开瓶后持“臭”72小时逗我呢？！

英媒：传说中的维密秀同款翅膀……传说中的卖家秀和买家秀……节操呢？！！！

英国网友纷纷好评如潮……已经等不及全球直邮了——

@Morris Chaoser

How is it that have I just found out about this site! There are many items on there that will complete my life!!

我特么才找到这个网站！！！上面可以买的东西让我整个人生都完整了啊啊啊啊！！！

@the speaking clock

Well this website is going to keep me entertained tonight.

呵呵这个网站能让我乐一整晚！  

@Traycee

A fart in a bottle wtf lol!

（还能买到）一瓶屁！！！什么鬼哈哈哈哈~

PS：I bought one of these and was highly disappointed. Smelled like eggs.

追加：我买了一瓶，差评！闻起来像鸡蛋的说！！！

 

1 leftover   

n.剩货，残留物，剩饭；adj.残余的

参考例句：

• These narrow roads are a leftover from the days of horse-drawn carriages.这些小道是从马车时代沿用下来的。
• Wonder if that bakery lets us take leftover home.不知道那家糕饼店会不会让我们把卖剩的带回家。

2 nagging   

adj.唠叨的，挑剔的；使人不得安宁的v.不断地挑剔或批评（某人）( nag的现在分词 )；不断地烦扰或伤害（某人）；无休止地抱怨；不断指责

参考例句：

• Stop nagging—I'll do it as soon as I can. 别唠叨了—我会尽快做的。
• I've got a nagging pain in my lower back. 我后背下方老是疼。 来自《简明英汉词典》

3 appease   

v.安抚，缓和，平息，满足

参考例句：

• He tried to appease the crying child by giving him candy.他试图给那个啼哭的孩子糖果使他不哭。
• The government tried to appease discontented workers.政府试图安抚不满的工人们。

4 purely   

adv.纯粹地，完全地

参考例句：

• I helped him purely and simply out of friendship.我帮他纯粹是出于友情。
• This disproves the theory that children are purely imitative.这证明认为儿童只会单纯地模仿的理论是站不住脚的。