2006年NPR美国国家公共电台十二月-I Always Have a Choice

On Mondays we bring you our series: This I Believe.

For thirty years, Catherine Royce of Dore Chester Massachusetts was a dancer. 3 years ago at the age of 55, she was diagnosed with ALS, Lou Gehrig's disease. She has developed her belief as she has lost control of her own body. Here's our series curator, independent producer Jay Allison.

Catherine Royce wanted to read her essay aloud while her voice was still strong. She says that these days she's, "engaged in active contemplation of the roll death place in a full and joyful¹ life.” And that her statement of belief came naturally from that meditation². Here is Catherine Royce with her essay for This I Believe.

I believe that I always have a choice. No matter what I'm doing, no matter what is happening to me, I always have a choice.

I have spent my life typing on a keyboard, but now, I can no longer use my hands. Every day I sit at my computer, speaking words into a microphone instead of typing. In 2003 I was diagnosed with ALS, Lou Gehrig's disease. Over time this disease will weaken and finally destroy every significant muscle in my body. Ultimately I will be unable to move, to speak and finally, to breathe.

Already I'm largely dependent upon others, so every day I review my choices. Living with ALS seems a bit like going into the witness protection program. Everything I have ever known about myself --How I look, how I act, how I interact with the world--is rapidly and radically³ changing. And yet with each change, I still have choice. When I could no longer type with my hands, I knew I could give up writing entirely⁴ or I could go through the arduous⁵ processes of learning to use voice recognition software. I'm not a young woman. This took real work. Interestingly, I write more now than ever. Every day I choose not only how I will live but if I'll live.

I have no particular religious mandate⁶ that forbids contemplating⁷ a shorter life, an action that would deny this disease its ultimate expression.

But this is where my belief in choice truly finds its power. I can choose to see ALS as nothing more than a death sentence. Or, I can choose to see it as an invitation-- an opportunity to learn who I truly am. Even people in the witness protection program must take with them, fundamental aspects of themselves which can never change.
What are these aspects for me? So far, I have discovered many unique things, but one stands out above the rest.

I have discovered in myself an ability to recognize, give and receive caring in a way far deeper than anything in my life before.

I have always been an intensely private and independent person. But now I have allowed a wide circle of family and friends into the most intimate parts of my life.

Previously⁸ I would have found such a prospect⁹ appalling¹⁰. I would have assumed that living with ALS meant a life of hardship and isolation¹¹.

Instead, because I believe that I always have a choice, I open myself to other possibilities. And now the very thing that at first seems so abhorrent¹² has graced my life with unaccustomed sweetness.

It was always there, only now I have chosen to see it.

Catherine Royce with her essay for This I Believe. Royce continues to write almost everyday, using her microphone and voice recognition software.

If you would like to contribute a statement of belief to our series, visit our website, npr.org. For This I Believe. I'm Jay Allison.

Next Monday, on All Things Considered, a This I Believe essay from Pakistan American Yasore Blue.

Support for This I Believe comes from Capella University.
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unaccustomed
Not common or usual:
不寻常的：
"The legislature has produced a new budget of unaccustomed austerity"(People)
"我会制订出一个异常紧缩的预算方案"(民族)

1 joyful   

adj.欢乐的，令人欢欣的

参考例句：

• She was joyful of her good result of the scientific experiments.她为自己的科学实验取得好成果而高兴。
• They were singing and dancing to celebrate this joyful occasion.他们唱着、跳着庆祝这令人欢乐的时刻。

2 meditation   

n.熟虑，（尤指宗教的）默想，沉思，（pl.）冥想录

参考例句：

• This peaceful garden lends itself to meditation.这个恬静的花园适于冥想。
• I'm sorry to interrupt your meditation.很抱歉，我打断了你的沉思。

3 radically   

ad.根本地，本质地

参考例句：

• I think we may have to rethink our policies fairly radically. 我认为我们可能要对我们的政策进行根本的反思。
• The health service must be radically reformed. 公共医疗卫生服务必须进行彻底改革。

4 entirely   

ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The fire was entirely caused by their neglect of duty. 那场火灾完全是由于他们失职而引起的。
• His life was entirely given up to the educational work. 他的一生统统献给了教育工作。

5 arduous   

adj.艰苦的，费力的，陡峭的

参考例句：

• We must have patience in doing arduous work.我们做艰苦的工作要有耐性。
• The task was more arduous than he had calculated.这项任务比他所估计的要艰巨得多。

6 mandate   

n.托管地；命令，指示

参考例句：

• The President had a clear mandate to end the war.总统得到明确的授权结束那场战争。
• The General Election gave him no such mandate.大选并未授予他这种权力。

7 contemplating   

深思，细想，仔细考虑( contemplate的现在分词 )； 注视，凝视； 考虑接受（发生某事的可能性）； 深思熟虑，沉思，苦思冥想

参考例句：

• You're too young to be contemplating retirement. 你考虑退休还太年轻。
• She stood contemplating the painting. 她站在那儿凝视那幅图画。

8 previously   

adv.以前，先前（地）

参考例句：

• The bicycle tyre blew out at a previously damaged point.自行车胎在以前损坏过的地方又爆开了。
• Let me digress for a moment and explain what had happened previously.让我岔开一会儿，解释原先发生了什么。

9 prospect   

n.前景，前途；景色，视野

参考例句：

• This state of things holds out a cheerful prospect.事态呈现出可喜的前景。
• The prospect became more evident.前景变得更加明朗了。

10 appalling   

adj.骇人听闻的，令人震惊的，可怕的

参考例句：

• The search was hampered by appalling weather conditions.恶劣的天气妨碍了搜寻工作。
• Nothing can extenuate such appalling behaviour.这种骇人听闻的行径罪无可恕。

11 isolation   

n.隔离，孤立，分解，分离

参考例句：

• The millionaire lived in complete isolation from the outside world.这位富翁过着与世隔绝的生活。
• He retired and lived in relative isolation.他退休后，生活比较孤寂。

12 abhorrent   

adj.可恶的，可恨的，讨厌的

参考例句：

• He is so abhorrent,saying such bullshit to confuse people.他这样乱说，妖言惑众，真是太可恶了。
• The idea of killing animals for food is abhorrent to many people.许多人想到杀生取食就感到憎恶。