At the cleaner's, I noticed the sign In by 10 a. m. , out by 5 p. m. so I told the owner that I wanted to pick my clothing up at five. it won't be ready, he said. But your sign says, 'In by 10 a. m. , out by 5 p. m.', I reminded him. Oh, he replied,...
Matt and his wife lived in the country. Matt was very stingy and hated spending money. One day a fair came to the nearby town. Let's go to the fair, Matt, his wife said. We haven't been anywhere for a long time.Matt thought about this for a while. He...
A preacher was asked to give a talk at a local women's health symposium. His wife asked about his topic, but he was too embarrassed to admit that he had been asked to speak about sex. Thinking quickly, he replied, I'm talking about sailing.Oh, that's...
At the supermarket I noticed an elderly man who seemed to be following me wherever I went. As I moved to each aisle, there he was, smiling at me. Now I was wondering if he was interested in me. At the dairy counter I was checking out the eggs when I...
Simon was an inveterate fisherman, well known for exaggerating the size of the one that got away. But there came a day when he actually caught two enormous flounders. He immediately invited a few friends over to dine, then tried to figure out how bes...
I had fallen and dislocated my elbow, which made writing checks for my small business nearly impossible. I called my bank to explain that the signature on my checks would look odd due to my accident, and would they please horror them anyway. Okay, sa...
One stupid guy reads an ad about a vacation cruise that costs only $ 100.After he signs up and pays, the travel agent hits him with a bat, knocks him unconscious and throws him out the back door into the river. Soon another guy comes in, pays his fee...
A guy spots his doctor in the mall. He stops him and says, Six weeks ago when I was in your office, you told me to go home, get into bed and stay there until you called. But you never called. I didn't? the doctor says. Then what are you doing out of...
A Japanese company and an American company had a boat race, the Japanese won by a mile. The Americans hired analysts to figure out what went wrong. They reported that the Japanese had one person managing and seven rowing, while the Americans had seve...
My infant daughter began crying as I drove home from the store, and since she was harnessed to her safety seat in the back, I couldn't console her. Stopping for a red light, I turned around and waved my hands, calling her name to distract her. I gave...
During the doctor's periodic visit to my elderly mother, I told him that Mother would be celebrating her 98th birthday in few days. Delighted by the news, he bent down and gave her a kiss for the occasion. He then announced that he, too, would be cel...
My five-year-old son was not picking up his toys while I was preparing dinner as I had asked him. When I inquired why he wasn't doing his chores, he said that he didn't feel like it. Exasperated, I said, Where would you be right now if I didn't feel...
Mom was very proud that she'd lost ten pounds. On the way to the store with my husband and me she talked of little else. We dropped her off in the lingerie department, but when we returned, we couldn't find her. Thinking she might be in the fitting r...
A man was selling medicines at a fair. At first he sold bottles of a cure for colds for just a dollar a bottle. Many people wanted to buy it and the man's young assistant moved quickly through the crowd collecting money and handing out bottles of the...
An antiques collector was passing a small shop when he noticed a cat on the sidewalk out front, licking milk from a saucer. The man immediately realized the saucer was very old and valuable. He stepped into the shop with an uninterested look and aske...
